Is that blood???

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I’ve been dealing with a jacked up back for the past 4 weeks or so.  Its been more than frustrating because normally I’m the picture of health.  “Fit as a fiddle” as they say.  But this weekend, I just couldn’t take it anymore.  So I got an appointment with the doc for Monday.  He did x-rays, ran some tests, yada yada, and gave me some drugs.  3 different pills.  One to relax the muscles, one to soothe the pain, and one just for fun I guess.

So, I’ve been doing better the last couple days, thanks to the meds and I actually began to see a light at the end of the tunnel.  That is, until I needed ketchup with my fries.

We were at McDonald’s for dinner last night and I’m the kind of guy who likes a bit of ketchup with his fries (though I prefer mayo, but that’s another story entirely), so I got up and walked my bad back self over to the ketchup dispenser, grabbed a small ketchup cup and pushed down on the lever that dispenses the ketchup. Well, there must have been an air pocket in the line because a couple seconds after it started coming out, it suddenly sputtered.  That sputter caused me to shutter (I know, real manly right?) and in that instant I jerked with fright and consequently tweeked my back again.

For the love of everything good and decent, I just wanted some ketchup!

My Bus Station

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I’m going to launch this site with a frightful admission.  It’s a confession to you that I fear will sound quite egotistical, or even self-glorifying.  I can only say that I in no way intend that to be the case.  If you know me, you know that.

I have been in student ministry for 16 years now.  I have spent most of those days on the front lines of mentoring, investing in, connecting with, influencing, and leading both students and adult leaders alike.  This life all began in my second year of college when I officially accepted God’s call on my life to full-time student ministry.

Upon graduation, I felt a deep sense of purpose, confidence, and even bravado.  I stepped into my first ministry with passion, fire, and determination to let the world see, no–BEHOLD the glory of the pioneering youth pastor I thought myself to be.

So, for the past 16 years, I have been doggedly seeking to be the best at everything I do relating to ministry.  And as I have grown older, I have begun to wonder more and more about what real difference I’ve made in anyone anywhere. 

And as I tried to stumble through an illustration that could explain what’s been going on in my head and heart, I shared with my wife the mental picture of a bus station where I feel that I am and have been for quite some time.  A bus station where I watch people in ministry come and go, departing for destinations far more significant than mine, with more appeal than mine, and with more shine than mine; all the while wondering when is it going to be MY turn to climb aboard a bus, or worse yet, did I MISS the bus I was supposed to get on?  I have always suspected that there would be a bus that would take me to greater influence, broader horizons, and even *gulp* more notoriety.

And even as I am floundering through these thoughts, my wife gave me a different perspective; a much better one.

She said, “But the way I see it, YOU are the bus station.  And God has brought you a constant stream of students like buses in and out of a bus station.  They’ve come in contact with you and gone out from your ministry to be who God made them to be.”

Is it any wonder why I’m so crazy about this woman of God?

I don’t know that I’ll instantly stop wanting greater impact, broader horizons, or *gulp* more notoriety.  But when I think about blessings, I need to remember that God usually blesses those who aren’t doing it for a blessing.  God blesses those who are humble, content, and grateful for who He is and all He has done.  And THAT is what I need to allow God to work on in me.

A word of welcome.

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Welcome.

Thanks for coming to my site.  It’s not particularly anything except mine, which makes it quite unique in the veritable bottomless sea of websites.  No other site is mine.  This one is.  And on THIS site, you can expect to find the following:

1.  Honesty.  I will always say the truth.

2.  Brevity.  I promise to do my very best to keep my thoughts succinct.  I’ve learned the hard way that as much as I’d like to think otherwise, people don’t have all day to read what I write.

3.  Regularity.  I promise to post a minimum of twice a week.  In the utopia my mind lives in, I write daily.  Unfortunately I live in the reality of the really real world, where daily posts are unlikely.

4.  Conflict.  Many of the things you’ll read here may cause you to feel conflicted.  You’ll just have to trust me when I say that this is in no way intentional.  I’m not a “rock the boat for the sake of rocking the boat” kind of writer/communicator.  I simply want my readers to think things other that the things they’ve already thought.

Other than that, I can’t say what we’ll uncover on this site.  But I can say that I’m up for it.  I’ve been blogging for years now.  I have a truckload of archived blogs that I may attempt to (one day) painstakingly transfer from where they are to this site, but for now you’ll just have to trust that I’m no rookie.

Finally, I want to invite you to post comments.  I cannot overstate this enough.  I love writing no matter what, but writing becomes that much sweeter when I know someone besides my Mom is reading this stuff.  And it doesn’t matter if what you want to say is negative.  I’m a big boy.  I can take it.  Tell me you hated that particular post and vow to me that you’ll never return.  Just don’t mean it.

Thanks for coming by to my new site.  I hope that it’s one we can all grow old with.

Jerry

Less Momentous

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It’s been said that “God is less often in the momentous and more often in the moment.”

I think that kicked the door to my stale blog in. It’s been way too long since I’ve written anything. And I think I just realized why: I’m waiting for the momentous, and missing the moments. Well, not anymore.

I’m writing today because quite honestly, I’m sick of not writing. This won’t be anything momentous; it’s a collection of moments from the past week or so. Feel free to bail.

I should say here that I’m planning on moving this blog. No offense to blogspot; we’ve been great partners and they’ve hosted me quite nicely for lo these many years. But I think it’s time to move on. I’m planning on going with a .com in the near future, as opposed to a blahblah.blahblah.com. We’ll see.

Months ago, one of the neighbor kids was in our front yard playing and kicked a soccer ball right at our front porch. The ball broke right through a piece of our railing spindles that go around our porch. It would have been less frustrating if I was told it happened instead of simply finding out myself. Then, the day after I finally get the spindles fixed, guess who was back in my front yard, and guess who had his soccer ball again, and guess who kicked it through the same spindles for a second time.

Guess who almost lost his cool and wanted to use the kid’s head as a soccer ball?

Well, apply that story to my youngest daughter’s eye. Yesterday a group of neighborhood kids were playing kickball in our backyard and Macy took a line drive right to her eye. She woke up this morning with a bit of a shiner. And just minutes ago, guess who walked in holding her OTHER eye?

Some times you’ve just got to laugh at the Law of Probability.
(And I love the fact that my yard is where the neighborhood comes to play kickball.)

In other news, I’m on day two of a long journey back to a healthy back. I’m on 3 meds. One of which has to be taken with another med, which means actually 4 meds are coursing through my veins. I’m typing most of this with my eyes closed so I can get some rest. These pills knock me out. When I went to the doctor yesterday, I’m fairly certain I was the only one without a walker. Made me feel young.

The other day at breakfast, my youngest son told us exactly how he’s going to react to his birthday presents. His birthday is 4 months away. I love that he’s already practicing his facial expressions and gratitude. I can learn a lot from that. Why wait to watch God work before being thankful that He does? And why wait until He asks before saying “Yes!” And why wait until Sunday to worship Him?

Last Sunday, I spoke to a room full of teenagers as we wrapped up a 3-week series called “Who is God?” Here’s how the weeks broke down:
Week 1: God is knowable and eternal.
Week 2: God is holy and just.
Week 3: God is loving and gracious.
Week 3 was my favorite message because it centered on the story of the prodigal son that Jesus told in Luke 15. It’s a mind-blowing story when you understand all the nuances and tidbits that are found in it. Even if you don’t, it’s an amazing picture of God’s faithfulness, patience, and grace.

I’ve also just read a book called “The Truth About You”. It’s not a Christian book per se, but it is one that I found quite interesting and one that I am enjoying cogitating on and applying to my own life. The author made the contention that strengths aren’t necessarily what you’re good at, and likewise weaknesses aren’t necessarily what you’re bad at either. Strengths are things that make you feel stronger, more alive, and joy-filled and by contrast weaknesses are things that make you feel drained, bored, and weak. I’m in the process (assigned) of carrying a small pocket-sized memo pad in my pocket and I’m writing down anything that I can clearly identify as a “strength”. These are things I look forward to before they happen, enjoy doing, and feel stronger after I’ve done them. Pretty interesting stuff so far.

Well, after reading this post, maybe I should stick with the momentous. This moment stuff is pretty lame.

Until next time, thanks for stopping by.

Thanks for visiting

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I haven’t written anything in a while and I’m very aware of that. I’ve been busy/without subject matter to write about, really. I vowed when I started this blog that I’d write when I had something to write about. That may have been the death nail for the blog as far as keeping consistent readers. After all, when I go to a blog and see it stale, I almost instantly drop it from my blog-reading radar. And so I’d certainly expect others to do the same to this one.

So, just a quick note to say that I know I’ve been lacking in the consistent writing department, that I’m sorry, and that I have several blog posts in the works. And here’s hoping that if you’re reading this, you’ll keep me on your list of blogs you enjoy reading. I really do plan on getting back into a rhythm. There’s been too much going on in my mind not to.

Thanks for visiting.

Jerry

Who Is God? (Part I)

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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the existence, location, nature, character, and point of God. The student ministry I lead is about to begin a series of messages called “Who Is God?” I hope that this question opens a dialogue that brings anyone involved into a deeper thinking about God; whether He even exists, what He is like, what He is doing, and why any of it matters.
And since my blog is a place where I sense a relative freedom of thought, and a place where I usually feel unfettered from the expectations of others, I decided to use this space as a virtual whiteboard of thought. So, buckle up for free-flowing craziness to ensue.
First of all, after stating the purpose of this series of messages I need to spell out what I am convicted must be conveyed. I have whittled it down to 4 main points, each with its own set of subpoints. I’ll try and get through as much as I can here because quite frankly, I’m sitting typing on a couch and I can literally feel my forearms screaming for more support.
The first thing that must be established is that God is knowable. Not entirely of course, but the fact remains that we can know God. He has revealed Himself far too clearly for that not to be true. (Romans 1:20) The knowledge that one can know God is intrinsically hopeful, I feel. But only if we are in a right understanding of who this God is. And that must be clearly defined; not from opinion, but from Scripture. What does Scripture say about God? Essentially, what does God say about God?
We must establish that God is eternal. That one fact is the foundation of all else that God is. Unless God is eternal, He can not truly maintain all of His other attributes. The problem is that eternality is one of the most comfounding concepts for the human mind to comprehend. The word “forever” rolls off our tongue, fills up love song lyrics, and fits nicely into our vocabulary, but eternity as a reality is one that eludes us. The simple reason for that is that everything we do, everything we see, everything we experience is all within the boundaries of time. There’s a watch on your wrist, a calendar on the wall, a day that begins and ends, a lifespan of weeks, months, and years. We are completely restricted by time and space. Therefore, we cannot truly fathom the scope of eternity. We can come close, but even our best efforts leave the most studied mind stretched and worn. In a word, God is “timeless.” He exists in the perpetual present. He said to Moses when Moses asked God’s identity: “I AM.”
In addition to being eternal, God is holy. The holiness of God can never and must never be overstated. God’s holiness is central to His character. His judgements, His actions, His decisions, His blessings, His will, and all He is and does flows from His holiness. Consider this: In the realm of eternity right now, there are heavenly creatures encircling the throne of God and we are told that they never stop saying, “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come.” It is notable that they do not say, “Lovely, Lovely, Lovely”, “Good, Good, Good”, “Mighty, Mighty, Mighty”, or “Merciful, Merciful, Merciful”. While all those are also true of God, it is His holiness that is extolled for eternity. His holiness is literally the anthem of eternity.
We must quickly follow up “holy” with “all-powerful”. Psalm 33 tells us that God breathes out the stars of heaven. Have you looked up recently? And that’s just the stars you can see, not all the stars that exist. And if you think our sun is the biggest star there is, think again. I dare you to research some of the biggest stars in our galaxy. Then consider the fact that God breathed those out; simply spoken from His mouth. God is powerful. All power begins with Him and all power returns to Him. Despite the ego of the human race, it is a laughable thought to think that you and I come anywhere near the power of God.
Next, we need to understand that God is loving. Not merely loving, but the Bible says that God IS love. The love of God is so powerful that He allowed you and I to choose Him or reject Him. Think of it: if God had not given us a choice, then we would not be capable of love at all. By definition, love chooses. Love is not merely an emotion, but rather a decision and a commitment. And it is the love of God that drives His decisions toward His creation. The clearest message by far that God is loving is found in the gift of Jesus Christ. For a sinful, dying world that was rejecting Him, God sent Jesus to be born, to live sinlessly, and to die in our place. I find my mind locking up even now to even begin to think about how I can convey with a keyboard the depth of that kind of love. It simply isn’t possible. God’s love is revealed through the greatest offer possible: eternity with Him.
*I returned to this blog and complete it weeks later; in fact after the series “Who is God?”  It was a powerful time together in the Word, and not only were the above qualities covered, but more than that.  We wrapped up the series with “God is: Gracious”.  Awesome series.  Each message was recorded, so if you’d like a copy just contact me. 

It was I.

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I was just cleaning out some stuff and came across a poem I wrote years ago, probably around Easter. It’s titled “It was I.”

It was I who waved the palm branch and shouted
It was I who welcomed Him to town.
It was I who laughed and celebrated.
It was I who led Him around.

It was I who believed the rumors,
It was I who bought the lie.
It was I who joined the others,
It was I who wanted Him to die.

It was I who went to the garden,
It was I who arrested Him there.
It was I who bound and beat Him,
It was I who pulled out His hair.

It was I who wanted Barabbas freed.
It was I who condemned Him to die.
It was I who washed my hands in innocence.
It was I who screamed “Crucify!”

It was I who put the blindfold on Him,
It was I who shouted, “Prophecy!”
It was I who laughed at His agony.
It was I who spit in His eye.

It was I who kicked and whipped Him,
It was I who poured on the pain.
It was I who put the cross on His shoulders.
It was I who laughed at His shame.

It was I who laid Him out on the cross.
It was I who tied Him down.
It was I who hammered the spikes in His wrists.
It was I who gave Him the thorny crown.

It was I who hoisted the cross toward the sky.
It was I who heard His flesh rip.
It was I who smiled at a job well done.
It was I who gave Him the last whip.

It was I who pierced His raw and bleeding side.
It was I who watched the blood flow.
It was I who saw His head fall in death.
It was I who didn’t know

That it was I would put the King on the cross,
It was I who caused His death.
But it wasn’t the whip, the spear, or the cross
That took away Jesus’ last breath.

It was the sin in my heart that put Him there,
It was the things I’ve done that are wrong.
It was the love of the Father and the life of the Son,
It was the love for me that’s so strong.

So now I see it, now I understand
That His death wasn’t about the tree.
It’s about bringing the children back to the Father,
It’s all about God’s love for me.

It is I who now stands forgiven and whole,
It is I who walks with the Lord.
But it is He who won my battle over sin,
With a cross, not with a sword.

It is I who stands at the gaping mouth
Of the tomb that once held Him there.
And now it is I who will serve my Risen Lord
Until I meet Him in the air!

–Jerry Varner