My wife was reading an article to me yesterday about a woman who married herself.

“Wait a minute. What?” is what I think I thought.

My bride (you know, that one that’s not myself) continued to read the details of the elaborate pre-ceremony practices, guests lists, a formal ceremony, a reception, and yes a cake. What was on top of that cake? I have no idea. What was the first dance like? Who knows. How did the honeymoon go? I can guess.

Now, I know its only January 2nd but I just can’t let this pass by without pointing out the obvious. So if you’ll forgive me just going right for the deep end (and the jugular), we gotta unpack this at least a little bit. There are some serious dots here just screaming to be connected.

After my spouse (you know, the one that’s not me) finished reading the short article I think I said something to the effect of: “That [self marriage] is the epitome of self-absorption.”

Let me be quick to say that I don’t think marriage is for everyone. But let me be quicker to say that I also don’t think self marriage is for anyone. I’ll skip the obvious “Have-we-lost-our-silly-minds?” argument and get to something a bit more substantial. You ready?

While I do believe we need to understand our worth and that YOU need to understand YOUR worth, I do not believe that any of us have within ourselves the ability to ascribe that intrinsic value for ourselves. Here’s the logic: If I am the authority on my own worth, then I am by definition susceptible to the opposite. In other words, if I can on one day walk the aisle to meet myself at the altar, then I can the next day also be vulnerable to the such views of myself which would end in an acrimonious self divorce. Then what?!?

Here’s the problem that’s cleverly disguised as not a problem: we have become so good at affirming ourselves that we’ve become infatuated with us. We are so proficient at extoling our own virtues that we seek and need no other source of validation, acceptance, or care outside of ourselves. And if that’s our view, then we are light years away from any acknowledgement or confession that would hint at a brokenness that goes far beyond and far deeper than any human can remedy. In other words…Savior? What Savior? Why would we need a savior?

Here’s the freeing truth: Your worth isn’t your worth because of your declaration of your worth. Remember that episode of “The Office” where Michael Scott was in such financial strain that when he learned about bankruptcy, he walked out into the office and shouted “I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!!!!” only to be told by Oscar Martinez that simply saying “bankruptcy” doesn’t do anything.  His response: “I didn’t say it, I declared it.”

No, your worth isn’t real because you declare it. Your worth is real and unchangeable because of the One who is head over heels in love with you. And I’m NOT talking about the one in the mirror. Your worth is real and untouchable by circumstance or consensus because it goes far beyond your or anyone’s reach. You are adored…you…the one reading these words…by the One who created you in your mother’s womb. The One who–even before anything else you see existed–had you on His mind. And you know what you can do about this kind of love? Not a darn thing. It’s not fickle and flimsy, prone to the waves of your own opinion. Its rock solid and immovable. It doesn’t give a rat’s rear where you are, what you’ve been into, what you’ve done, what you think of you or what you think of Him. Your worth has already been declared.

 

 

*For those looking for the tax breaks that come with self marriage, there are none. It is not a legal transaction or process.