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Here’s Where The Story Ends

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It’s incredible how a sound can release a flood of memories in your brain isn’t it? The same goes for smells. One whiff of cornbread, and I’m instantly back at Belfast Elementary School in Goldsboro, NC in that small yet somehow cavernous cafeteria, surrounded by all those children in a flurry of noise of shuffling sneakers and southern cooking smells. A twinge of anxiety begins to well up when I think about the conveyer belt that every child’s lunch tray was on, in order to keep the line moving. I was always afraid that somehow my tray would get away from me and I’d be lunchless, and worse yet–miss out on that cornbread, who’s smell triggered this memory in the first place.

The sounds I heard this morning were none other than The Sunday’s “Here’s Where The Story Ends”. Released in 1990, I’d admit–at least as I recal it–the song didn’t really hit my radar until I was in college the next year. I bet you’ve heard it. If not, give it a listen.

The song is reflective of a life that hasn’t quite turned out as expected. It’s a bittersweet song about disappointment, disillusionment, and the sense of feeling stuck. But it’s not a song that feels like a dead end, either. It strangely translates to a song of hope, as a chapter (albeit dim) is closed so that a new chapter might begin. And therein lies the thing I want to chat about with you this time.

The song resonated with that early 90’s crowd of young people much like it might today because the human experience is universal in that way. It’s relatable anytime there’s a sense (or need) of 1) letting go, 2) transition, 3) feeling a bit lost in young adulthood, 4) relational struggles, or 5) coming to grips with plans that didn’t materialize how we had hoped.

In case I haven’t said it clearly in the past, I’m a pastor. Specifically, I’m a pastor to young adults. The 18-30 year old age range is my daily existence. I’m striving continually to be a 50+ year old who lives a life of love, support, encouragement, empowerment, coaching, and doling of sherpa-like direction and wisdom to the younger generation. So yeah, that’s me. Hi. Nice to meet you.

As I was driving along on this morning’s commute, the radio DJs were discussing the top 3 topics to avoid at Thanksgiving this year. In first place was the one probably easiest to guess, given our current cultural climate: politics. Politics are the #1 thing to NOT talk about with family and friends this Thanksgiving season. Wanna guess #2? Go ahead. Guess.

It’s money. Don’t talk money and who’s making what this Thanksgiving. When I heard that, I was like “Who does that?” But if you show up to the parent’s house in that new car, or the spread is extravagant, or cousin Craig comes struts in ensconced in cashmere, or geez…I don’t know…what would trigger someone to talk about money in a way that’s offensive or troublemaking? Anyway, don’t do it. Money’s #2.

The third topic on the list of what not to talk about this Thanksgiving? You’ll never guess. It’s weight. What in the world? Who conducted this research? Who’s talking about weight on a day where we’re all trading forks for shovels? It’s national Elastic Waistband Day, for crying out loud. I can’t imagine a universe where a family sits down to collective swallow a metric ton of bird, sauces, and sugar when someone pipes up with, “Hey Laura, you lookin’ like you carrying a little extra this year. What’s up with that?”

So to recap the three things NOT to talk about this Thanksgiving…3rd: Weight, 2nd: Money, and 1st: Politics. Everybody clear on that? Okay good. Go forth and enjoy this special holiday, free from drama and trauma from bringing up those restricted topics.

But you wanna know what is missing from the top 3 things to not talk about? It’s something that’s historically been well established as something to not talk about. If you’re 40 or older, I bet you know what it is. You ready for the reveal? It’s “religion.”

Why is it signficant that it didn’t make the top 3 this year? Well because quite honestly, through other research, we know that our culture today is far more open to discuss spiritual matters than perhaps it ever has been. It’s one of the reasons I am, perhaps now more than ever, committed to engaging with and encouraging this young generation in conversations of faith. I’ve said it approximately a million-bazillion times over the years: who you are spiritually is who you are period. So when we get to the level of spiritual conversation, we’re getting as real as humans can get.

So I offer to you some questions that might stoke some good, quality, deeper, helpful, healthy conversations; not so much about “religion”, but moreso about faith, life, purpose, who God actually is, and what He’s actually like.

  • What’s something from this past year that has made you quietly grateful?
  • When you think back on your life, who helped shape your faith the most?
  • What’s a tradition—faith-related or not—that you still love and why?
  • What’s a truth or verse that’s encouraged you this season?
  • Where have you seen God at work in someone else’s life this year?
  • What’s something you’ve learned about yourself or about God recently?
  • What’s one thing you’re grateful for that you didn’t expect at the start of the year?


Who knows? Maybe through some good conversation around that stuffed bird this November, we might start a whole new story in our families and among our friends? Maybe in the years to come, the smell of cornbread and stuffing might trigger that one Thanksgiving where talking about faith and a more redemptive way became the new norm for us.

Death Becomes Us

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I was just driving along with my youngest son down a winding road lined with woods on either side, and said, “I’m so glad we live in a place where we get to see the colors of changing leaves during the fall season.” It’s nature doing what nature does. I really do love the transformation that death brings us. It’s inescapable: death is beautiful. Each leaf you see falling to the ground is a seconds-long funeral service you’re witnessing as it passes from one reality to another.

The varied and vibrant colors of the leaves are brought about by the decrease and eventual shut-off of chlorophyll, the thing that makes leaves green through photosynthesis (the feeding process of trees and plants). As temperatures drop, the tree is actually cutting off water and nutrients to its leaves in preparation for going into the non-food-producing season. That’s when the other chemicals present in the leaf, like carotenoids, anthocyanins, and tannins, get to show their colors–the yellows, the shades of orange, the purples, the reds, and all the variations of those colors, albeit for a brief but brilliant display.

At the base of each leaf, the tree actually seals itself shut, and the leaf eventually browns, oranges, purples, and yellows…and falls away. That’s when we get to see the cascading leaves making their final journey to the ground below.

It’s all breathtakingly beautiful. As we revel in it with our pumpkin spiced whatevers, and our chunky sweaters, and our wool socks, and our folksy acoustic music playlists that create just the right vibe, it’s actually death that we’re revelling in.

I was reading in the scriptures this morning, and I was reminded of the beauty of death in Paul’s words to the church in Galatia in the first century: “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Gal. 2:20)

In other words, Paul has declared his own death. His own cutting off of that system that would feed his flesh and usher in the transformation into beautiful and vibrant color for the remainder of this brief period of time called life. In a very real sense, as we watch those leaves falling around us, we are watching a wonderful symbolism of a life born into Christ, the accompanying death to self that must happen, and the transformation from death to glory that losing ourselves in Christ brings about.

May we join those leaves in their vibrant death. May we consider ourselves as dead to ourselves and alive only to Christ, finding our beauty, purpose, and life in Christ alone. May our lives be a brilliant display of grace as we make the slow, wind-swept journey homeward.

On Angels & Demons

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Happy Halloween, y’all. I love Halloween. It’s so fun to see all the creativity, all the costumes, to–if just for a day–see a few more smiles out there as strangers laugh with each other and offer candy to children they’ll likely ignore every other day of the year. They say that it’s on Halloween that the veil between the physical and spiritual realm is thinnest, but it seems to me that it’s more like the veil of busyness, self-centeredness, and preoccupation is thinnest. And we see each other a little bit more.

I was just asked by a stranger a few minutes ago, “Happy Halloween! Do you celebrate?” My stumbly, fumbly response was something along the lines of the fact that I really enjoy seeing people have fun, and that I’m looking forward to our church’s Trunk or Treat event where I’m in charge of parking. I think I said, “I’m not a big costume guy.” So if it’s possible to enjoy the fun people have while not going crazy with costuming, that’s me and Halloween in a nutshell.

(Okay, let me clarify something. I think the above statement “I love Halloween” isn’t entirely true. Sorry.
I love it insomuch that after it’s over, we can focus more on Thanksgiving and Christmas. So no, I don’t truly love Halloween. I think a better way to say it is I tolerate it more than celebrate it.
But the rest of the above paragraph is true.)

A football player decked out in all the pads from the waist up just walked into the coffee shop I’m in. See what I mean? That’s not normal, but it’s fun. (My idea of a costume is when I found an old mechanic’s shirt from the Goodwill, with the classic oval name patch “Justin” sewn on. Boom. I was Justin Beiber in 20 years.)

Halloween is also a time when some people think a bit more or even question a bit more about spiritual things. After all, we can’t really get away from the spiritual elements of the holiday. It’s a reason many Christians I’ve interacted with have a disdain for Halloween, which I’ve never really understood. If anything, Halloween draws me closer to God and the fact that, as C.S. Lewis put it, “You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.”

So as a follower of Jesus, I’m not put off at all by Halloween, by macabre decor, by talk of spirits, or demons, or darkness. Nah. I’m comfy and cozy with all that. Personally, I think some Christians need to lighten up and just give that kid the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup (still the #1 desired candy for trick-or-treaters) they came for. Not only am I not put off by it, I’m actually drawn to it. If you’ve ever visited my office at the church building I serve at, you may have noticed that I’ve got a little skull collection, including one of my favorite paintings done by my favorite artist. Why do I like skulls? Because they remind me that that’ll be me one day soon, that life is indeed brief, and that all I think, speak, and do, should point others to Jesus, eternal things, and the opportunity to spend eternity with Jesus. Ecclesiastes 7:2 says we should go to more funerals than festivals because we’re all going to die and the living should take that to heart.

But what about demons and demonic activity? I recently had someone ask me my opinion on demon possession, and specfically if I think that Christians can be possessed by demons. Great question.

My short answer was no. No, I don’t think someone filled with the Spirit of God can be filled with a demon. Why? Because that space is filled. There’s no room for demonic oppression in the life of someone sold out to Jesus and filled with His Spirit.

The instances of demon possession we read about in the scriptures give no indication that the person was a disciple of Jesus. The tricky part comes in when we consider Judas. Luke 22:3 tells us that “Then Satan entered Judas, called Iscariot, one of the Twelve.” What?!? How can someone who was following Jesus be a victim of not just a demon possession, but being possessed by the Chief of Demons, Satan himself? Does that bother anyone else?

You might be tempted to be freaked out just a bit, especially if you’re a follower of Jesus. I mean, if one of Jesus’ literal 12 disciples can succumb to demonic possession, what hope do we have? We’re sitting ducks, right? Hang on. Not so fast.

Here’s the most straightforward way to put it (in case you’re running late and don’t have time to read to the end): Satan only comes where there is an opening and invitation. Judas had established long before “Satan entered” him that Judas was willing to be bought and controled by demonic activity. John 12:6 shows us that Judas regularly stole from the money bag he was in charge of. Matthew 26:14 shows us that it was Judas who inititated the negotiations with the religious leaders to betray Jesus and turn Jesus over to them for crucifixion.

We must be careful here with our beliefs (and even theology) about demon possession. Satan didn’t control Judas like a puppeteer pulls strings on a marionette. Satan simply found a willing heart in Judas. Again, demon possession is a result of Satan finding a willing heart and an open door.

I may have told you this story before, but years ago when I had hair I would go and get my hair cut. One time, I sat down in the chair and the woman asked me what I do for a living. (I typically don’t like that question.) I told her I’m a pastor and she blurted out, “I knew it! I just knew it! I knew there was something about you when you came in.” She then launched into her inquiries about my thoughts on horoscopes, fortune tellers, etc. (Anyone remember Miss Cleo?) I told her that I believe that God is God of all, and He has all power (He’s omnipotent), but that I also believe that Satan has been granted some power for a time, but that his power is lesser and it’s temporary. However, I believe that Satan has the power to grant power to people, all in an effort to pull people away from God. That’s always Satan’s endgame, by the way: To pull humanity further and further from their Creator for the purpose of destroying them. She accepted my response and finished cutting my hair.

But there is never ever demon possession without permission. That’s why its important for those who claim to love and follow Jesus not to stray from Him, and to remain in His Spirit. Be fully surrendered to the filling of God’s Spirit in your life, acknowledge His Lordship continually, and seek to live out His gospel in all ways. We are sons and daughters of God and there is no snatching us from His hands.

Years ago I was asked to come into a room where a woman was battling demon possession. It was not a large room, but as soon as I walked in that woman seemed to try to climb the walls to get away from me. Please hear me–this has nothing to do with Jerry. It has everything to do with two spiritual forces coming in close proximity to each other. Jesus called Himself “The light of the world” (John 8:12), and then later tells His disciples (including today’s followers) that “You are the light of the world.” So what happened in that small room was light overtaking darkness. Have you ever noticed that no matter how small a light, it can always disspell darkness? Next time you’re in a completely dark room, light a match. The same is true spiritually. Darkness–no matter how strong–cannot ever win over light. It’s why we’re instructed not to cover the light, but to put it on a lampstand so it illuminates the whole house (Matthew 5:15 paraphrased).

What are demons, anyway? Demons are fallen angels. Demons are finite in number, as far as I can tell. We’re told in scripture that when Lucifer fell, he had persuaded a third of all the angels of heaven and therefore a third of the angels of heaven became condemned demons. That’s a fraction, therefore a finite number. This may be a moot point since we aren’t told anywhere in scripture the literal number of angels that exist. But I think the logic here still stands.

Daniel 7:10 gives us the phrase “ten thousand times ten thousands stood before Him…” which equals a million, but in Hebrew language, this phrase meant “countless” more than a literal number.

We see the same in Rev. 5:11 and in Hebrews 12:22. But “countless” or “innumerable” doesn’t necessarily mean infinite. So again, I think the logic here stands. A fraction of the number (whatever it may be) still leaves us with a finite amount.

What is the role of angels? Simply put, to carry out the will of God and the message of God. We see angels all throughout scripture doing one of those two things. We’re also told more explicitly that angels and demons are in opposition, in an ongoing battle over humanity. While we know clearly that Jesus is the ultimate Victor by His triumphant resurrection over the grave and sin, and will ultimately reign forever with all evil, Satan, and his demons vanquished and extinguished, there remains a battle. On a much smaller scale, I played basketball for one semester for Pinebrook Junior College. (Yes, THAT Pinebrook Junior College), I can tell you that I knew before every game that we were certainly going to lose. But I still played (mostly warmed the bench, but you get it). Simliarly, though much more signficantly, Satan and his demons continue to battle though they know their fate is sure.

Do angels watch over you? Yes, I believe they do. I see that scripture bears that out in many places. Is there a specific angel assigned to you? Hmmm. Not sure about that one. Hollywood would have us believe we’ve all got our own “Clarence” who’s trying to earn his wings but scripture doesn’t back that idea up.

We can say confidently that angels do exist, and they exist to carry out the will of God and the message of God to the world. You’ve likely interacted with an angel without even knowing it. (Hebrews 13:2) The Bible identifies four different types of angels: Seraphim (Isaiah 6), Cherabim (Genesis 3, Ezekiel 10), Archangels (1 Thess. 4:16, Jude 9), and ministering spirits (Hebrews 1:14). Each type has a role, and a hierarchy. If you’ve never dug into a study on angels and/or demons, I’d suggest it. There’s so much to learn.

This isn’t all just about Halloween, but I do think Halloween is a good chance to pause and think about the fact that so much of reality is spiritual (some argue all of it is spiritual); far, far more than just the physical reality we see and build our lives on. Let me put it another way:

With the exception of fellow humans, all that you see is what’s physical/temporary, and therefore ultimately unimportant. What you don’t see is spiritual/eternal, and therefore of supreme importance. Make decisions based on the spiritual realm far more than you do the physical realm.

That’s hilarious.

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One of the things that those who follow Jesus (including yours truly) haven’t done well, in my opinion, is to exemplify the radically hilarious freedom that Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection affords us and all of humanity that choose to follow Him and call Him Savior, Lord, and Friend.

I wonder, by this point in the day, if you’ve given thought to a situation that needs attention, or a problem that needs fixing, or a difficulty you’re facing–big or small. I’d bet that you have. Our minds can sometimes drift (or take the bullet train) toward what is amiss, what is in need, what is lacking, and what is broken in our daily lives. Not so fast there, tiger.

In Christ, His children are set free from everything that hinders and binds. We are set free in every way a person can be set free. There is a hilarity to the grace that God offers us every day. So much so that we are actually living right now completely disconnected from the cares of the temporal. What is happening now (including all those frustrating needs and problems) has a very, VERY short shelf life. Soon, much sooner than you suspect, all of these problems will be not even a memory. But even before that happens, anyone who names Jesus Christ as their Messiah and Lord has the luxurious freedom of claiming freedom from all of them. Right now. This instant.

I can’t help but feel a childlike grin resting on my face as I type these reminders. It’s coming right back to me now, that in Him I possess every single thing I could ever need forever. (Eph. 1:3) There is no illness that can overcome me, there is no conflict that is irresolvable, there is no obstacle I can face that He isn’t greater than, there isn’t a place I can set my foot that His sovereign grace has not gone before me. (Romans 8:31-39) In Jesus, I am dislodged from having to care about anything in a way that buries me in stress, in anxiety, or in any weight at all. Why? Because in Christ I have responded to His invitation given in 1 Peter 5:7: “Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.” Any weight of any amount that is currently on your shoulders should be on His. Period.

That’s just the beginning. Look at Galatians 5:1. “It is for freedom that Christ has set you free.” So hang on, why did Christ set me, you, us free? This is not a trick question. Answer it out loud. Why did He set us free? Read it again: “It is for __________…”

Paul even goes on to challenge his readers that because of that freedom we have been gifted by Christ’s atonement on the cross and through His empty tomb, we should “Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Contextually, Paul is referring to the law that preceded Christ; the law that Jesus’ death and resurrection fulfilled and put to rest. Instead of striving under the law, now faith ushers in this rested grace. Instead of condemnation, we’re handed compassion. (Romans 8) Instead of being fearful, we’re now family. (2 Cor. 6:18, 1 John 2:28-3:1)

Let me introduce what might seem like a paradox. But stick with me. We know that Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble.” (John 16:33) Geez, Jesus. Way to kill the vibe.

“But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

He has overcome the what? Again, not a trick question. Say it out loud with me…

“I have overcome the __________.”

Gee, I wonder what the world includes. I wonder if it includes that pesky problem you’re plagued with right now. I wonder if it includes that situation with your kid that just won’t seem to go away. I wonder if it includes that diagnosis you’re trying to get your head around. I wonder if it includes that exam you’ve got coming up. I wonder if it includes that stack of bills sitting on your kitchen table. I wonder if it includes your job situation. I wonder if it includes the uncertainty, the anxiety, the stress, or any of that relational gunk you’ve been feeling? I wonder if “world” includes perhaps every…single…thing…you…can…ever…face…in…this…life? By now, I hope you’re picking up what Jesus is putting down here.

The word “heart” (or “courage” depending on your translation) is the Greek word “tharseō” and its an imperative verb. Got that? It’s not a noun. It’s not an object. It’s an action. And the fact that it’s imperative means that Jesus is actually expecting you, imploring you, pleading with you to simply step obediently in the direction of hilarity as you walk with Him.

So, dear friend, it’s your move. Will you live hilariously free because of the lavish love and grace afforded you by the very blood of God? Will you embrace a lighter life and lighter step because of the burdenless existence God Almighty has granted? Will you say out loud (and VERY LOUDLY) with the psalmist?…

“He has brought me out into a spacious place. He rescued me because He cares for me.”
Psalm 18:19

Let’s Ride: An open letter to the Church

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Just down the street from where I live sits a car with a flat tire. It’s been months just sitting there. Maybe a year. And every time I pass it, I can’t help but wonder why they don’t fix the flat. This seems to be an otherwise fine car that could be taking people here and there. But instead, it sits sadly idle.

That’s the imagery I’m using today as I speak to any and all who consider themselves part of the Church. There’s a spectrum of involvement there, from occasional attenders of some religious service all the way to radically transformed, Spirit-filled followers of Jesus. No matter where you are on that spectrum, if you say you’re on it, I’m talking to you.

There is a wave of spiritual happenings in our nation right now. If you’ve bothered to look out your window, or are listening to the news reports, there is a groundswell of spiritual “revival” as it’s being called by some. Others are holding their verdict on whether they feel it meets some criteria of revival. As for me, I’m here for it. 100% here for it.

I’ll post some links to a few examples at the end of this blog so you can see for yourself what I’ve been seeing. The point of this blog today is not to merely echo or emphasize those stories. My point is to urge the Church not to botch this. Let me explain, in case that sounds harsh.

For decades, there has been a dark cloud hanging over the Church in America. It has been a reputation that those who go to church and/or call themselves Christians have not been the models of Christ-likeness. There have been instances of people coming into a gathering of those who say they believe in and follow Jesus, and yet have not been welcomed. Worse than that, they’ve been cold-shouldered, judged, or even turned away. Why? Because the would-be new person didn’t fit the mold of what the established “Christian” thought they should be whether in speech, actions, or even clothing.

It’s no wonder, then, that little by little the Church has made her way slowly but surely to the irrelevant margins of our culture. It’s no wonder that America doesn’t take the Church seriously. The Church doesn’t take the gospel seriously, so why would we expect any other outcome? We have traded the cross and an exalted, resurrected Jesus for what amounts to a members-only club with a particular set of often unwritten, unspoken, yet highly upheld set of expectations. If you don’t see this as true, simply look seriously at the statistical reality of the Church in the past several decades. Decline across the board, with few exceptions. Many churches haven’t brought one person to faith in years. Church services are looking more like nursing homes than thriving gatherings of young people. And yes, young people in the Church matter so much because the presence of young people is almost always indicative of health and growth.

While that might pinch, it still isn’t the point of this post. Now that you know where I stand on the Church of the past, let me urge you to come into a new view of today’s ekklesia. Why? Because new people are finally turning to Jesus in numbers we haven’t seen in a very long time. And for the Church as she is now to try and engage those new to their faith in Christ is like us inviting someone to hop into our car with four flat tires. “Hop in, let’s go for a ride.”

As the Church sits presently, we aren’t going anywhere. As the Church sits presently, we aren’t ready to disciple new believers. As the Church sits presently, those new to faith will quickly come to learn that faith in grace offered by Jesus on the cross for us has devolved into rote and stale tradition based on nothing more than collective preferences about stylings and methodology. Yikes.

Church, as we engage with those who are new to a relationship with Christ, we must do so with little to no grip on what has been “church” in the past. At this point in history, there is a new complexion of faith and Jesus-follower that is emerging. It must be given space to grow.

So my plea to us is to take these few simple, yet critical steps as we speak with others about faith in Christ, and as we welcome and disciple those new to their faith.

  1. Listen first, listen well. (It’s been said that in our culture, listening is the new evangelism.)
  2. Lead with genuine hospitality. (Read early Acts if you want to see how this is done.)
  3. Integrate your faith in Jesus into absolutely everything. (Compartmentalizing has historically destroyed the credibility of our witness.)
  4. Uphold the Church, not the church service. (Yes, we’re called to gather. (Acts 2) Yes, that’s a non-negotiable. (Hebrews 10:25) But what might a new iteration of gathering look like today?)
  5. Play the role of witness, not attorney, jury, or judge. (Like a courtroom witness, your role is to simply tell what you’ve seen and experienced. Don’t slip into being jury or judge. Just be real and honest about your own story.)

Some things to be on guard against:

  1. Don’t allow traditions to overshadow the Jesus of the Bible. We Christians LOVE our traditions, but while some have value, most have no significant place in the current and future landscape of faith.
  2. Be careful not to stray from the gospel message of repentance, faith in Christ alone for salvation, baptism, and transformational living empowered by God’s promised Holy Spirit to be disciples who make disciples. (Check me on this. Is there anything outside of these essentials that is really that important?)
  3. Face forward. Many well-meaning believers who’ve been around the block a few times seem to love to talk about what was, what has been, or what they like. Nothing wrong with those things necessarily, but in some cases, the past becomes an idol that focuses attention on the rearview rather than the horizon. When God says, “See, I am doing a new thing! Don’t you see it?” (Is. 43:19), He’s actually inviting us to face forward and see what He’s doing right now.

So Church, as you talk with people about the new day of faith and the new era of focus on Jesus in America, let me encourage you not to assume that they’re looking for the nearest church. They’re likely not. So that means we have a poignant opportunity in this cultural moment to reimagine ourselves in light of the new thing God is doing in our culture. Let’s not squander it. Let’s fix the flat (and whatever else we perceive to be amiss) and move with God’s Holy Spirit and what He is doing in our time to bring more souls into a love affair relationship with Jesus.

A few non-spiritual news sources that have recently reported on the “revival” in America:

How To Get Deeper…?

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I’m going to guess that you’re discontent with some aspect of your life right now. That’s not much of a risky guess on my part, as any human 11 years old and older is cognisant of something, some area of who they are, where they are, or how they are that they’d prefer to change if they could.

Being who I am and doing what I do, I am keenly interested in how people grow. Not so much physically (which seems to take care of itself), but mentally, emotionally, psychologically, socially, and spiritually.

I’ve been doing that thing I do for over 3 decades and counting, and there seems to persist a common desire in most people that I’ve interacted with: humans want more. There’s an insatiable drive for something more than what currently is. It’s almost–though not quite–universal. So if that’s you, let me assure you that you’re not broken, you’re human. (And yes, I understand those are oftentimes interchangeable.)

What I’m thinking about today is a progression that you’ve likely considered if you’ve thought very much about how “more” or “deeper”, “authentic”, “growing”, or “dynamic” works when it comes to healthy relationships. If you have relationships, you want them to be as healthy as they can be. You might not know how to get there, but you want health nonetheless.

Here’s my mini-thesis: Heightened spirituality comes from deepened vulnerability.

We will not and cannot be closer to God apart from being closer to other humans. And any relationship you can have with any other human is measured in vulnerability. However vulnerable you have been has determined what depth of the relationship you have with them. It cannot be otherwise.

We tend to call this “deeper,” but I’m not sure if that’s actually the best term for it. It’ll suffice for now, but as we roll along, let’s keep our eyes out for some, perhaps more precise terminology here.

I’m not presenting a fully-developed “How to…” as in “Jerry’s 3 Easy Steps of How to Make Every Relationship You Have Or Will Ever Have As Healthy As It Can Possibly Be, Guaranteed.” But I do think that there’s probably some unearthed truth that we can dig up together for our good. Let’s dig.

When I say “vulnerability”, what thoughts come to mind? If I may, I’d like to introduce a wee bit of discomfort here. I want to remind you that we humans were created vulnerable. We (by virture of the first humans) were unclothed. Completely vulnerable. Can you even imagine that now? Don’t answer that. I don’t really want to know if you imagine that or not. Let’s move on.

God created humans into a state of vulnerability. Have you ever considered how peculiar that is? Why would God not flex his creative muscle even further by showing off his fashion design skills as well? Can you even imagine the type of clothing stylings the Almighty could send down the runway?

God created us as vulnerable creatures. We probably didn’t view it that way since there was no one else to compare ourselves to, but the very fact that Adam & Eve were naked and unashamed (Gen. 2:25) is clear evidence that we were indeed created for holy vulnerability. It stands to reason, then, that hiding is more connected to our fallenness, and openness is more connected to our divinity. Would you agree?

Simply put, human existence is measured in relationships. Two weekends ago, I attended two different celebrations of life (some call them funerals). Not surprisingly, I was again reminded that the measure of a person’s life has nothing at all to do with what they collected, accomplished, or saw. The measure was and is the relationships they forged. No one at either service spoke a word about each person’s bank account, model of car, size of house, position in the company, or even goals achieved. Nope. The entirety of every service was centered on who they were because of who they knew, and who knew them.

If you want to cultivate vulnerability in your life and thereby cultivate healthier, deeper relationships, you’ll need to start with the fact that you are completely vulnerable and known by God. Your soul is laid bare before Him. Right now. There is no chance of hiding one shred of thought from His gaze. He knows you fully. And here’s the kicker: He loves you fully. Yes. Still.

This truth unlocks the dark closet you’ve kept closed from others. Why? Because you have absolutely nothing to fear. If the Almighty God knows you and loves you, what can anyone else’s view matter? What exactly are you running from? The haunting and common thought “If they only knew _____ about me, they’d never want anything to do with me” dissolves and dissipates when we realize that God sees all of you and actually wants EVERYTHING to do with you.

So, how do we turn this seemingly powerful truth into actionable steps to take in terms of our relationships with others? First, I’d ask that you take stock in how vulnerable you’ve been. I’ll be quick to say that if you’ve been hurt in the past, I get that, but that’s not a good excuse. I recognize that guardedness is wise in certain directions, but I’d suggest to you that it’s really only necessary and healthy in ONE direction, not all. The mistake commonly made is that when pain comes from one, we defend against all. Again, I get it. But it’s not healthy.

So take stock of your vulnerability levels. How open have you been? How accessible have you been to others? How readily available have you been to be known and loved by those who are around you? I know some who bemoan the lack of love they feel from me or others, yet they themselves have kept me and others at arm’s length. It leaves me frustrated and largely powerless to convince them of the love I have.

Nothing wrong with having a moat, as long as you’ve got a working drawbridge.

What you’ll find as you pursue vulnerability is a freedom that you didn’t have before. The more open you are in the relationships you’re seeking to deepen (that word still ok?), the more you’ll find that others reciprocate and everyone wins. If you try and there’s no reciprocation, just move on. They’re not ready for a healthy relationship yet. It’s not that they’re broken necessarily; they’re just not ready.

Okay, let’s turn a corner. By now, you’ve got the idea nailed down that vulnerability is necessary for your relationships to be healthy. The dots I want to connect now are to the spiritual vitality that awaits you as a result of your vulnerability. Remember my mini-thesis: Heightened spirituality comes from deepened vulnerability.

What you’re going to find is that there’s a cyclical pattern that emerges when we are willing to open ourselves up. And I’ll warn you that it isn’t easy or comfortable. Let me explain.

Vulnerability leads to authenticity, which leads to intimacy, which leads to messiness. Simply put, vulnerability leads to messiness. The more you get to know someone, the more you get to see their flaws as well as their beauty. You’re a mixed bag of both. So are they. And vulnerability unveils both.

Before you pack it up and head out so as to avoid any relational messiness, let me also say this as emphatically as I can: Messiness is next to Godliness. What I mean is that when I have been willing to get messy in the details of someone’s life, God seems to be most apparent and His work seems most obvious. Why? Because I have chosen vulnerability, and as stated, hiding is more connected to our fallenness (Gen. 3:8), and openness is more connected to our divinity.

Can I take you to just one (out of many) examples of Jesus getting messy? You can read the whole account for yourself in John 8:1-11. But let me sum it up…

A woman had been caught in a very vulnerable position; evidently caught in the very act of sexual intercourse with someone. Those specific details aren’t shared. We only know she had been “caught in the act of adultery.” We don’t know if she was married, the guy she was “with” was married, or even if–ahem–the other woman she perhaps was “with” was married. We only know adultery had been committed.

It was the religious leaders who caught her in the act of adultery. As a pastor myself, I can’t even begin to tell you how infuriating that part of the story is; it really deserves its own blog post. So I’ll move on.

So there she is–maybe naked, maybe wrapped in a cloth. Who knows. All we know is that she’s exposed and “in front of the crowd,” and being accused, she was brought to Jesus for judgment.

But look at the messiness Jesus engages with. Read verse 6. Jesus stoops down and begins to write in the dirt with his finger. May I suggest to you that the dirt under Jesus’ fingernails is indicative of the messiness He invites us to as we interact with people? There was no reason for Jesus to get dirty and messy that day, except that He was identifying with the woman who had been caught in her own mess.

Here’s my suggestion: If you want to get closer to God, get messy with people.

I love how the New Living Translation presents Hebrews 4:13:

“Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”

So your life and mine aren’t meant to be guarded, but given. Our relationships are built for openness. Our fingernails are made to dig in the dirt of unafraid vulnerability. As we do, we find that our closeness with God and others increases. He made us to be known, and we rest fully when we know we are fully known.

“I heard you, sir.”

/ jerrythinks / 2 Comments

I had just finished touring the King Center, a tribute to Martin Luther King, Jr., his life and legacy, Coretta Scott King, and even a little nod to Gandhi. Apparently, MLK and Gandhi were mutually influenced by one another. Anyway, I truly enjoyed my time walking among the stories, pictures, and personal effects of the man known by millions as the personification of the civil rights movement. A personal hero to millions, Martin Luther King, Jr. was and is a powerful force who sought to sow a powerful love of humanity.

After the self-guided tour, I was walking toward Ebenezer Baptist Church, just at the end of the block from the King Center. Ebenezer Baptist Church (location pictured below) was where MLK Jr. served as co-pastor with his father, Martin Luther King, Sr. until his assassination in 1968. It was in this building that MLK Jr.’s funeral was held.

As I was walking toward the well-known church, I saw the form of a person lying/sleeping in the concrete doorway of the building. They roused, sat up, and immediately began to cry. I’ll say here that I’m not given to theatrics. I’ve come across my fair share of individuals who are experiencing homelessness and are in full and honest need of help. And those who only appear to be.

Compelled to stop, I greeted her as a response to her weeping. I sat down next to her on that stoop, as she cried to the point of being incoherent. I couldn’t really understand what she was even saying, but I knew it was something.

“I’m sorry, I can’t understand what you are saying”, I said to her plainly. She repeated herself.

“Everyone keeps walking past me,” she said much more clearly.

“I didn’t”, I said in a matter-of-fact tone.

She then launched into some sad story about her son, about cancer, about abuse she endured, about the Salvation Army and how far away it was, and about how she hadn’t eaten in a number of days, nor had she showered. As far as that last point, it was abundantly clear that she was being honest.

I told her I couldn’t really do anything about her need for money (I heard her murmur something about needing $20), but that I would be happy to try and find her some food nearby. She lunged at me, threw her arms around me, and embraced me, crying on my shoulder. I asked her what her name is. She told me, and I said, “I’m Jerry.” Introductions made, we continued to sit and talk.

I pointed out that I was with a few other people, but would certainly try and bring her some food. She quickly pointed to a corner market across the intersection from where we were and assured me she “didn’t like food from that place.” Hmmm. As I was about to blurt out, “Well, beggars can’t be—-” my finely tuned filter kicked in before I uttered a word of it. But I’ll confess to you here that I did in fact start to think it.

She started to ask for money a second time. She really was intent on getting $20 from me. I assured her I didn’t have that to give. But I did feel compelled to offer her something. I turned away from her, peeked into my wallet, and saw what I had.

I’ve heard the argument repeatedly that you should never give people on the street cash. They’ll just use it for some vice, or some unhealthy habit, or in some way that only ultimately hurts them, and likely pushes them further into their dire situation. You’ve heard this argument too (or thought it, or said it). So I’ll skip the part where we pretend the person giving isn’t often very suspicious of the person asking.

But I’ll just tell you that when I sense I should (and I’m able to) give someone something, my focus stops being on what they’ll do with it, and it only becomes whether I’m going to be obedient or not. What they do with it isn’t my concern. You can handle these situations however you’d like. This is just how I handle them.

So I handed her a $5 bill I had taken from my wallet, and again she told me she needed $20. Hmmm. My brain internally retorted, “Listen, I’ll be happy to take back my $5 if you don’t want it.” But as far as I was concerned, that was already HER $5. I said that should get her a footlong sub from Subway.

I stood up and continued to chat with her as I was getting ready to rejoin my friends. My next statement included her name, and unsure if she had caught mine in all the crying and hub-bub, I said, “And my name is Jerry.”

“I heard you, sir.” She looked blankly and distantly up the street and away from me. No more tears. No more emotion. We had done our business, and she had quickly moved on. And I knew at that moment our interaction was over.

Listen, I’m no Gandhi. I know I didn’t save this woman’s life with my measly fiver. But in that cold tone of hers that dismissed me to be on my way after not giving her exactly what she asked for, I’ve got to admit that for a couple of minutes, I wrestled with a jaded attitude.

But quickly and clearly, God’s Spirit spoke to me. Here’s what He said. I offer it to you as a way to encourage you if you ever find yourself in a situation anywhere closely similar to this one.

“You do what I ask you to do. Period. Don’t worry about what she does or doesn’t do.”

You may recall that Peter asked the risen Jesus what He was going to have John do, right after Jesus gave Peter his marching orders. In a very real way, Jesus rebuked Peter and basically told Peter it wasn’t his concern. Jesus said, “…what is that to you? You must follow Me.” (John 21:22)

Jesus’ earthly mission was to fulfill what the Father had given Him to do. (John 4:34 & 6:38) And He was going to do that undeterred by our response to that obedience. Even at this moment, Jesus loves humanity with the love that drove Him to the cross on our behalf, even while we turn from Him and live selfishly, even when our lives are seeking the proverbial $20 because we think that’s what we need, even as we choose comfort over compassion. Through all that, Jesus’ obedience to the Father’s salvation plan is what holds the gates of heaven open at this very moment.

So with peace of mind and heart restored after brief interruption, I walked away from that situation not having given a woman $5, but having given Jesus my fumbling, stumbling obedience.

“’My food,’ said Jesus, ‘is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work.'” -John 4:34

“For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me.” -John 6:38