faith

Redemptive Doubt

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Anyone who believes anything also doubts. Doubt is just a part of the package in this human experience. In terms of spiritual health, doubt plays a rather important part in helping growth and maturity happen. That’s what I want to kick around with you this time.

Doubt in your life had a genesis, a starting point…so where would you say it began? As we grow into pre-adolescence, our adolescent years, our young adulthood, and then into our older adult selves, doubt comes along for the ride.

The developmental process of the brain invariably impacts spiritual processing. It can’t not. As we learn and as our synnapses make stronger connections and forge new paths in our brain, we wrestle and struggle with things that we perhaps once held as absolute truth. Expressions like “What if…”, “I wonder…” and “Maybe not…” are peppered into our once-confirmed ideas of truth and reality.

What I’d like to do is to lay out a few of the places where we see doubt play a part in the Gospel story. And believe me, it definitely does. Let me take you first to the Mount of Olives where Jesus met with his disciples for the very last time before ascending into the clouds.

Read that again. Notice verse 17. We’re told, “They worshiped Him; but some doubted.” Hold up. This is the now risen Jesus. This is the man they have watched for three years, day in and day out. This is the man who they all saw walk on water. They watched Him raise people from the dead. They carried the baskets of leftovers from the miraculous feeding of the 5,000 men (and then another 4,000 soon after). This is the man they heard night and day teaching with “power and authority”. This is their Rabbi that they heard predict His own death on a cross, watched (and ran away from) His arrest, and saw Him being nailed to a Roman cross of crucifixion. This is the man they’ve spend forty or so days with post-resurrection. What do you mean “but some doubted”?!?

But that’s not even the most interesting part. What is astounding to me is that Jesus went full speed ahead on commissioning this group of disciples to carry out what we now refer to as “The Great Commission” found in Matt. 28:19-20. What I’m pointing out is that Jesus handed over the carrying on of His Kingdom on earth to a mixed-bag group of believers AND doubters. He could have (and maybe should have) said, “I’m not going anywhere until you can all prove to me that this Gospel is deeply rooted in your heart; that there’s not one shred of doubt within any of you, because the mission–MY MISSION–is far too important to just leave to a bunch of people who are still wondering if I’m the Son of God or not.”

So if you’re struggling with doubt, or ever have, you’re in the best company. The very disciples who Jesus spoke with face-to-face also wrestled with their own doubts. And yet, here we are. Anyone who claims to follow Jesus today can trace their spiritual lineage to one of those disciples on that mountain, staring up into the clouds while the man some of them doubted was God literally ascended into the sky.

Let’s look at another example of doubt in the Gospels and what we can learn…

I won’t launch into a deep-dive exegesis of this passage as I have done in the past. I’ll just point you to this particular verse that comes at the end of the account where we’re told about Jesus’ very first public miracle–one that he was actually completely reluctant to perform. But alas, Mary gave us the very first historical record we have of a Mom pulling the “Mom Card”. We find verse 11 at the tail end of this passage about this wedding in Cana. Notice what it says: “And his disciples believed in Him.”

What were they doing before the water-to-wine miracle? Can we rightly infer that there was less than “belief” in Jesus before that first miracle? It seems they were still kind of “kicking the tires” of this alleged Messiah before that point. Seems like perhaps some of them were not completely sold out in terms of their faith in Jesus.

Okay, one more…

I think Thomas gets way too much heat for this statement. Let’s be real. Dude was only saying what everyone else was thinking. You probably have a friend like that. And what you like about that friend is that you never have to guess where they stand on stuff. Thomas was adamant about his faith. He wasn’t just gonna roll over and put faith where facts go. Nah man, nah. Not Thomas.

But look at where “Doubting Thomas” ended up. Some 3,000 miles away from that mountain where Jesus left him, we find Thomas carrying the Gospel message to the people of India and Turkey, and eventually we find Thomas meeting the end of a spear as a martyr for the Gospel message and the very Jesus that he insisted on seeing for himself. Thomas grew into full faith because he was willing to be real about his doubts.

So even if you’ve got doubt in your story, you’ve got usefulness in God’s story.

Doubts play a redemptive role in our faith. Doubts give us the opportunity to have our convictions tested and proven. Doubts indicate places where we can dig in, ask questions, and find that Jesus really is who He said He was all along. Don’t downplay doubts. Doubts aren’t the enemy of faith, but they can be the paralyzer of growth if left unexplored. Let your doubts show you where to dig next.

A Kingdom of Questions

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Read the gospels. Jesus asked far more questions than He provided answers. The critical role questions play in our faith development and in the discipleship and disciple-making path, cannot be overstated.

I’ve been a pastor to teenagers and young people for over three decades. I have always (and will always) seek to cultivate an environment where questions are celebrated rather than suppressed. The cancer that eats away at young faith in a young person’s life is not doubt, but the absence of any genuine place to process those doubts. Church, shame on us if we do not allow, invite, and encourage the hard questions being asked.

It is a distinctly American thing for us to uphold a facade that would portray us as well-answered, put-together people; even followers of Jesus do this. Perhaps unwittingly, this desire to be seen as stable in faith causes the erosion of an atmosphere where questions are explored.

In essence, we’ve hung a “Closed” sign on the laboratory door.

How now do we reverse this reality?

First, we confess what should be obvious. That not one of us–from pauper to Pope–has every answer to every question of faith, God, spirituality, the Bible, or how to live the gospel effectively and redemptively.

And that confession should cultivate humility. Even while there are those with understandings and experiences that afford them the role of sherpa in others’ lives, there still remains a deep humility that drives every person to the posture of a student. This mindset reflects the expression we get from theologian Gerhardus Vos: that we do live in an “already and not yet” reality of God’s Kingdom.

Next step, we articulate the gut-level questions we have. Yours will be different than mine. And when we do that, we reject pithy, theoretical responses that try to put a bandaid over a gaping hole. “What kind of a God would watch a 22-month-old toddler get out a backdoor of their caretaker’s home unnoticed, make their way across several neighbors’ yards, and then watch them fall into a small decorative yard pond and drown?” That’s just ONE of my questions.

Write down every question about pain, faith, God’s character, scripture, heaven, hell, doubt–anything your heart is holding onto.

Lastly, utilize that list of questions (as ever-expanding as it may be) into your personal map toward growth. Seek. Explore. Ask. Wonder. Take the next hill. Cultivate a heart that embraces “I don’t know” just as readily as it embraces “I am convinced.”

Early in Jesus’ public ministry He began to call disciples to follow Him. This caught the attention of a couple of John’s disciples who would-be followers of Jesus. But first a couple questions needed to be exchanged…

Jesus (seeing them following): “What do you want?”

Two disciples (one of them was Andrew): “Where are you staying?”

If you’ll notice, every relationship begins with questions. The fallacy is that healthy relationships don’t have or need questions. That somehow we no longer have need for wonder or exploration once we know someone. I’d submit to you that the opposite is actually true. The more you know someone, the more we should: 1) rest in confidence of knowing and being known and 2) seek to know more because that confidence creates a safe place where more questions are welcomed.

In its correct form, the Kingdom of God is a Kingdom of questions. Taking a posture of a student hungry to learn, grow, and change more into the image of their first love and Master will also transform our view on worship, including how we gather together. Can you even imagine what it would look like this coming Sunday morning if everyone who was present was a true explorer, an excited participant in their own faith journey, and truly reveling in the wonder of a God who can be known now and yet not fully known?

I have used this analogy before, so forgive me if it’s a repeat for you long-time readers. I view myself as standing on a beach, my feet in the water as the waves lap up on the shore. I’ve got a ladle in my hand, and I’m sipping from it. I understand and am fully okay with the fact that all my life, I will never drink that whole ladle. And I’m at peace knowing there is an ocean of water in front of me that won’t ever be touched by that ladle.

This is how I view my questions and my doubts. I will continue to sip, seek, ask, wonder, and explore. Yet I know that I can’t know the expanse of all of who God is. One of my favorite verses in terms of this peaceful pursuit is Romans 11:33:

“Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how unfathomable his ways!” (New English Translation)

Why Church, why have we allowed ourselves to become tidy, buttoned-up, satisfied recipients of the only life-altering truth and yet stopped there? Why have we turned into guardians of truth and not champions of exploration? A young generation is under the impression that there is little to no place for questions in a life of faith. Let’s reverse this as soon as possible.

After all, the words “question” and “quest” share the same Latin root: quaerere. Both mean “to ask/seek.” In other words, every question invites us on a quest. So take those questions, grab the map they create, and move forward in a faith that celebrates question marks as much as exclamation points!

No, Follow ME.

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By the time I was a teenager, I had learned that my human tendency is steeply inclined toward selfishness. Any given decision that was being made was generally decided by asking a simple question: “What’s best for me in this situation?”

Living by this criterion of what was best for me turned out to be–and I don’t say this lightly–the very worst way to live a life. A subsequent truth I’ve learned is that my two shoulders were never meant to bear the load of my own life, my own desires, my own priorities, or my own prerogatives. In other words, I was never meant to be the center of my own life. And neither were you. It’s not surprising, however, that so many people try and make that kind of life work. We try and establish ourselves as the centerpiece, then seek to orient all other details, assets, career decisions, and relationships in a tidy orbit around us. It’s so very common, but just as commonly ill-fated.

I got off-center in June of 1991 at the age of 17. After a disastrously tumultuous season of making absolutely terrible decisions and proving without question that when I’m in charge things go very badly, I was found by Jesus in a field in Altoona, PA. I was shattered and broken in every way when Jesus laid his hand on my shoulder and invited me to be made new and to begin to walk with Him. Essentially His simple invitation was an echo of the invitation He gave to so many people 2,000 or so years ago and has given to millions upon millions since: “Follow me.” And I did. I stood up in that field, and took my first steps of true faith, going for a walk that I’m still on today.

For the past 35 years, I’ve been on a walk with Jesus. That’s probably the best way to describe my life. But I want to tell you about a pitfall that I’ve discovered on this walk I’ve been on. It’s actually something I’d be embarrassed to confess this to you if I had any pride left. But I’ve already told you enough about myself to easily shake off that nonsense. I won’t let pride stop me from sharing something with you that might be helpful, even if it makes me look foolish.

There have been times when I have taken the “Follow me” invitation of Jesus and turned it on Him. There have been times when I’ve allowed my distracted heart or what amounted to a relapse into self-centeredness to actually cause me to turn to Jesus and say, “No, YOU follow ME.”

It happens subtly. In fact, it can happen most easily when I don’t intentionally and aggressively recognize Jesus’ Lordship in my life. When Jesus’ Lordship goes unrecognized, it goes unlived. And guess who is the only other possible throne dweller? Me. So when I don’t actively and daily respond to Jesus’ invitation to follow Him, then I, almost by default, am inviting Him to follow me.

I’m not a numbers guy, but I do think it’s interesting that in the recorded gospels, Jesus uttered the words “Follow me” 21 times. And if you know anything about human habits, you’ve likely heard that it is around the 21-day mark that a behavior starts to become a habit. So let me make a suggestion that might seem silly. For the next 21 days, make a statement out loud (as in actually speak it) to Jesus that “I’m following YOU today.” Or feel free to tweak or modify that statement; anything that allows your heart to acknowledge who’s leading and who’s following.

As you go through those 21 days, reach out to me and let me know what you notice about yourself, about Jesus, and about your daily life of following Him.

———————————————————————————————–

BONUS:

On January 5, 2025, the good folks at Southside Church are receiving a 21-day devotional book I’ve written called “Rock Solid Living.” I’d love for you to join in with us, and if you don’t have a church home, I’d love to meet you there each week. I’ve never tried to connect my personal blog to any local church, let alone the one I happen to serve at, but today’s blog post seems like a good opportunity to extend that invitation.

BONUS BONUS:

This audio recording is a time machine of sorts. This is the actual recording of the message I heard in that field in Altoona, PA in 1991. It was at the end of this message that I responded and truly accepted Jesus’ invitation to “Follow me.”

By the numbers….when Creation Festival came to a close in 2023…

115,000 people chose to follow Christ as their Savior. 

 16,000+ people have been water baptized at the festival. 

 2.1 million have attended and worshiped our Creator together. 

 43,000 people have served the festival, many for a decade or more. 

 43,000+ children have been rescued from poverty through Compassion International and other child sponsorship programs.

Why I’m Choosing Love

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If you know me, you know I’m a man in love. Deeply. In. Love.

My wife is, quite simply, the perfect human being for me. I’m convinced that God custom-made this woman to fill in and complement every one of my shortcomings–and there are many. I’m completely and forever in love with her. If you know her, you see clearly that we are a matched set.

Lest you think I’m about to droll on and on, dripping with sap about how much I love my wife, I promise you I am not. I actually want to turn my attention to Jesus, and Him alone. And I invite you to hear the expressions of my thoughts and heart for the man I call my best friend, my Savior, my heart’s affection, and the One I choose to follow/walk with. But before I do, I believe the greatest quality my wife has is that she would absolutely want me to tell you that it’s Jesus who makes our marriage work. He’s it.

But first a quick diversion. My life revolves around ministering with young people. Ever since I was a young person myself, I have known that my life would be aimed at the young generation, and loving them well, showing them Jesus, and being available for them for…well…whatever.

Living rooms, hospital rooms, waiting rooms, courtrooms, backs of squad cars, funerals, jail cells…I’ve been everywhere seeking to love young people well.

In all honesty, I have nothing to offer any young person but Jesus. He is it. I don’t have life hacks, deep wisdom, tricks to help smooth out life’s road, or anything else. I only have and I only offer Jesus.

So you can perhaps imagine my surprise and concern when I recently found that some young people I interact with struggled to articulate much at all about who Jesus is and why they, too, love Him.

Seems like for someone who is in the context of a thriving spiritual community, such a thing should flow naturally. But it seems there’s work to do in this area. Yet, I cannot expect anything from them that I am not able and willing to do myself. So, this blog is about exercising the discipline of articulation. I’m going to articulate to you why I choose to love and more specifically, who I know Jesus to be and why I am now and–God helping me–will for all my days fix my gaze on Jesus.

If anyone from my high school days ever reads these words, I must apologize to you. I did not live as I should have lived in those days. I did not express my faith well; it was there, but it was not on display as it should have been. I hope you’ll forgive me for that. I should have been clearer. This isn’t about my upbringing as a “PK” (pastor’s kid), it isn’t about church attendance, and it isn’t about “religion.” I put no stock in any of those things.

This is about the person of Jesus: who He has been from the beginning, who He revealed Himself to be in the gospel accounts we all have access to, and who He is to me personally right now on a daily basis.

I want to do my best to paint a picture for you. I trust that then you’ll clearly see why I choose to love Him.

You can read other blog posts of mine that go into the granular details of my upbringing and my faith story. There are lots of details you can find in other writings I’ve already posted. So I won’t repeat myself in that regard.

Jesus is the fullness of God, who chose to be constrained to a human frame. God chose to become flesh in order to communicate the greatest love for humanity (that’s all of us) that He possibly could. Jesus came to us because we could never get to Him. The mission of Jesus from the very start has been to come and get us. To rescue us. To redeem us. To adopt us. To draw us back to Him, as He has desired all along.

The person of Jesus is the image of a God who would stop at nothing to have us in a loving relationship with Himself. I love Jesus because He is God, but also because He is a walking, talking, sharing, healing, and reviving God. I live and breathe at this moment because of the presence of God. This is not a poetic or romantic statement, though it is that as well. It is a statement of fact. My conviction is that I am alive because God has desired it. I am breathing and functioning because of His good grace. My whole self is wrapped up in Jesus because Jesus has shown Himself to be the author and sustainer of all I am and all I have.

Going deeper, this God has come to me personally. In the depths of my sin, He came to me in this relentless pursuit that was fueled by His love for me. Though I disregarded His love and chose to live selfishly, still He came for me and came after Me. He found me in my self-inflicted mess and invited me to be whole, to be healed, and to be changed day by day as I walk with Him. I have found no other solid ground to stand on because every other thought and belief system would be based on what I can do, and I confess that I can do nothing good on my own. If you are reading these words and you believe you are fine on your own and do not need Him, then know that while He loves you with an everlasting love, His love also gives each person their own decision to embrace Him or go on without Him. But as for me, I choose Jesus. He looked for me, He found me, He healed me (still is), He transformed me (still is), He adopted me, and He is patient with me.

I talk with Jesus. In this talking, our relationship grows stronger. That’s how relationships work. If you want to grow closer to someone, you talk to them, and you listen to them. I have become convinced that it is this ongoing conversation that gives me a healthy perspective on all other aspects of my life. Likewise, when our conversation wanes, all other aspects of my life begin to become misprioritized and mishandled. Simply put, my conversation with Jesus sets all other things in their proper place.

I choose to love Jesus not because I was given some insider information by virtue of being brought up in a Christian (let alone as a pastor’s) home. It’s not because I went to enough bible studies and learned enough information. It’s not because of some unfair advantage life handed me. No. None of that. I choose to love Jesus because He first loved me. He proved that love by painfully accepting the death that my own sin demanded. He took on my death in my place. What greater love exists than that?

I know Jesus as a friend because He continually shows me more of who He is. I enjoy a familiarity with Jesus because we have walked together for so long, but along with that comfort, there is equal part wonder and curiosity that is built into our friendship. I know that I’ll never know the depths of who Jesus is, and I revel in that mystery. I love Jesus because there is no end to what I can know of Him.

Jesus is the very embodiment of the love of God. I am drawn to belief in Him, to friendship with Him, and to journeying life’s road following Him. I honestly believe that apart from Jesus I could do and would be nothing. Again, if you are living a fine life apart from Him and believe that you are able to continue that, by all means go ahead. As for me, I’m a broken and helpless sinner in desperate need of a Savior. He is the Savior of my world. I know that for me, I am prone to decisions that are selfish and destructive. I need someone greater and higher to be Lord of my life. He is my Lord and He has given me wisdom, peace, and direction. He has saved me from devastating decisions time and again. Left to myself, I’d drive this life into a ditch or off a cliff. With Jesus in control, I have nothing to fear. With Jesus my Lord guiding me, I am free from all anxiety. That’s why I trust Him. That’s why I love Him.

What I want for you is that you would know Him, too. In fact, I’d love nothing more than for you to know Him even more than I do. Whether you or anyone else (and I know millions do) choose to love Him, I simply cannot turn away from Him. I’m far too convinced of His presence, His goodness, His faithfulness, and His grace. This is who Jesus is to me and this is why I choose to love Him.

In the Desert

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You already know that I learned of Jesus’ love for me and His offer of forgiveness for my sins when I was just eight years old. And you likely know that I would say that despite my age-eight acceptance of His forgiveness, I’d say that I didn’t begin to walk with Him until I was sixteen. Someone may wonder, “What’s the difference?” and I suppose I’d put it this way:

When I say I learned of (and received) Jesus’ forgiveness, I mean that it was a transactional decision. And when I say I began to walk with Jesus, I mean that it was a relational decision.

I wonder if you’ve made that relational decision yet. I pray you have. Not because I’m a pastor or a church-goer or because you think I’m “religious.” I actually don’t put one ounce of value in any of those things. What I want for you is to know the transformational love of the God who created you, knows you, and wants you. Now, let me say more to the point what I mean. I want you to have solid ground to stand on. Apart from Jesus, solid ground doesn’t exist. In Him, you will have peace when the world feels unstable (when does it not?), joy even in times of turmoil or tragedy, hope in the face of the uncertain future, and an abundance of love given directly from God Himself for you, but not just for you–so that it might overflow* through your life to those around you. Inexpressible joy, unwavering peace, boundless hope, and unending love. THAT’S what I want for you, and only Jesus has it because only Jesus IS all those things.

So, do the math. I’m currently fifty-one years old *gulp*, and I started walking with Jesus at age sixteen. Let’s see, that means I’ve walked with him….give me a minute….for thirty-five years.

In those thirty-five years, I can tell you that a large portion of that time has been spent in what some might call a desert land. In my younger understanding of spirituality and my grasp of what it means to walk with Jesus, I would have told you that desert = bad. I mean, deserts are dry, lifeless, exhausting, and there just isn’t much attractive about being in a desert. We’ve all seen some movie where some poor guy is dragging himself on his belly through the desert, breathing this gasping desire… “Water….please…water…”

It’s even found its way into our language as Jesus’ followers. When we share with others about how we are doing spiritually, we use words like “desert”, “stale”, “dry”, and it all means that our spiritual lives are kind of waning; that we aren’t really where we want to be. It’s a season we’re trying to simply survive.

But there’s a scriptural reality that I fear we have not only overlooked but negated in our modern view of desert seasons. I submit to you that not only did Jesus love the desert, and longed for the desert, but practically speaking, the deepest, richest ministry happens in the desert.

What must happen is that we view those “desert” seasons of our lives as seasons of strengthening, intimacy, and preparation. Yet we commonly see them as weakening, distancing, and purposeless.

Look with me at the gospels. Let’s go with Mark, whose gospel account was actually written first. I personally love Mark because he’s just interested in the action of Jesus’ life. His writing focuses far less on the words of Jesus and more on the ways of Jesus. At the start of his account, Mark tells about how John was in the “wilderness” preaching the message of the Kingdom, and that Jesus came out to John to be baptized.

Did you get that? Blink, and you’ll miss it: Jesus went out to the desert to be baptized. God the Father’s public declaration of Jesus’ identity and His public ministry began in the desert. In fact, it’s the only place in scripture where the Trinity is manifest in a publicly perceptible way: The Father’s voice audibly heard from heaven, the Son standing in the river, and the Spirit descending like a dove. What if, instead of lamenting the desert times in our lives, we chose to view them as where new things start?

Not convinced? Look at what happened IMMEDIATELY after Jesus was baptized by John in the Jordan River…. This time let’s look at Matthew’s gospel account…. “Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness…” (Matt. 4:1)

What?!? God the Spirit led God the Son into the desert in preparation for the ministry that would ultimately glorify God the Father? Yep. That’s EXACTLY what happened.

So when you find yourself tempted to think that your spiritual desert place is a place of lifelessness, purposelessness, or directionlessness, understand that the desert is where God BEGINS the work. It’s where God PREPARES us for the new chapter. It’s where God PROVES His nearness and faithfulness.

As part of my grad school journey, I read a book by Henri Nouwen called “The Way of the Heart” and it speaks deeply to this whole idea of how we view the desert. I recommend it to you highly. You can order your own copy here.

It is at this point that my heart wants to hit the gas pedal and pour out more content, sharing more of my thoughts about this topic. But my mind says, “Stop here. That’s enough. You want people to read this, right?”

So here I’ll stop and turn to you. What are your thoughts on this? What are your desert-place experiences? Does anything here resonate with you, or prove helpful?

*A couple of years ago, I co-authored a devotional book called “Overflow”. If you’d like a copy of that 52-week devotional book, please reach out and let me know. I’d be happy to send you one of the few copies I have left.

Connections Matter

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“To lead is to serve.”

That’s the mantra of a group of young people I’m privileged to walk with. This particular group is called “Crew” and it’s our student leadership team. The goal of this team is not to manufacture pastors or full-time ministry leaders but rather to create a sense of ownership and urgency in terms of mission. What’s the mission? Simple. To “make disciples.”

Jesus is the one-stop shop for all things leadership, servanthood, visioning, planning, time management, personal growth, team-building, and organizational structuring, to name a few. You need not look any further than the person of Jesus Christ and His 33 years on earth if you want to learn anything in any of the areas above.

I’m a chronic evaluator. I’ve never been able to leave things alone that could potentially be improved. Sometimes, creating from nothing is involved in that, but most times, it’s taking what already is and asking, “How could this be even better?” And sometimes “better” comes in the form of taking an approach, a paradigm, or an established methodology, tying it to the nearest tree, and putting a bullet in its head. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Because I’m constantly evaluating and seldom (if ever) fully satisfied, my mind is continually spinning and working on what-ifs, what-nows, and why-nots? I don’t suppose I’m unique in this; I bet you have a fair measure of evaluative DNA in your bones as well.

One of the assessments I’m trying to make right now is to evaluate how emotionally supportive and personally accessible I am. I didn’t wake up with those two areas of growth in my mental crosshairs, but as I’ve thought about it, they have emerged as two possible areas I could do some work in.

I’ve often said that self-awareness is a superpower. It’s one of those things you notice more when it’s absent than when it’s present. For example, my wife and I drove out to the middle of nowhere to a small country furniture store that sold Amish-quality (if you know, you know) furniture, and it was also a deli of sorts that reportedly piled the lunch meats high on their freshly made bread. We didn’t go for the furniture.

While waiting for our sandwiches to be assembled by bonnet-wearing, long-dress-adorned women, another customer approached us to tell a joke. I’m not kidding. No warning. No “I’m about to tell you a joke” disclaimer. No preparation. She just hit us with this quip that she considered amusing.

Have you ever had to make a decision that, in the face of sheer awkwardness, you’re going to just go with it and try and endure with a smile on your face? That was us. Her joke was understandable, but it just wasn’t funny. It was on par with a really bad “dad joke.” We responded with the appropriate amount of sympathy laugh, trailed off with the well-known “after-laugh” sigh that kind of trails off, letting the jokemaker know that their joke was…ummm….over.

Undaunted and clearly unaware of our discomfort, she doubled down with another joke. A swing and a miss. Strike two.

Then, to my horror, she pulls out her third attempt. I wish I could tell you what it was, but it was so bad that my mind instantly protected itself by erasing the memory of that joke.

One thing I can say for this sweet lady was that she was gleefully unaware of the situation as we saw it. She was just doing what she did: cracking jokes and taking names. Yep. Self-awareness is a superpower. And you know it best when it’s absent.

So, all that to say, I want to be self-aware. Sorry, that deli story was the “long way around the barn” as my dad would say. Still, I want to be in tune with areas of growth that present themselves.

I wonder how well or poorly I’ve actually done in these two areas. The areas of support and accessibility, in particular, are, for whatever reason, the two areas that are in front of me right now. I won’t share the details, but I can look back on different situations where I have been either accidentally unsupportive or inadvertently inaccessible.

I titled this blog post as I did because I really do believe that. At the end of the day, it really is connections that matter most. First, I want to be connected to Jesus. And by connected, I mean abiding deeply in who He is, how He loves, and where He’s going. (John 15:4-11) The youthful desire I once had to just “get stuff done” has been slowly replaced by a desire to “keep Jesus close.” I’ve learned over the years that getting stuff done without keeping Jesus close is worth exactly nothing. (Psalm 127:1) I know that’s a harsh statement. But it’s not less true because it’s difficult to hear.

One of the things I love about this young generation is their apparent desire to connect more than accomplish. God bless previous generations and their dogged determination to grind at all costs, and I don’t mean to say that Gen Z or Alpha or even Millenials aren’t hard workers. They most assuredly are. But what is of equal or greater value seems to be connecting well while they also do the stuff on their to-do lists. It’s the beautiful understanding that the program is the vehicle, but the person holds the value.

So, how do I make better connections? How do I increase my accessibility? I have taken steps in that direction and have seen some traction. But what must be in place is the intentional steps of seeing what is lacking or needing strengthening, swallowing your pride, and seeking out ways to improve upon it.

Here’s one thing I’m doing. It’s so simple that I’m sure millions of others have already figured this out and applied this to their daily lives. Since I want my life to be marked by JOY, and since I’m a sucker for acrostics, I’m seeking to live each day with these three things at the forefront of my interactions and connections:

J – Jesus. Jesus is my best friend, my King, my healer, my grace-giver, my companion, and my Lord to name just a few. Because of the love relationship I have with Him, I am guided in all ways to love and to serve as He loves and serves. He enables me by the power of His own Spirit to do that; it is none of me and all of Him.

O – Others. If you know me personally or if we’ve ever even had just one interaction, I hope and pray that I gave you attention, showed you respect, and dignified you as a beloved creation of God. I hope that when we talked, you felt heard, understood, seen, and even embraced. If I fell short of that, I apologize. Let’s try again. I drink coffee every day and eat lunch every day. I’d love to do either of those with you.

Y – You. This one’s interesting because John clearly taught us that “I must decrease, and He [Jesus] must increase.” (John 3:30). So it stands to reason that the less of me there is, the more of Jesus there is. But then again, Jesus Himself taught us to “Love your neighbor AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF.” (Mark 12:31) Do these two principles (me decreasing and me loving myself) conflict with each other? I don’t think so. We must have a God-view of ourselves just as we do of others. One prayer I regularly pray is “God help me to see and love people as you see and love them.” But I’ll confess to you that I do not pray that prayer to include myself when, in actuality, I should. “God, help me to see myself as you see me” is a prayer that I need to put into practice.

What connections are most important in your life? How could they possibly be stronger?

What other areas of your life are you evaluating and strengthening?

Leave some thoughts in the comments.

Three Words.

/ jerrythinks / 1 Comment

I’ve been thinking lately about systematized spiritual growth. For much of my years on earth walking with Jesus, I’d have preferred to look at our relationship as 100% organic, free-flowing, and even undefinable. After all, if what we’ve got here is a love relationship, not only can it NOT be measured; it SHOULDN’T be measured. Doesn’t seeking to apply a metric to a love affair automatically take away the cache’, the soul of it all, and the essence of what a relationship is in the first place? So I thought.

What would happen to your thoughts if I asked you to qualify your most important relationship? What would you start thinking if I required you to prove empirically that what you say you have in that relationship is what you actually have? Where would you begin? What measuring stick would you use? I believe most of us would point to our actions as qualifiers of our affections, wouldn’t we? I believe most of us would start listing the things we DO as evidence for how we FEEL. If I say to you, “I’m in love with my wife” and you reply with, “Prove it.” then I’d probably start to tell you all the things I attempt to do on the practical level; visible, outward signs that I actually AM in love with my wife. (I am, by the way.)

Can we put such measures on our spiritual health? Does action always equal affection? Of course not. But I do believe that affection always leads us to action.

I was visiting a friend in the hospital the other day. I pushed the elevator’s “up” button from the first-floor lobby and waited for the *ding* that indicated my ride had arrived. While waiting there, a young woman with a child stood nearby, presumably waiting for the same elevator. *DING* The metal doors slid open and we all stepped in. The doors slid closed. There’s that awkward, almost heavy-ish silence in elevators with strangers, right? We had several floors to ascend, so this silence would be a little bit longer than usual. Then suddenly, the silence was shattered: “WHO ARE YOU?!?” The young boy, I’m guessing 6 or 7 years old had boisterously broken that awkward silence with a straight-forward, yet equally awkward question, given the context we were in.

Always a fan of the assertive and wanting to reward him with a reply, I turned my whole body toward him to show him I was fully engaged and ready to answer his question. “My name is Jerry. I’m a pastor and I’m here to visit a teenager I know who’s here in the hospital. What’s your name?” The mom, slightly aghast of the friendly outburst her son just filled the elevator with quickly and sternly corrected him, trying to use it as a training moment on how to introduce yourself to someone. Sadly, that training went mobile as the doors opened and they walked out of that elevator. I never got my answer on who that kid was. But I could tell we’d have had a great chat, given more time.

Since then, his question has hung in my mind like an elevator between floors.

I don’t suppose he meant it existentially. I think he probably saw a man (me), didn’t know that man’s name, and very practically went about the business of finding out. Good for him. But still, the question is more than that. Much more, in fact.

Let me disappoint you here and tell you that I’m not going to unpack all there is to unpack in this one single blog post. So please revisit to travel with me on this stroll. Or as I’ve invited you previously, you can email me or text me. I’m fine with either. Here’s the thought I’m thinking and trying to move forward in terms of systematized spiritual growth and health: The life of one who embraces their own spiritual journey will ultimately travel this continuum:

“Who am I?” —————————————————————————“Here am I.”

I’d submit to you that every living and thinking human on this dust ball speck that’s hurdling at a speed of 67,000 mph through the universe is, at some point earlier than later thinking that question on some level: “Who am I?” Or to break it down a bit more, we could ask accompanying questions like, “What makes me tick?”, “What are my passions?”, “What am I about?”, “What does/should my life look like?”, “Where is my value?”, “Who are my people?”, and even “Do I like me?” All these questions and more float through our conscious and subconscious continually; until they are satisfied(ish).

The shortcut I’d like to give anyone who’d like to take it is that the question “Who am I?” cannot possibly be answered apart from acknowledging some level of Other-ness. What I mean is that you’ll never find a suitable or satisfactory answer to that question inside yourself. No offense. It’s just not possible. And here’s more bad news. If you’re someone who has spun the Wheel of Origin and landed on “Humans are accidental beings results from millions and billions of years of evolution”…well…then….I got nothing for you. But I do tip my hat on the amount of faith you’re displaying in believing that drivel. Again, no offense.

That Other-ness must–hear me–it MUST acknowledge a cause outside yourself. More to the point, it MUST acknowledge a Creator. You’ll never ever find out the answer to “Who am I?” apart from embracing that you’re not your own. If this is where you slam this website shut in disgust, then so be it.

The rest of your spiritual walk will (and should) lead you ultimately to where the prophet Isaiah ended up in chapter six of his now-famous book. Isaiah is known as the “messianic” prophet because of his mile-long list of prophecies about Jesus some 700 years or so before Jesus’ birth. Read Isaiah 6. Look at the conclusion this prophet comes to after experiencing the full majesty of the King and Creator. Knowing precisely now who he was, Isaiah rightfully came to the only conclusion any of us can reach: “Here am I.” (Isaiah 6:8). I’m not a tattoo guy, but man that verse sums up the greatest posture any human can take in terms of spiritual vitality, passion, and mission.

So I told you I don’t have all this nailed down or packaged up, but I am going to think deeply and intentionally about what it looks like to help people move from “Who am I?” to “Here am I.” After all, these two coordinates on the map of spiritual growth represent two very distinct places we find ourselves. And in full disclosure, I’ve been at both points. Currently, my daily mindset starts with “Here am I” and goes from there because I know that since I’m breathing the work isn’t done. It’s good work and it’s God’s work and that’s what I want MY life to be about. I learned at the age of 16 the answer to the question “Who am I?” and now at the age of 50, I get to live a “Here am I” life. And in case I haven’t bee clear, I fully recommend it.

As always, I love to hear from those who read my blog (Hi, Mom!). Feel free to leave a comment. And realize this one isn’t over. Not by a long shot.