Striving Imperfection

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I’m a closet perfectionist.  And I’m coming out.

“Hi. My name is Jerry and I’m a perfectionist.”

I can hear you all saying “Hi, Jerry.” followed by light applause.  Thank you.

Let me be even more honest.  I sometimes let my striving for perfection stop me from making any forward progress at all.  The rationale goes something like this, “If I __(write)__ and it isn’t phenomenal, then I’m not going to be happy, people won’t like it, and the overall quality of __(the blog)__ is going to be negatively affected.

Case in point.  I just started a new weekly schedule whereby I actually have allotted time to contribute to my blog twice a week.  However, because I got an unexpected phone call as the allotted time was approaching, I was left with only a few minutes to write and thought “Nah, won’t write today.” The problem is (in true perfectionistic form), I didn’t want to muff up my new schedule on my very first day of implementation!  See the cycle?!?  But I digress.

So, I’m just going to write about what’s going on in my head right now.

Tonight is “Trunk or Treat” at my church.  We typically have well over 1,000 people from the community come through our parking lot, picking up treats and hopefully a healthy dose of God’s love and maybe even a “I should check them out” thought in their mind.  I’m excited about my costume.  It cost me exactly $1.  I bought an old used work shirt from a company called “Lake Electric” that has the name patch “Justin” on it.  Total blue collar look with jeans and work boots.  Who am I?  I’m Bieber in 20 years.  My wife and I are helping with registration at the event tonight.

I’ve got a lot going on in my whole effort to shift my time around in order to make sure I’m more focused on the important rather than the urgent.  Taking my cues from Mary instead of Martha.  If you don’t have any clue what I’m talking about, read this.

Well, speaking of important, I’ve got an errand to run.  Thanks for checking in on what may or may not be what I consider a completely “imperfect” blog post.

SanctifiPod

/ jerrythinks / 9 Comments

I’m not a legalist.  I’m just putting that out there.  I’m not a follower of Jesus who’s in it for the comfort of rules and order.  I think Christians get far too well known for our proverbial “Don’ts” than for anything else.  There are people living right now who reject Jesus and (more accurately) Christians/Christianity because it seems most like a long list of what you’re not allowed to do.  So, before I get into what I’m about to say I want to say first that I hate the fact that I’ve had to say what I just said.  Now that that’s out of the way…

Something happened to me recently that has started/restarted a conversation with myself (yet another) about a specific issue; the issue of practical holiness or as some refer to it as “sanctification”.  I’d like to add to that “daily sanctification”.  Here’s what happened to me:  We recently signed up for Blockbuster’s “Combo Pass” which allows us to take out any movie or video game from our local Blockbuster store for any amount of time.  (If you’re thinking that a pastor shouldn’t be a member at Blockbuster, you might be a legalist.  If you’re not sure, reread the first paragraph.)  The Combo Pass allows us to take any movie or game out, one at a time, and keep it from anywhere from a few hours to a few weeks.  When we return it, we trade it in for any other item we’d like.  There’s a flat monthly fee and since we use Blockbuster a bit and since the monthly fee for this month is 50% off ($7.50 for the  month), we thought we’d give it a shot.  In a nutshell, we’ve used it to the hilt.

So, a couple of Friday’s ago I had the day off.  All the kids were in school, my wife was at work, and I was essentially on my own to do whatever I felt like doing.  I decided that I’d head to Blockbuster and get a video game to play.  I thought I’d try that “Black Ops” game everyone seems to be abuzz over, but when I looked over the selection, I decided on what I thought would be a bit tamer: Goldeneye 007 (A James Bond movie-based game).  With a few hours to kill and a video game under my arm, I headed home.

I put the game into the machine and was soon underway on my first spy mission.  Goldeneye is known as a “FPS”-style game, or “first person shooter” game.  The screen is filled with the images I would see as I walk through bunkers, up stairs, and around corners on my way to the rendezvous point.  Graphically, it was pretty cool.  But as anyone who plays or knows FPS games can tell you, the word “shooter” in the title is pretty much the whole point of the game.  So, as I glided, ducked, and snuck my way through the game’s first level, I had to–ahem–shoot people.

I could really draw this out, but I’ll just cut right to the chase.  Within about 30 minutes of playing this “first person shooter” game, I began to feel physically ill.  I quickly concluded that the stress of the game, the imagery of the shooting, the pressure of the mission, and the overall fantastical experience of being that shooter for 30 minutes had truly been detrimental to my mind, and quite literally my body as well.

I returned the game to Blockbuster within a couple hours of picking it up and the whole experience soon faded from my mind.  That is, until today.

I knew that today would be the day I’d cut the grass and for me, every chore is better with music.  So, I fired up my Pandora radio (built into my phone), chose the “80s Throwback, 90s Comeback” station, yanked the cord on the mower and started out on the work at hand.  I listened to the likes of Bon Jovi, John Cougar Mellencamp, and GNR.  And it was during that second Guns ‘N Roses song that I began to notice something.  Not quite as acute as my 007 incident, but I could have sworn that I had literally begun to feel “down”.  I can’t say that it was entirely physical though there was an element of that.  I suppose its best described as a “soul blah”.   Now I want to restate right here that I don’t think people who listen to secular music are bound for hell because they listen to secular music.  In fact, I own and enjoy several albums of non-Christian musicians.  Its just that I can’t deny the effect that this music was having on me.  Recalling my half hour as James Bond, I decided that right then and there I would stop the mower, change the station to one that played Christian/worship music and see what happened.  Guess what?  I almost instantly began to feel lifted, stronger, and overall better.  Again, I’m not proposing that Christian music is magical; I’m only conveying MY experience right there in my yard this morning.

As a man who decided over 20 years ago to turn it all over to Jesus and His Lordship of my life, I must confess to you that as I get older, I see a direct connection between His Lordship and my sense of peace and ease.  Not at all that full surrender brings full bliss and problem-free living, but rather that full surrender brings confidence and certainty while the opposite brings, well, the opposite.  The Bible puts it this way, “You will keep him in perfect peace who’s mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”  (Isaiah 26:3)

Daily sanctification is the result of the day-to-day choices we make as to who we’re going to follow.  Those choices reflect our heart, for better or for worse.  And while its arguable that video games and music choices play a minor role in our overall holiness, I’d submit that they play just as much an integral a part as any other choice we can make; from running that red light to stealing that item to committing that adultery to ending that life.  How can we dismiss some choices, claiming they have no bearing on the choices we’d call bigger?  Doesn’t each small drop of rain contribute to the torrential downpour?

So, based on my experiences as of late with gaming and music and if I were to make a decision on those isolated alone, I’d have to say that filling my eyes, mind, and ears with things that don’t make God the center draw me farther from Him and likewise filling my eyes, mind, and ears with things that do make God the center draw me closer to Him.

The conversation opens when I realize (because its true) that there are plenty of Jesus-following, God-honoring people who are reading this post and love first-person-shooter games.  And there are people who love Jesus and are listening to Guns ‘N Roses while reading my blog.  And again, if you think they’re not really Christians then you need to go back and re-reread my first paragraph because you may need to check yourself for legalism.

Instead of drawing this all up with a nice bow, I’d like to invite YOUR thoughts on the effects in YOUR life of “secular” media choices; gaming, television, music, movies, etc.   This is a great opportunity for any who have been faithful readers but who have never posted a comment to do so!  All I ask for is honesty and respect for others viewpoints.

Why Do We Want

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While its true that I’ve been invited to speak at a revival series later this month, I’m not yet sure if I believe in the concept of revival.  At least, not in the way we have come to understand it, describe it, and daydream about it.  Hear me out.

It seems to me that we talk about revival like we’re at a bus stop waiting for a bus that may or may not exist; one that has no schedule, and worse yet — no clear destination.

So, approaching the idea of revival with the body of believers I’m honored to be invited by, I’ll begin with one often overlooked question: “Why do you want revival?”  I mean, it sounds like the right thing to want but if we look deeper than the surfacey nice-nice it portrays, I think we’ll see some hard truths that must be faced before forward motion can happen.

First, the desire for revival must, by definition, include an admission of the need to be “revived”.  Let’s not get too complicated here; if something needs to be revived, what we’re really saying is that it’s dead or nearly so.  The very desire for revival must first be okay with confessing our deadness.  And we’re Christians.  Ouch.

Secondly, revival by its very nature declares that we are not complacent to stay where we are any longer.  Inject a Christian with truth serum and they’ll likely tell you that they feel spiritually stuck more often than they care to admit.  But to all those who I’ll be joining in NC later this month, and to all those reading these words, I share a wonderful quote from the prolific, late Mike Yaconelli when he said, “Being stuck is the prerequisite to being unstuck.”  So, Christian stuck in your _________, rejoice!  You’re right now in the perfect position to be unstuck!  If we’re going to call for revival, we’re going to have to make up our minds that we can’t possibly stay here.  Here is where we’ve been.  Here is where we’re comfortable.  Here is what’s familiar.  Here is where our routine lives.  So, we must march on…and out of here.

Finally, revival calls for God to do something.  (As if He hasn’t done enough.)  Essentially, we prepare, we plan, we pray, we plan, we coordinate, we pray, we prepare….and then we wait.  And if God doesn’t “show up” in the way we have planned and prescribed for Him to show up, then…well…dangit.  We’ll have to try again next year.

Here are 3 things that I believe revival does.  If you’re looking for complex and deep then get ready for disappointment:

1. Revival calls us out of the sin we’ve wallowed in.  And I’m talking about “Christians” here.

2. Revival calls us into the Word of God–for nourishment, for sustenance, for comfort, for counsel, for all we need.

3. Revival sparks within us an unquenchable love for the lost and for sharing the message of the cross in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Are there more thoughts I have on revival?  Sure there are.   And if the Lord enables me, I’m excited to share them with the people of New Life Baptist Church later this month.

Charis(auto)matic

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Ask anybody.  Forgiveness is a very popular concept.  We all know we need it.  The idea that whatever you did can be forgiven–well, who doesn’t want that?  The gospel song “Amazing Grace” is one that is widely known and loved by Christians and non-Christians alike.  Let’s face it, grace rocks.

We’re headed into a season of focusing on God’s grace in a concerted and intentional way at our church.  Its going to be a wonderful journey into new truths and poignant reminders of just where we stand before a holy God.

In a staff meeting the other day, our senior pastor was talking to us about what God says about grace, forgiveness, and mercy.  As he was speaking, my mind went back to my college Greek class and the word for “grace”.  It’s the Greek word “charis”.  Many Christians define grace as “unmerited favor”, and rightfully so.  But charis is so much more than a wink from God we didn’t earn.

I also made the instant connection (as our pastor was speaking) to the term “charismatic”.  Charismatic has become a descriptive term used to explain a style of worship in some churches; as in, “I really love that church! Their worship services are so energetic and charismatic.” Or “That church is too charismatic for my taste.”  How has a description to a style of worship  hi-jacked the word that I believe should describe every follower of Jesus?!?  I mean, if “charis” means grace, then doesn’t “charismatic” describe a gracious person?  And shouldn’t all those who name Jesus as Lord be examples of grace on a daily, hourly, minutely basis?

I grew up in a fairly traditional Baptist church.  (That’s an actual picture of it to the right.)  If you’ve been reading my blog for a while now, you probably already know that my Dad was the pastor of this small church in South Jersey.  And as much as I loved my church as a boy and teenager, I can tell you without flinching that we were most certainly NOT a “charismatic” church.  If you raised your hand, you probably had a question.  If you clapped, it was only after the duet of the elderly couple whose name I can’t remember; he played violin and she sang; both rather squeakily as I recall.  And if you found yourself on the floor, the only possible explanation is that you fell.  Nope, charismatic we were not.  We left the snake handling to the pros.

But when we can fully understand and appreciate that the word “charis” (grace) is translated as “that which affords joy” and “blessing, concession, gift, credit”, well…things change.  That last word “credit” strikes me more than any.  The concept of credit is taking/using what belongs to someone else with the intention of paying back in the future.  We in America know it well.  Very well.  Most Americans are drowning (many secretly) in thousands upon thousands of dollars in credit card debt.  But because of the true meaning of the word “charis”, we who love, receive, and follow Christ are in a position of first receiving what we most certainly have no claim to on our own, and then having no expectation on the part of our Creditor to pay that amount back.  Indeed, if I understand the gospel correctly, the bill of my sin credit has been paid in full by the shed blood of Jesus Christ.  A popular concept I’ve heard is that “Jesus dropped the charges” when in reality the truth is “Jesus paid the charges”!  Grace is the removal of the weight of my own sin from my soul and placed upon the shoulders of Jesus.  Instead of punishment, I get pardon.  Instead of condemnation, I get celebration.  Instead of hell, I get healed.

But the transaction of receiving grace from God is only fully complete when we become the conduit of His grace.  Certainly God loves you and forgives you, but only for the purpose of making you the kind of lover and forgiver that He is; not so that you can look into the mirror each morning and smile at someone who is forgiven and yet doesn’t forgive.  In fact, we’re warned in scripture that if you don’t forgive….wait for it….you can’t be forgiven.  How’s THAT for a loving nudge toward being a “charis-matic” person?

So, let’s not just use the term “charismatic” for that church down the road (you know the one), but let’s instead find the word useful to describe every grace-filled, fully-credited, freely-loving follower of Jesus.

If you want to read a cool experience I had 4 years ago, click here.  It’s all about grace, too.

Serendipitous.

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The relationship between the sovereignty of the Almighty and the free will of the unmighty (that’s us–no offense) is one that is confounding, to say the very least.  The fact that God who “has the whole world in His hands…” lets me have a say in anything, let alone the trajectory of my life is nothing less than miraculous.  But He does.  And excuse my French, but I think that rocks.

 

It’s been a day of serendipity.  Let me first define serendipity then I’ll tell you how I saw it.

Serendipity is an interjection of the divine providence with the human circumstance, looking like sheer coincidence.  I just now made that up, so let me take a sec and flesh it out: We’re doing our thing, going about our free-will day, when suddenly God intersects with us to show us that even though we’re free to do as we wish, He’s not going to sit idly by and not let us see Him working too.

I happened to be walking past a couple people that attend our church as they sat in the lobby cafe this morning, so I stopped by to chat.  As we talked, I (unknowingly) mentioned something that they apparently were just discussing.  I then mentioned that me walking by and sharing what I did must have been by “divine appointments”.  To be honest, I was pretty light-hearted and kind of joking about the whole thing.  Thinking not much more of it, I said my so-longs and walked off.  More on that later.

A couple hours later I had a lunch meeting with someone that was practically a stranger.  We met quite by “accident” several weeks ago when I happened to read a comment he wrote under an online article written by a friend of mine.  Turns out, that “friend of mine” (Kent) was in fact a “friend of ours”.  His name is Chris.  In his comment, he mentioned he lived in the Richmond area.  I like meeting people, so I also commented on our friend’s article and in a completely unsolicited way pretty much said that Chris and I ought to try and get together.  (Is that creepy?)  He almost immediately invited me into a small group of businessmen that he meets with weekly for the purpose of goal-setting and goal-getting; a “success accountability” type of group.  My schedule doesn’t jive with when they meet but as he said in an email, “I’d love to get together for lunch. I think there’s a reason we connected. We should probably find out what it is.”  Well put I thought.  By the way, if you’d like to read Chris’ blog, head over to www.mysimpleinspiration.com after you’re done here.

So, today we meet for lunch at a Mexican place on Forest Hill Ave.  I was immediately struck by his sharpness.  He quickly reminded me of a video shoot years ago that I was in and I guess all I can say about that is that his face and name fell victim to my steel trap memory; the steel trap that is rusted open.  Sorry, Chris.  No offense.   Like I said, this guy is sharp.  Not just professionally, but personally.  Chris is well-spoken, articulate, and genuine.  He knows what he’s after and is definitely going after it.  Best of all, he loves Jesus.  I thoroughly enjoyed our lunch together and before we parted company, we both agreed that we should definitely get together again.  And I know we will.

So imagine making a comment on an onilne article and as a result you end up at lunch with a near-perfect stranger only to realize that you are in many ways “in the same boat” (interests/aspirations) and there are innumerable ways this new friendship could potentially be mutually beneficial; not to mention just down-right fun.  And the icing on this “coincidence” cake is that our desire to live lives surrendered to God’s power and leading is our greatest common thread.  Hello, serendipity.  Nice to meet you.

Okay, so we say goodbye with an eye on another lunch this fall and I head back to my office.  Not long after sitting down my phone rings.  Remember those two people from the cafe this morning?  Sure you do.  Well, one of them had told me before leaving the cafe that he wanted his son to definitely go on our upcoming high school fall retreat.  He wasn’t sure how it was going to be paid for, but he really wanted to make it possible somehow.  I assured him as he walked away, “It’ll work out.”  He was calling me to tell me that just today a friend called out of the blue and asked him to lunch.  At lunch the friend wanted to know how his son was doing and was there anything he needed.  This father shared openly about his son’s desire to go on the fall retreat and right there the person pulled out a check and gifted him with the entire amount.

Remember that “It’ll work out.”?  Sure you do.  Hello, serendipity.  Nice to see you again!

You can go ahead and chalk all this up to coincidence, but simpleton that I am, I choose to give a loving Heavenly Father credit where credit is due.  Thank God that He cares deeply about what’s going on in your life and even gives you and I the privilege of showing us how much.

“Unt Dat!”

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I’m sitting at a booth in a well-known local cafe’, having just witnessed something that prompted me to write my thoughts down.  Hope you don’t mind.

I walked into the cafe’ and took my place in line to order, waiting patiently.  A few minutes after coming in, a young woman and her son (I’m guessing 3 years old) come in and take their place in line.  Without stopping, the young boy makes a bee-line to the front of the line where the pastries are displayed just-so behind a piece of glass, goes directly to the monstrously sized cinnamon buns, and begins to yell ever-so-loudly while pointing at the cinnamon buns:

“Unt Dat!”

“Unt Dat!”

“Unt Dat!”

“Unt Dat!”

“Unt Dat!”

“Unt DAT!”

“UNT DAT!”

“Unt DAT!”

“Ma!  Unt DAAAT!!!”

As humans, we “unt dat”, don’t we?  It’s a different “dat” for each of us.  Just as an example, lately I’ve been fixated on a new TV (which is preposterous because we don’t even have cable).  I’ll take any excuse to saunter through local big box stores and just stare crazily at the wall of flat screen wonderousness.  Sales people approach me, “Can I help you, sir?”  With a silence that clearly says, “Just leave me alone with my precious”, I don’t even bother to look their way.

And I suspect that if you’re honest–I mean with the honestly of a 3-year-old in a bakery–there’s a “dat” for you, too.  I suppose “dats” are harmless in and of themselves; the harm comes when we give too high a priority to those “dats”.  When we pay mental, emotional, and even financial wages to obtain our dat, to the detriment of other things and even ourselves.

Here’s the thing about that dat.  It’s only dat because you don’t have it.  Once you have it, it’s not “all dat” anymore.  I can nearly guarantee that if I had a 60″ flat screen TV in my family room, it would hold that awe-inspiring-wonder status for no more than a half an hour.  After that time, it’d be nothing more than my TV in the family room.  And my mind would have to conjur up the next “dat”.

So, I need to be careful what glass I run up to, press my face against, and yell “UNT DAT!”  Because that dat might become more than I bargained for, stealing away my joy from what really, truly matters.

Jesus once told his followers not to run after those “dats” that rust and decay.  Instead we need to keep our eyes on the dats that DON’T rust and decay; those things that CAN’T be stolen away from us no matter what.  He went on to say that we should “lay up treasures in heaven”.  The idea here is that we live our lives depositing into an eternal account that cannot and will not be hacked into, depleted, or suffer loss.  An account that is untouchable, permanent forever, and eternal.  And when you leave this world (and all the dats with it), you’ll receive from that account what you have stored up.

Ministry Happens Here.

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As a very young boy, I vividly recall standing on a step-stool next to a rickety wooden table on which a mimeograph machine sat.  My task? Crank that handle like nobody’s business while my Dad (a step or two away) fed the blank bulletin sheets into the end of the machine.  So like a circus monkey paid with peanuts and applause (minus the peanuts and applause), I’d stand and crank the handle, turning the inky drum as it churned out bulletin after bulletin after bulletin in preparation for the upcoming Sunday’s worship service.  This was my first memory of my introduction to ministry.

I grew up in the shadow of a church.  And I mean that literally.  It wasn’t until my early 30’s that I didn’t live in a house or apartment that wasn’t directly next to or across the street from the church building I worked in and worshiped in.  For most of my life, I’ve been a mere stone’s throw away from a church building.  Where I sit now, typing these words is as far as where I live has ever been away from my church, where I work/serve/minister/worship; not more than 15 minutes.

I had lunch with my senior pastor yesterday.  I’ll start off by saying I LOVE this guy.  Jerome is someone who is as sincere as they come and a genuine lover of God and people.  He is immediately embracable and approachable and has an uncanny ability to remember your name even after only meeting you once.  He has a heart for leading with integrity, vision, passion, and fruitfulness.  He’s been the senior pastor at Southside for nearly 25 years.  You’d be hard pressed to find a pastor who lasts much longer than 25 months at a church, let alone 25 years.  I love Jerome and in every conversation we have, I become more and more convinced that Jerome loves me and my family.  So naturally I love any time I get to spend with Jerome, especially when its one-on-one.

We were discussing ministry-related issues among other things and through our conversation, I began to think about where and how ministry happens.  And just to have a common understanding, let me explain what I mean by “ministry”.  Ministry is any forward movement of God’s Kingdom, to put it one way.  Ministry happens in a wide variety of ways, not the least of which is at weekend worship gatherings.  Ministry happens not through pastors alone, but through every person who names Jesus as Lord and allows His Lordship to flow through their life into the life of another.  Ministry is me listening to a grieving friend as he tells of the end of his marriage, despite his uttermost efforts to save it.  Ministry is you taking food, clothes, or other supplies to the homeless of your area.  Ministry  is the teaching and preaching of God’s Word to God’s people.  Ministry is two Christians sitting in a cafe’ discussing and encouraging one another with Scripture.  Ministry happens when I’m present in your pain.  Ministry is you visiting someone in the hospital or nursing home.  Ministry is walking next door to your neighbors who just had a baby, carrying a casserole and package of diapers.  Ministry is you speaking to God on someone else’s behalf.  Ministry is bringing food to the hungry, clothes to the needy, water to the thirsty, compassion to the hurting, and God’s love in God’s name to any other human being in any context.  THAT’S ministry.

But I’ve got to make a confession.  Like my early days as a mimeograph handle cranker, I can sometimes view pastoral ministry as happening predominantly inside the four walls of an office, and sitting behind a desk.  And I wonder how many other pastors feel and do the same.  But here’s the thing that stings:  Jesus didn’t even have an office.  Or a desk.  And by all Scriptural evidence, I don’t even see anything about a chair.

Of course I realize that Jesus was in an extremely different ministry context.  Of course I realize that things were different then, some 2,000 years ago.  And of course, I realize that HE’S JESUS.  But still, Jesus spent way more time in the fields than in the temple.  An honest look at Jesus’ ministry approach reveals He focused more on reaching than preaching.  After all, if you haven’t reached out, then who exactly are you preaching to?  I know they’re not mutually exclusive, but I also see that in most situations, there’s a natural progression of one to the other.

But I’m awfully comfortable at my desk.  Not physically really, but in a personal security sense.  At my desk, I have a sense of domain.  I know what I’m doing and I’m good at those things.  I can email like a banshee and get replies from people within minutes and a have a sense of progression.  I can stand up, walk to the whiteboard, and plan out a year’s worth of sermons and socials.  I can sit down at my computer and pound out a spreadsheet, a devotional book, or a flyer promoting our next event.  But when I walk out the door, any one at all is liable to come up to me with a question, or a request, or some other need that I might not know how to handle.

And the longer I’ve grown in ministry, the more I believe that the vast majority of real ministry often happens far from the church building, from my office, and from my desk chair.  It happens in conversations with teens via text or social network while I’m sitting in a restaurant booth somewhere, it happens in homes where small groups meet, laugh, share, cry, and love God by loving each other.  It happens downtown where physical needs are met before spiritual needs are broached.  It happens suddenly when I get a message from someone asking “Can we talk?”.  It happens just as often in the unplanned chaos as it does in the planned routine of daily life.  As a pastor, I recognize that life in ministry seldom (if ever) leaves the trenches.

So God help me (a measly pastor) to live a life that prioritizes people over projects, “out there” more than “in here”, adventure over security, cold water in your hand over hot coffee on my desk, serving over being served, and Christ-like sacrifice over me-like comfort.