This is my fourth week of sabbatical and as with the first three weeks, I’ve certainly got some things to reflect on. Oddly enough, they’re largely swirling around the broad topic of memories. You have those, don’t you? Think of a fond memory right now. Think of someone you’ve known and perhaps is no longer with you. Think of a precious childhood memory that evokes a smile. Think of a place you’ve been and how that place made you feel. If you’re anything like me, for every few moments of memories I’ve retained I’m certain there are weeks and months worth of moments that are simply…gone. Unremembered likely because they were admittedly unremarkable. This is life as I know it. I recall the memorable and not so much the mundane.

I spent all of last week in Florida with my wife and youngest son as we visited my mother-in-law. It was a visit that we knew would not be a toes-in-the-sand type of Florida vacation but rather a time of helping her tidy up and declutter her home. Most of each day was spent sorting through things and lots of papers and items and photos in an effort to determine what should be kept and what should be let go. As the week went on, I began to grow in my commiseration and compassion for the whole situation. You see, in the past decade or so my mother-in-law has had to say goodbye to her own mother (old age), her oldest daughter (cancer), and her beloved husband (Alzheimers). So when we look at her home and see stuff that’s easily discarded, she sees a houseful of memory triggers that allow her to recall the ones she loves.

This morning I’m on Goldsboro, NC visiting my parents. I just spent the morning with them, roaming around the town I was born in and where I spent the first five years of my life. We drove past the two different houses we lived in between 1973 and 1979 when we moved to Cape May, NJ. One of the houses was just as I remember it and the other was in complete disrepair and hardly recognizable to me. It was at that house that I had a serious accident that nearly left me paralyzed. We drove past elementary schools I attended, past the park I used to play at, and past my grandparents old house (pictured here). Besides the missing enormous magnolia tree I used to climb, it was just as I remembered it.

A couple of months ago I began to commit to monthly personal prayer retreats. I take the morning hours on a Monday and find a place to walk/hike, get quiet, pray, and listen to God. The first retreat I took was along the James River, starting at a place called Texas Beach. As I meandered along the hiking/biking trail through the woods and along the river on one side and the city of Richmond on the other, I listened carefully to what God might be saying to me. Two words continued to be impressed on my heart: “Eyes forward.” I didn’t know (and still don’t) why I would’ve conjured that up on my own so I simply trusted that God was giving me a very clear and simple instruction: To keep my eyes (and my heart, my outlook, my perspective) facing forward.

I’ll make a confession to you. This likely won’t surprise you but as a pastor of students who’s been in ministry for 29 years, I have lots of life in the rearview mirror. I’ve interacted with countless middle and high school students over the years; some in the shallow end (they’re choosing) and some in the very, very deep end of ministry. While I’m grateful for all those years behind me, I can have a tendency to compare what is with what was. Like someone with a houseful of memories, I can become fixated on what was and bemoan the fact that what is doesn’t seem to compare. If I do this long enough (within seconds, really), it becomes a self-criticizing frenzy of, “you’re not doing it right”, and “you used to be good at this”, and “you should probably hang it up and do something else”, and “it’ll never been like it was.” Do memories ever turn on you like that? Do you ever think back and subconsciously think what’s behind you is better than what’s ahead of you? It’s an unfair assessment, really. Besides, you know the past but have no clue about the future. The past is full of periods but the future is nothing but question marks. The past is easily critiqued, graded and sorted but the future is filled with wonder, possibility, and boundless opportunities. What right do we have choosing one over the other or saying the known past is preferable over the unknown future?

I’d submit to you that to cling to the past is not only unhealthy but unbiblical. As I read the scriptures, it seems to me that the only reason we are to interact with the past at all is to remember the goodness of God for the purpose of fueling our faith in the future God has promised. We are NOT to live in the past at the expense of the goodness of God in the present. When we do, we short-circuit the work of God in the here and now in exchange for a dusty box of what used to be but no longer is. It’s not that memories are the enemy; not at all. Honoring what was is a great discipline. But then be sure to move in faith with your “eyes forward”, focused closely on what God is doing now, and what He might be doing next.

Here are some questions I’m asking that you can ask too:

1. Which memories have I given too much attention to? So much that I have neglected the possibilities of the present?
2. What are the here and now desires of my heart as it pertains to my love relationship with God and the plans He may have for me in the present?
3. Where have I placed my hope and confidence? Where can I see God’s hand moving in my life? Am I perhaps blinded to it because of some desire to focus on what was rather than what is and could be?
4. Am I willing to pray: God, I want to thank you for all that is behind me but please protect me from the thought that you only dwell there and not ahead of me. Open my eyes to see the beauty of your Presence in this moment right where I am. By Your Spirit, lead me wherever you desire for me to go. I know you’re doing a new thing in my life. I embrace that new thing now and ask that you’ll show me more of You as I keep my eyes forward. Amen.

If you’re willing, I’d love to hear your answers to any or all of these questions. You can email me privately at jvarner@southsidechurchva.org. I’d love to know your thoughts on how you interact with memories and any role they play in how you view the present and future. As always, thank you for reading.

I vividly recall hearing those words repeated each week from that mysterious, strong voice as he set in motion yet another episode of dreams coming true and lessons being learned along the way:

“My dear guests, I am Mr. Roarke, your host. Welcome to Fantasy Island!”

With Tattoo, his trusty herald (announcing “De plane! De plane!”) and consigliere standing dutifully at his side, Mr. Roarke would raise a tropical-looking drink and toast the new set of visitors who had come; each with their backstory of heartbreak, dreams unfulfilled, and yes, even fantasy.

For those of you who’ve waited patiently for my third installment of my sabbatical update, I want to say thank you, and raise the proverbial tropical-looking drink in your direction. It’s been a wild week (nearly two by now) and let me assure you that much has happened that I’d love to recount; for my own memory’s sake and hopefully for your entertainment.

On Monday of last week–hang on, let me back up–The week prior to last week, I was in Tampa Florida for a huge gathering of 12,000 high schoolers. It’s an every 4 year gathering called the “Nazarene Youth Conference” (NYC for short). During our trip, I had a chance to go paddle boarding which was on my summer bucket list, as I had never been before. Loved it. So when we arrived at home in Virginia, I wanted to go again. But alas, I don’t own a paddle board or all the accoutrements that go along with it. But I have a friend named Heather who does. She was more than willing for me to borrow her paddle board set up. So on Monday of last week, I set out for a solo trip on the James River, much to the dismay of my wife, parents, and sisters who felt it entirely too dangerous to do something I’d only done once for 10 minutes, and do it on an unpredictable body of water such as the James, and do it a day after a heavy deluge of rain, likely raising the river to an even deadlier threat level. Assuring my wife that my ignorance would not end in death, I headed out and found a great spot to launch from. As you can see, the river was nearly glass, I was completely alone, and despite only inflating the paddle board to half the pressure it should have been (I only found that out later), I had a great time paddling around nature. No harm, no foul. I’m excited for my next time out.

Let’s move on to Tuesday of that same week. I have a dear friend who over the years has repeatedly invited me to join him on a boat ride to Tangier Island. You’re not sure where Tangier Island is? Don’t feel bad. Most humans don’t know. Heck, not even Google knows where it is. But you know who does know? My friend David. So last Tuesday I drove out to his place and we climbed into the closest thing to the Batmobile I’ve ever ridden in; the kind of car with the jet engine in the back. Pedal to the metal, he whisked us away (at times far above the posted speed limit, just for the thrill) to where his boat was docked. And away to Tangier we floated. (Zoom in on that horizon and you’ll see the speck that is Tangier. Population: 400. Restaurants: 1. We sat down at a table in Lorraine’s restaurant and I ordered the flounder sandwich. And a better, more delicious flounder sandwich I cannot recall eating. We sat, talked life, families, business, a bit of philosophy, and shared lots of laughter. After lunch we walked the length of the island as he told me about its history and current condition.

Let’s talk about fear and trust for a moment. As a young boy, I would often go fishing with my dad and a friend who had a fishing boat. Before we left for the marina, my dad would pop a Dramamine in his mouth and then give one to me in order to prevent motion sickness. I trusted him that I needed it. So I grew up believing that if I didn’t want to puke my guts out when on a boat I should always remember to take my Dramamine. Until one day several years ago I was about to board a plane when I realized that I was out of Dramamine. My mind raced, “Oh no. Now what? I’m about to projectile vomit all over every person around me, I’m absolutely sure of it. I don’t have my Dramamine to stop me, so that’s the only conceivable outcome, right?” No. Not right. Not at all, as it turns out. It was then that I learned that I don’t need Dramamine for planes, for boats, for anything. Well, almost anything. More on that in a moment. What is it you’ve planted in the soil of fear? What lie or misinformation are you wrongfully putting stock in? For me, it was that the pill I was being fed would protect me. But we’re all susceptible to getting so used to a wrong thought that it feels like a right thought. Take inventory: what have you long assumed that you should stop believing, or at least test it to see if it’s valid? I bet there’s something there to discover. Try it and see. Because as it turns out, I never needed those countless pills I took.

Sabbatical is supposed to be, among other things, a pause (the literal definition of shabbat, the root concept). During that pause it’s intended to engage in things that are refreshing, relaxing, re-centering, and rejuvenating. You get the idea. And I can say unequivocally that the thrills of Monday (paddle boarding) and Tuesday (Tangier Island, the boat ride, and the Batmobile) were all of those things and more. But my week wasn’t even half over yet.

On Thursday at 8 am another friend of mine named Mark picked me up from my house with his Busch Gardens season pass which afforded him an extra admission ticket. And guess who has two thumbs and was the recipient of that extra ticket? This guy. So we headed off to Williamsburg, VA and the Busch Gardens amusement park. We spent the day riding all their amazing rollercoasters and because Mark is a serious aficionado of rollercoasters, we would ride each one twice before moving on to the next one.

If you’d like to see what I saw, here’s a video I found on YouTube that shows the POV from all of Busch Gardens rollercoasters. These are not in the carefully selected order Mark had prescribed for us that day, but you get the idea.

Okay, so back to that “More on that in a minute”. Remember my whole schpeel about not needing Dramamine? Well, I’m sticking to that but I can say that after the second (last) ride of the day on Alpengeist, my innards began to talk to me. They said, “Listen, Jerry. This has been a great day. We’ve had a lot of fun, really. But maybe it’s time to start thinking about pumping the brakes a little bit here. That last corkscrew pretty much screwed up your stomach which is still sideways down here. So, waddayasay? You wanna maybe call it quits for now? Because…how do I put this mildly…umm…the creek is rising.” And with that, I came to an agreement with my insides. We had ridden them all (twice) and were satisfied to call it a day.

The next day, Friday, would be an interesting day. It was the day I would take our sheepadoodle Winston to the dog sitter. We’ve always used a kennel and I’ve always hated, and I do mean HATED to leave him there. No matter how nice the people are, straining to get each of my limbs out of the cage he’s in and walk away from him is just heartbreaking. So we were glad to find the “Rover” app and hired someone who would take him into her home and care for him as her own. Freedom to sit on the couch, a backyard to run around in, and a new friend named “Bauer”, her golden retriever.

We dropped Winston off because we left Saturday to drive 13 hours to Florida where Merritt’s mom lives. If you’ve never heard of Tangier, I’d bet my bottom dollar that you’d definitely never heard of Wauchula, Florida. But this is where we’ve been hidden away this week. It’s been a nice visit and we’ll hit the road later today to head back toward home.

While here I was awakened one early morning with what I sensed was God’s voice telling me to “take a walk”. He may have meant that metaphorically, but he should’ve known I’m a very literal kind of guy so early that morning, before the sun got up I laced up my walking shoes and walked the small town. Walking in the mostly-dark of a mostly-unfamiliar town isn’t something I’m used to doing. My mind thought about where I should walk; should it be the more busy streets that are better lit so that when I’m abducted there might be some light for witnesses to catch the license plate number? Hmm. On the other hand, if I walk the busier streets with better lighting, aren’t I more likely to be exposed to more of the nefarious type who would abduct a grown man? These were the questions that stewed in my mostly-awake mind as I walked the town.

Toward the end of what would be this pre-dawn walk, I became frustrated that the God who had allegedly woken me for this walk hadn’t seemed to say anything while I was walking. C’mon, God. Say something. Give me some kind of magnanimous sign of that your will is. Let’s do this. I’m ready.

Crickets. Not literally because they too were asleep. But you get what I mean.

What came to mind in that moment of frustration was Jacob. Remember Jacob from Genesis 32? Jacob had sent his family ahead while he stayed behind. That night, Jacob and God wrestled. All night. Finally, Jacob’s wrestling partner was like, “Okay, let me go. Let’s call it a draw.” but Jacob said to him, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” (Genesis 32:26)

And that got me thinking. My spirit is most at rest when I am most entangled with God. The Hebrew word (used/found only in this passage) for “wrestle” is “ābaq” and it literally means “to grapple, get dusty”. When my spirit is willing to get dusty and dirty in worship and connection, in serving and seeking to serve, in questioning and discerning, in the daily ins-and-outs of walking this road with Jesus—then and only then am I most alive, most living, and most aware of God’s presence.

My spirit is most at rest when I’m wrestling with God. But I don’t wrestle angrily. I’m not wrestling to win. I’m wrestling to engage. I’m wrestling to show I’m willing to wrestle. To get dusty. This faith walk with God gets boring when we stop wrestling. When was the last time your heart wrestled with God? I fear that sometimes I await His neon signs of direction in my life without engaging a fierce interaction between His Spirit and mine. As if I’m saying, “Okay, God. Give it to me while I sit here and do nothing.” Nope. God doesn’t operate that way with me. Do you resonate with that? I’d love to hear about your wrestle with God, and how rest works into that.

I’m passing out gold stars for anyone who’s read this entire post. As I’ve written I’ve thought, “this one’s not gonna get read by many. It’s too long.” So if you’re reading this let me leave you with this blessing:

May you know, see, and love the God who invites you to wrestle Him. May you right now enter the ring with full faith that the wrestle is where your heart finds its rest. Amen.

It’s the start of my second week of sabbatical. Yesterday was Sunday and instead of attending a church service in-person, my wife and I opted for staying at home and watching a worship service/message online. The speaker was actually an acquaintance from Nyack College, where we graduated from nearly 30 years ago. He had a great presence and delivery– hang on. Let me stop here. I just had a thought I want to share. If this thought is unique to me, I’ll own that. I’ve never talked with other pastors/communicators about it. So yeah, besides my wife, you’re the first I’ve talked to about this.

I’ll preface this rabbit trail by saying I’m not an exemplary communicator. I love (and I mean REALLY LOVE) any opportunity I get to stand in front of a crowd and share God’s truth from my heart. I relish any chance I get and its one of my favorite parts of living a pastor’s life. I totally understand that I’m no authority or expert on public speaking. However, I find that as a communicator I often will listen to other communicators with a different angle; enjoying what’s being said (usually) but also thinking about how I would have approached the subject or just how I would have said that thing they’re saying. It’s not a grading, it’s not a critiquing or a judgement. Please don’t imagine me Simon Cowellling it from my seat. It’s just a mental thing that happens when I listen to anyone speak in front of a crowd. It might be more common than I think and maybe other communicators do the same. I’ve never asked. If you routinely speak in front of people and you experience this, let me know. I’d be interested to know if I’m a lone freak or not. But I digress.

Anyway, as this particular message got underway, I could tell right away that we were in for a pedal-to-the-metal kind of message. His passion was clear right from the start. The tempo of his words were coming at us hard and fast. His rhythm and cadence seemed to barely leave room for a breath between sentences. The content was interesting, helpful, and so strong. It really was a great message. I just couldn’t get over how elevated his voice seemed to be and stay throughout most of the message. I counted just two (there may have been more) times when he seemed to shift his tone or slow down at all. When he was done, I felt like I had just drank from the proverbial fire hose, but somehow in a way that was digestible, inspiring, and practical. So, if I had a scorecard there’d be high marks.

Now, let me make another confession to you. It very often happens that when I’m listening to a preacher or speaker (or even when I’m reading), thoughts get triggered that have little or nothing to do with what that person is saying. It starts by something they say that makes me think of something that’s a type of first cousin to what they’re saying. At that point, my mind is off and dwelling on that other thing. You know what I’m talking about?

A man just entered the coffee shop I’m in, sat down, and pulled a newspaper from under his arm. I don’t recall the last time I saw anyone reading a newspaper. I love the tactility of paper. For me, a task list I can mark off with a pen on paper is far better than its vastly more convenient, faster, digital counterpart–the task list on my phone. I wonder how much of my digital life I can sacrifice on this altar of sabbatical? I wonder what benefits await me if I do? I wonder if I should switch off this laptop and finish these thoughts in the journal that’s tucked away in my backpack?

And just like that, the first cousin thought brings a new angle and depth to the original thought. The idea of making sure we’re taking deep enough breaths so that we can control our heart rate, the cadence of our lives, and the thoughts we think. I’m a bit of a night owl so last night I sat up and watched a documentary on Netflix called “The Deepest Breath”, and it was about free diving, one of the most dangerous extreme sports that humans have concocted to participate in. It’s so fascinating.

As I listened to that message yesterday, God planted a thought in my mind. As I thought to myself about the tempo and cadence of the pastor’s words, I had to reflect on my own decisions and the way I have been conducting my ministry life. I began to imagine a sheet of paper with narrow margins, single-spaced, filled with run-on sentences, no photos, and very little “white space”. Marketers, advertisers, and graphic designers understand the importance of white space. It’s the space that often goes unnoticed until it’s not there. White space gives the eyes a chance to breathe. A design with little white space is usually not appealing to look at. It’s the placement of text, photos, and the nothingness of white space that makes up the most effective imagery in the advertising world. Simply put, what isn’t there is just as (perhaps more) important as what is.

My takeaway from the message I listened to yesterday wasn’t merely the high quality content of what the pastor was delivering, but also the first cousin message that margins matter. Breathing matters. Open spaces matter. We love to fancy ourselves as victims of our circumstances because that alleviates us from responsibility. But regardless of the tempo of your life, you have choices you can make about the white space. Make them.

I started sabbatical last week sharing some goals. In the interest of accountability, let me tell you that in the past 7 days, I lost two pounds, and put them right back on. So the total sum of my weight loss toward my goal of 12 pounds in 6 weeks is zero. Gotta do better there. I’ve scheduled two getaways with my wife (two was my goal), but I still need to book the hotel room and airbnb. I’m writing weekly (2 for 2 so far) so that I can record what I’m learning and can hopefully serve something to you that’s worth reading. I mentioned paddle boarding last time. I plan to finish this blog post, climb into my car, and head directly to a little quiet launch spot on the James River. Shout out to my friend Heather who has loaned me her paddle board, life jacket, and paddle. I also mentioned going to Tangier Island with a friend. That’s scheduled for tomorrow. I mentioned going to Busch Gardens with another friend. That’s happening Thursday. I hope you see I’m taking seriously what I’m planning to do and following through on it. Feel free to reach out with admonition and encouragement in terms of the goals I’m sharing here. My number is (804) 304-4669.

My wife and I went through a book called “Undistracted” by Bob Goff. In the back of his books he gives his cell phone number. Seriously. You can call up New York Times Bestselling Author Bob Goff. It’s crazy. When I heard that, I thought what an insane move. And I love it. By the way, I’d recommend that you read Bob Goff’s books. And yes, I have called Bob Goff.

I also told you I’m trying to read 3 non-school books in 6 weeks. I’m working through “Liturgy of the Ordinary” by Tish Harrison Warren. I have this habit of reading several books at a time so it takes me forever (on top of my snail’s pace of reading anyway) to get through a book. So I’m setting all others aside to finish this one. After that one, I’ll finish “When Everything Is On Fire” by Brian Zahnd. After that, I’m not sure which of the books from my stack I’ll read next. What would you suggest?

Margins. Cadence. Breathing. White space. This can’t just be a sabbatical thing. This must be a Jerry thing. This must be a you thing. This must be an us thing. A human thing. A health thing. A sanity thing. Dare I say: A holy thing.

I typically loathe telling people that I’m a pastor. I’m not ashamed, of course. I’m grateful for God’s calling on my life into ministry, particularly ministry to students and young adults. It’s just that when many people hear the title “pastor”, all manner of imagery comes to mind and some of it not very favorable. For that reason, when someone asks me what I do for a living, I usually respond with “Investor.”

As a pastor in the Church of the Nazarene, I am afforded a 6-Sunday sabbatical every seven years. What that basically means is that I am not expected to carry out any pastoral duties for a season of six consecutive Sundays (and the weeks that follow them). However, the sabbatical is not a vacation, per se. In the personnel policy of our particular local church, I am expected to use these six weeks to grow, to learn, to gain something, and to return with a report/presentation on how I used my time. In that regard, this might be viewed as the beginning of a 6-week assignment. I’m suddenly even more tired.

So I was musing about attempting to do a daily blog post for these six weeks. Then I thought better of it. I think I landed on a weekly check-in to record what I’m doing, what I’m learning, and any other details of my sabbatical. As a blogger, I have a real desire for consistency in my blog postings. Sadly, there’s simply too much life to live that I don’t have the time to write about living it, at least not as much as I’d like. A more seasoned blogger (I’ve only been at it for 16 years) undoubtedly has some secret hack that allows them to both live dynamically and write frequently. I just haven’t found that elusive sweet spot.

So what do I hope to do during my time away from my normal responsibilities? The big(ger) pieces on the calendar are a few trips to Ohio, Florida, and North Carolina to visit family. I hope to go on at least two overnights with my bride somewhere fun and relaxing (TBD). I’ve got a friend who’s got a season pass to Busch Gardens and therefore a free ticket for me. So one day we’ll hang out riding rollercoasters all day. I’ve got another friend who’s invited me to Tangier, an island only accessible by boat that only has about 4 cars on the small, unique land mass. We’ll eat lunch, enjoy ice cream, and chat about life. Beyond those things, I hope to stroll numerous vintage/antique shops, finish 3 books (don’t laugh–I read slowly), tackle some small projects at home, and see things I’ve haven’t seen yet.

I’d like to give more attention to physical upkeep. I’ve got a goal of losing 12 lbs. over these 6 weeks. That’ll take lots of walking, lots of water, and some (uugghh) more elevated exercises than I typically engage in. I’m not huge on exercise (shocking, I know) so I might just draw all the curtains, turn out all the lights, and put “Just Dance” on the old Xbox. I also recently went paddle boarding for the first time while in Florida and came back with a desire to go again. Thankfully, I’ve got a friend who’s willing to loan me her inflatable paddle board so I can hit the James and enjoy some sun and exercise. I’m not sure if that qualifies as strenuous exercise, but it’s something to enjoy while being out in nature.

Zooming out from the details of my life, though…what about you? You might not receive sabbatical time from your work/ministry, but that certainly doesn’t and shouldn’t stop you from taking seriously the need for rest in your daily/weekly rhythms. Where do you find respite, refuge, and rejuvenation on a regular basis? Where can you disconnect from normal stresses, from over scheduling, from the anxiety tax we seem to pay every day just for living and breathing?

In our stimuli-saturated existence, it might seem impossible to pause, to stop, to step away, to rest. But not doing so is like driving your car without stopping for gas because you’re determined to get to your destination. It just doesn’t work that way. You either rest or pay the hefty price for not resting. In an effort to help, I’m going to suggest a few thoughts to think:

1. Define what effective rest looks like for you. Where are you most alive? Go there. If you can’t go there, create some surrogate of that place that’s more accessible. Having grown up at the beach, the simple sensation of sand under my feet is recharging. I may not be able to get to the ocean regularly, but I can create some parallel experience through getting my feet onto sand in other ways. I can walk on the moss in my backyard. I can go to the river and stand barefoot on the boulders that line the river bank. By the way, do a search on the scientific advantages behind getting your bare feet in contact with the earth. Pretty fascinating.
2. Schedule rest. I know that sounds unromantic and not sexy at all. But here’s the thing–it’s biblical. God handed this rule to His people, and Jesus in His earthly ministry reiterated the need for rest. He modeled it and expected it from His disciples. Schedule rest and then guard that appointment like you would your most important appointment with your doctor, therapist, or closest friend. When that time comes, be ready. Go where you need to go, have your nickels saved up for that special drink, have your shoes laced up for that special hike, have your special book ready for that park bench or hammock.
3. Change your view on rest. Remember that song “Everybody’s working for the weekend“? Most people view rest as the reward for a job well done (or done). But what we should do is to view work as what we’re enabled to do because of our rest. You may have heard of the concept of “working out of overflow”. What if instead of dragging yourself through your work in order to collapse at the finish line and finally able to rest, you viewed rest as the starting line and you operated from a full tank, ready to tackle the course ahead? I’d dare say we’d prioritize rest more than we do if we viewed it as essential to the start rather than a reward at the end.

Stop here. Breathe deeply. Close your eyes for 60 seconds. Go to that place that your mind imagines as your place of rest. Take a mental vacation for one minute. Breathe.

You back? Good. Now, consider this as your permission to revisit that getaway anytime you want or need to. I don’t care when you do it. Just do it. Promise yourself and stick to that promise. I’ll do the same. See you next week.

If you’re unfamiliar with the Nazarene Youth Conference (NYC), it is an every-four-year gathering of young people from all over the USA and Canada for the express purpose of glorifying Jesus. We do this through partying, connecting, laughter, music, learning, serving, giving, eating together, digging deep into spiritual conversations, listening to renowned communicators of God’s Word, spend time putting love in action for the sake of others, enjoying incredible music concerts, and all together refocusing on attention on Jesus so that Jesus can recalibrate our hearts of His Kingdom’s mission. That’s NYC, in a nutshell.

This year’s NYC was hosted by Tampa Bay, FL. Ten-thousand or so of us met twice daily for several consecutive days in the Amalie Arena, where the Tampa Bay Lightning (Stanley Cup Champions) play. It was…in a word…phenomenal.

Now, let me get a bit more granular. I reflected on NYC while still in the midst of NYC just a few days ago so that I wouldn’t lose the fresh thoughts I had. I’ll include that post (smuggled over from Facebook) in this post as well. The reason I’m writing on my blog and not on Facebook again is two-fold: 1. I think Facebook might have a limit to how long a post can be and I’m fairly certain that whatever that limit is, a full-hearted reflection like this one would more than exceed it. And 2. I think my blog is something people can enjoy, benefit from, and even share. I’ve been accused of being “the world’s worst self-promoter”, so if you’re here, welcome. This is my blog. I love it and I love you for coming to it. Wander around, be encouraged, and share it with someone. There. That’s about my extent of comfortable self-promotion. You can’t see it, but I’m blushing and sweating. Okay, let’s move on to the NYC at hand.

I’ll break this reflection down into titled chunks so you can peruse whichever/all that you desire.

Coffee with Ray

Ray is one of the volunteer youth leaders who came on this trip. I’ve been serving students with Ray on my team for many years now and I can say unflinchingly that Ray is the real deal. I’ve seen few people love people like Ray loves people. He’s the genuine article. Authentic, caring, giving, clear, inclusive, and humble. That’s a pretty sweet combination. Ray is a tad older than I am but looks at me as a type of student ministry mentor. On this trip, we decided that we’d spend each morning at 7 am taking a walk to a local grocery store in downtown Tampa and sit in their lovely cafe and sip coffee, a liquid we both consider an elixir of life. As we sat, we’d chat and reflect on the previous day, on spiritual matters, on youth culture in general, on life’s issues, and on the day ahead. I hope you have a Ray in your life that you can connect with like that.

Soon after His resurrection, Jesus went to the beach. (As a beach-raised boy, I love that.) He invited His disciples to breakfast. He provided them with fire-grilled fish and bread and in the early morning and called them to rest and refreshment. Many times we equate rest with what we deserve only after hard work. But what if your every day started with rest and any work you did came from a place of refreshment provided to you by Jesus Himself? Needless to say, that morning coffee and chat with Ray was more than just a cup of Joe and time with a friend.

Redefining Worship

I eluded to this in my FB post a few days ago, but I was reminded at NYC that we still cling to a rather narrow definition of worship. We equate worship with a time, place, and activity. This is nonsense. When I asked students what they’d remember as a highlight of NYC, many/most responded with “the worship”. I know what they mean. I get it. They’re referring to the corporate gathering of 10,000 voices in an arena, the atmosphere created by God’s Spirit being magnified through music, dance, laughter, prayer, and singing/screaming out praises set to melody. That’s what many mean when we say “worship”. They mean “worship music”. And it’s not wrong, it’s just woefully incomplete. Worship is single-minded living. Worship is seeing the need in another and stepping toward it in the power of God’s own Spirit. Worship is listening to the very voice of God to the exclusion of every other voice. Worship is choosing conviction over convenience. Worship is giving at the level of pain. Worship is speaking boldly the truth that comes only from love given only by God, so that others may know His heart for them. Worship is stillness and waiting on God’s promises, especially when His schedule seems to differ from yours. NYC was a powerful reminder that while worship is certainly a musical activity that draws us together, it is more accurately the singular commonality that Jesus-followers share when it comes to life’s purpose. We were made to worship; to live lives of worship that point all of creation to the Savior of creation, Jesus.

Thank God for YouTube

The creator of YouTube didn’t mean for this to happen, but they have created a tool that is as close to a time machine as we have gotten. At any moment, I get to click a couple links and be tranported back to those gatherings, those songs, those laughs, those teachings, those moments of commitment and covenant, surrounded by 10,000 friends. Thanks, Mr. YouTube. I salute you. If you want to also climb aboard this time machine, you can use this link: https://www.youtube.com/@nazarene_youth_conference

The “What Comes Next” Moments

At the start of the week, our NYC Director for the state of VA named Mark asked me if I would do something for him and for our VA District students and leaders. He asked if I would, during each of the messages given at NYC, craft several questions that can trigger conversation as a follow-up to each session/message. I’m not sure Mark knew that in asking someone like me to do something like that, he was essentially letting the dog off the chain. I was thrilled to do it and I listening with the intent of not only gaining for myself, but for the purpose of helping others discuss deeper things in the wake of receiving God’s Word. I’m going to copy and paste all the questions I wrote for each session. You might want to use these after each time you click that time machine link above. Just a suggestion. (Click on each session title to be taken there if you’d like.)

Session 1:

1. Can you identify a place in your life where you’re seeking to find meaning or purpose? What are you learning?

2. Why do we seek life in desert places?

3. Lamorris said: “Peace only comes in a spiritual life.” Do you agree/disagree? Why out why not?

4. What does God say about you? Do you believe it?

5. How are your decisions keeping your heart in chaos instead of allowing God’s peace and purpose?

Session 2:

1. What type of pressure do you feel you’re under? What is the source of that pressure?

2. Is wanting control something you wrestle with?

3. If you asked God, “Am I enough?”, what do you believe He would say?

4. What do you need to release your grip on?…What are you carrying that God wants you to give to Him?

5. What does it mean to you to know Jesus? Do you? 

As you pray…” Lord, what am I gripping instead of Your hand?”… listen to Him… What is He saying to you?

Session 3:

1. Where do you see puddles of brokenness in your life?

2. What audience are you trying to please?

3. Can you see God working in the rain storms of your life?

4. Where in your life have you fallen, and God is calling you to get back up?

5. What puddles do you need to surrender today?

Session 4:

1. How do you define holiness?

2. Talk about the spiritual climate in your home. 

3. What religious rules have you lived under or seen?

4. How can you discover/nurture your awareness and acceptance of your identity in Christ?

5. How can you introduce or increase dwelling with Jesus in your life?

6. Rich said “The essence of holiness is love.” Where is the love God has for you shown in your life so others can experience it?

Session 5:

1. Respond to the statement “Receiving Jesus makes me an ambassador of Jesus.”

2. If you love and follow Jesus, do you regularly pray for your friends who don’t know Jesus? Why or why not?

3. How have you seen this statement to be true?: “If you draw near to someone, their loves become your loves.”

4. Are you compassionate and broken-hearted for others? Do you want that?

5. Do you or have you ever felt unlovable or disqualified to be loved by God?

Receive this: God loves you HERE and NOW and wants to overflow hope in your life. And remember: Overflow = Enough to share with others.

Session 6:

1. Be honest. What golden idols have you created in your life?

2. What do you consider to be the most important ingredients to a healthy relationship?

3. If someone looked at the things on your phone that you give the most attention to, what would they conclude is most important to you?

4. If God’s deepest desire is to be glorified through his relationship with you, how can you draw closer to him?

5. Have you allowed God’s Spirit to set you apart for His purpose and his glory? 

6. What is God calling you to?

Pray with your group about what you’ve shared. 

Session 7:

1. Do you know/believe that God has provided you with all you need to be and do all he desires?

2. What is in your life that is holding back your obedience to the overflow of God’s direction?

3. Who is someone in your life God wants you to overflow His love to?

4. Ask God and listen– What am I to do next? Then share what you hear Him say. Commit to His next step for you. 

Now, I’d like to zoom out on this section a little bit and suggest to you that a “what comes next” moment lives within nearly every moment you live and breathe. If God is alive, and if God is in motion, and if God is inviting us to engage with Him in what He is doing in the world, then there will ALWAYS be a next step for us to take. I believe that Jesus loathed the Pharisaic mindset so much because the Pharisees stopped living “what comes next” lives. They believed that because they had reached some strata of understanding rules and holding those rules as a standard of living, that they had somehow attained a level of perfection expression of spirituality. I never ever want to stop asking God about what comes next.

To Be Continued…

Akin to “what comes next?”, another thing I learned from NYC was that we the Church mustn’t be defined by time and space. After all, if Jesus sets us free from ourselves, from the power of sin, from the penalty of death, from the shame of our past, from the expectations of the world to conform to its ways, from striving for acceptance, and from spiritual hopelessness (to name a few), shouldn’t it also stand to reason that we are set from from time and space? What I mean (I think) is that there is no way in which we operate within the framework of the world around us when it comes to spiritual things. When Jesus healed someone–without exception–he also invited them to life on a different level. A life of holiness, set apart-ness, free-ness, hilariousness, and so many other nesses. So when we experience something like NYC, it is by no means captured or contained into a set of dates on a calendar. That is, unless it was just an event. Lord, may it be your will lived out in us that NYC was never just an event.

Amen.

(Please return soon. My brain process things at a certain speed and I’m likely to have more to say in the near future.) … (Oh, and share this blog if you’d like. Thanks.)

Here’s my first blurb about NYC, earlier this week on Facebook….

I want to try and capture some thoughts while they’re swirling around in my mind like one of those old whirlwind glass boxes with the fan that blows the cash around while you try and grab hold of whatever you can. Something like that. Or maybe not.

I’m here in Tampa Bay at #nyc2023 with around 10K young people. We’re here this week to do serval important things: 1) Celebrate Jesus while also deepening our understanding and enlivening our hearts to just who he is, 2) Building community based in a common faith and unified confession that Jesus is all He says He is because it’s that community that shapes us more than anything else, 3) To do exactly what Jesus calls us to do by way of serving those in need; those who represent millions worldwide that are hurdling toward a Godless eternity…the greatest way to reach them is to show the love of God in practical, tangible ways. Partnering with local Jesus-followers, we’ve leaving an indelible mark for the Kingdom of God.

(If you want to see more of the group stuff, head over to the Southside Students FB page. What I’m sharing here is more personal in nature.)

I’m grateful for the Word of God being spoken boldly and clearly. I love worship music, I love the hype, I love the activities, but it’s the power of God’s Word being proclaimed in the power of God’s Spirit that changes lives. Nothing else (as good as it is) can claim that.

I want to share just one thing from each of the 3 sessions we’ve had so far.

Session 1: God backs boldness. When we are obedient despite not having the answers, and when we make bold steps, God honors that with His blessing and power.

Session 2: Ask God: What am I gripping instead of your hand?

Session 3: The puddles/messes we create in our lives are just as useful to God as the areas we think we’re getting “right”. There is no mess God can’t redeem if you’ll let him.

Leading trips like NYC is always such a blessing to me as a pastor to students. They’re very often time compactors because we gain so much relational ground in such a short time by being together so much. There have already been some really great conversations with students and I’m looking forward to more.

I’m blessed to have lived as a pastor in this capacity with young people for this long. I know that.

I also learned that we don’t nearly equate worship with sacrifice and suffering nearly enough. What we consider worship in our time today has little resemblance to the early church. We often are prodded to worship, or worship as a response to some good thing. But the biblical concept of a “sacrifice of praise” eludes us. God, help me get to worship that costs me.

I had a wonderful conversation (yet unconcluded) with one of our students as we discussed worship and how we engage with God Almighty. This isn’t some treatise or clearly formed thesis statement about worship, but anytime I see young people worshiping Jesus with all they are right where they are, my heart rests and every concern I have for the Church as she is melts away.

The dynamic of a unified crowd can’t be overstated. If you know me you know I’m not a huge crowd guy. I love loud crowds, but I love also a quiet corner with one or two people having an in depth chat.

That being said, being in the middle of 10,000 others who are celebrating Jesus which in turn triggers thoughts of vitality and reality and conviction and commitment…well… that’ll do more for anyone’s view of Jesus than just about anything else can.

So yeah, I believe in Bible Dive each Sunday morning where a healthy handful of us gather at 9 to go verse by verse in a very unhype way, AND I also believe in the spectacle of arenas filled with young people who are being drawn closer to Jesus and all he is and calls us to. Each has its place.

I’ll need to wrap it up here not because I want to but because a) I doubt Facebook will allow a post this long and b) I need to meet our group for dinner soon.

Love you all. Thanks for reading and walking with me.

Runners are funny. Dedicated, determined, and slightly insane (I mean that in a mostly complimentary way). I’m sitting in a small bakery café on a rainy Wednesday morning and several feet from me right now are at least half a dozen runners chatting together about life, the day’s activities, the weather, and of course…running. While they chat, they stretch those hammies, lift those knees slowly chestward, and are apparently trying to limber up in the warmth of the café after the cold of this rainy, early morning. Funny people, runners.

On my way to this café, I passed several of their type. Its still dark outside even now, so safety-conscious beings that they are, the runners I passed all had something in common; they each had neon colored, battery-powered lighted vests. They were unmistakable as the glow of these vests bounced along down the sidewalk, breaking up the dark, one after another like psychedelic ducklings following their mama duck. No question about it: You weren’t going to miss them, and that was the point.

Never one to miss a chance to connect a silly observation with spiritual thoughts, something occurred to me as I cruised past them in my manivan, dry and warm and not running. Here’s the thought in question form: Does anyone see me coming? Am I unmistakable in the darkness of the world around me?

There are several verses throughout the Old and New Testaments that indicate our position of being clothes in the righteousness of God. One such verse is Romans 13:14:

“But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.”

When those nut-brained runners got up and slid all that Lycra over their limbs and laced up those Sauconys and Brooks (from what I can tell the preferred running shoes by at least the small crowd in this café), and pushed whatever you push on your Apple watch to start recording whatever a runner records, the last thing they did was to grab that trusty glowy vest and switch it on. For them, it’s about safety.

But for me and maybe you and definitely all those who love and follow Jesus, “putting him on” is about serving, about seeing the opportunities He constantly gives, and about being identified as one of those kooks that dares believe in the love of God that shakes us free from sin and shapes us into the One in whom we are clothed. We believe that Jesus is true, and real, and alive, and worthy of our shining in the darkness. It is He who lights our lives and makes us weird in a world of darkness.

So today, as you bounce down the sidewalk of whatever you day holds, remember that you’re clothed in the the Light of the World. You’ve got your own glowy vest that illuminates your life with love, with care, with dignity shown for all, with hands that serve the least of these, with sacrificial attitudes that drive you to give so that others can know that same Jesus.