I was overwhelmed as I walked through row after narrow row of shack after tin shack.  Most of them no bigger than a jail cell. And for all I knew, that’s exactly what the inhabitants of the shacks felt like–prisoners in their own homes, in this abjectly empoverished part of the Dominican Republic.  I was walking through the community of tin and sticks after having spent the week with them.  Now, the only question in my mind as I walked with the local pastor there was a simple question and yet one that put my heart into such a vise of anguish; anguish I have not felt since.

The question:  Which one?

It was my responsibility as the leader of our group to choose one family from a sea of people.  That one family would receive a new home, just across the river bed.  A home that our group had sponsored and had built.  A home with block walls, a solid roof, and even a concrete floor.  A home in a community called “Villa de Ascencion”, just a short distance away and yet lightyears away from where they were now.

My heart pounded as the pastor gave me a description of each family we walked past, how many children, their ages, what the parents did for money to feed them, and other details.  I walked through several shacks as children moved from one shack to another, and adult would pull children who weren’t theirs close to them so as to appear to be a larger family, and perhaps garnish the favor of the foreigner who’s task it was to choose one family to receive a new home.  I don’t think my heart could have taken any more weight than what I felt on that day.

After meandering through the entire village, I returned to the home of Marcelles.  Marcelles was a single father with 4 children.  His wife had left him soon after the twins were born.  He was doing the best he could do raising those 4 children, while trying to scrape out a living doing clothes repair.  His antique looking sewing machine set neatly on a wobbly wooden table in a corner of his home; a home of mostly thick straight branches framing the house and sheets of tin attached to them.  A thin fabric curtain was his front door.  The pastor pulled the curtain back and I ducked my head as we went inside.  The darkness of the interior in midday give me a glimpse of the sense of darkness that contrasted what Marcelles and his kids were about to receive.

I greeted Marcelles with a handshake while his kids were standing in the doorway of their shack, looking on.  Through the pastor’s interpretation, I told Marcelles that our group was choosing him and his children to receive the new home we had built for them.  Before the news could get all the way past the interpreter’s lips, Marcelles lunged at me, buried his head in my chest and sobbed.  His arms wrapped around my ribs, his hands clasped tightly on my back.  I’ll never forget the feeling of handing someone a new home, a new hope, and a new life.  After letting go of me, Marcelles gathered his children all around himself and somehow seemed to be hugging all 4 at once.

The celebration was interrupted by our urgent request:  Please put on your best clothes and meet us at your new house 40 minutes from now.  We’ll welcome you to your home, give you a few gifts, and dedicate your house to the Lord.  The entire family immediately burst into activity, speaking feverishly with each other instructions on who would do what.  After all, not only were they moving, but all they possessed must come with them.  No doubt what would happen as soon as they left their shack is that another family would move right in and anything left there would become the property of whoever took their place.

We left them their joyous work and walked across the riverbed to Villa de Ascencion, a community being built by God through CrossRoads Ministry, our partners on that trip.  The difference between the two villages was more than what can be described. 

So 40 minutes later, sure enough Marcelles and his 4 children were dressed in their best clothes, smiles beaming as we stood at the front door of their new home.  With tears in his eyes, Marcelles listened as we prayed a prayer of dedication over the house and blessing over his family.  I simply will never forget the powerful privilege of giving to this family a new beginning, nor will I ever forget the heartfelt, sincere, and incredible gratitude with which they accepted our gift.

I think of that day often and whenever I do I cannot help but place that story alongside of God’s grace, love, and compassion which He lavishes upon us.  There we were in our spiritual darkness, our soul empoverished, without hope for an escape.  And then He came along, pulled back the curtain, stepped inside and said “I have a new life for you, if you’ll take it.”  And when I think of that gift of God’s grace shown through Jesus death on the cross and his resurrection from the grave that makes my new home a living reality, I can’t help but respond as Marcelles did, to throw my head into his chest, my arms wrapped around his scarred ribcage, and my hands clasping his once-scourged back.  In gratitude I’ve accepted a new home, a new hope, and a new life.

I hope to return to the Dominican Republic in the summer of 2012, but I doubt I will ever know again the overwhelming power of what happened just “40 minutes from now.”

Jesus came to earth because of hell.  Maybe you never thought of it that way.

We’d rather say that He came for you and for me and for us and for all.  Maybe its more comfy to say He came for the redemption of man and the reconciliation of the creation to its Creator.  Or that He came to “seek and save that which was lost.”  After all, that’s in the Bible (Lk 19:10).  So, we should say that.  And we do.

But let’s not forget what we’re being saved FROM.  This is the underside of Christmas.  This is what we leave unsaid while we trim the tree and bake the cookies.  This is the message that doesn’t make it into our line-up of Christmas carols, Christmas movies, and Christmas messages.  But make no mistake about it–this truth is THE truth of why Jesus came to earth.

When He left heaven, His destination was hell.  His advent on earth was the conduit, the method, the way in which He chose to travel from the throne of God to the throne of Satan.  And let’s not be unclear.  His sole purpose was to take the keys of death and hell from the hands of Satan.  The manger, the star, the magi, the disciples, the miracles, the cross, and the tomb were all part of the unfolding story of exactly how Jesus was going to take those keys.

Consider the words of God the Father to the serpent in the Garden of Eden in Genesis 3:15:

“And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.”

Three measly chapters into the Scriptures and the Messiah is revealed!  Not merely the Messiah, but the Messiah’s mission; to “crush the head” of the serpent, that is Satan our adversary!  Jesus Christ left heaven at the appointed time, made a 33 (or so) year stop through earth and achieved the objective of His mission when, through His death and resurrection, He stripped Satan of the last shred of power he had.  Satan continues to reek havoc in many lives, but be sure that he is nothing more than a fish flopping on a pier, gasping for air.

Read the words of Jesus the risen Messiah in Revelation 1:18:

“I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.”

What does Jesus display as proof of His accomplished mission?  He holds out “the keys of death and Hades”!  Yes, Jesus came for you, for me, for us, and for all.  Yes we’re right to celebrate the Advent season.  Yes, its good for us to decorate, sing, give gifts, eat cookies, and be with family.  But this Christmas season, even if  only in your own heart, would you be willing to celebrate Jesus our Messiah by declaring that it was for the defeat of death, hell, and the grave that Jesus came to the manger?

I was sitting at a red light this morning, my mind more focused on the “Chicken Mini’s” that would soon be doing the backstroke in my belly than on anything else.  To my left was a left turn lane and in that lane was a police cruiser; a Dodge Charger kind no-less.  Slick and sweet looking.  I had to stare.

So there I was in my manivan, next to Officer Hotshot in his Dodge Charger; both of us staring at red lights–his to go left, mine to go straight.  When out of nowhere, he turns on his police lights and pulls out of his left-turn lane and in front of me, driving across the intersection.  And yep, the light’s still red.

As soon as he cleared the intersection, he turned his police lights off and went on his merry way.  I thought to myself, “Hmph. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that Officer Hotshot used his lights to drive through a red light.  No emergency. No “hot pursuit”. No real need to do so.  Just didn’t feel like waiting I guess.  Oh well, when you’re a cop I suppose you’re allowed to do things like that.”  As soon as I thought those thoughts, my mind went back to my Chicken Mini’s.

Now, I don’t know what the legality is of what my friend in the Charger did.  I don’t know if its an “unspoken” kind of thing that cops just do, even though I can’t imagine its a sanctioned activity.  Basically, he was using the vehicle he was in to live “above the law”.  Let’s pretend that instead of him turning his police lights on and driving through the intersection, it was me turning my hazard lights on and driving through the intersection.  Would he have sat there and thought, “Well, I guess that just what guys in minivans are allowed to do”?    Doubtful.

The religious leaders in Jesus’ day thought HE lived above the law, too.  They viewed him as a young punk who hadn’t “paid his dues” yet, but seemed instead to use His position as so-called “Messiah” as some license to do crazy things that broke their law.  Things like healing on the Sabbath, dining with sinners, and talking to loose women.

But Jesus had a response to their accusations that He came to destroy the law or to make a mockery of it.  Take a look at what Jesus said in Matthew 5:17:

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.”

You see, to those in religious power, Jesus was a scofflaw, a rebel on the loose, someone bent on destroying all they held dear and all they held over people’s heads.  But in reality, Jesus didn’t come to overturn the tables.  He Himself was the last piece of the puzzle.  And with His life, death and resurrection in place, the perfect picture of God’s atonement of mankind was complete!  The old covenant was fulfilled, not destroyed.  God’s promise spoken in Genesis 4 was being kept, not replaced!  Jesus wasn’t living above the Law, Jesus was concluding the Law!  And with that conclusion, Law is now grace, sacrifices are done, redemption is complete, judgment has fallen, condemnation is no more, and God’s wrath is satisfied.

Its been said that “Freedom isn’t having the ability to do what you want, but the power to do what you should.”  True freedom, the kind that comes from Christ alone because of all He has done on our behalf is ours for the taking!  “Whosoever will” may live above the law in the grace and mercy of the risen Jesus.

I’m pretty amazed at what God does.  Especially when He does it in me….and through me.

For those who knew me as a young child, I might be remembered as the kid with the unusually large knees (I grew into them).  For those who knew me when I was a young elementary aged kid, I might be remembered as the kid who wet himself on second base during a t-ball game.  For those who knew me in middle school, I’d likely be remembered as “Farmer Varner”; the kid with the doofy “Shaggy-style” walk and the way-too-big duffle bag (I often forgot notebooks, textbooks, etc. at school,  so my parents bought me a school bag that fits everything–trumpet case included–into one bag).  For those who knew me in high school, I might be remembered as “What’s-his-name” until my junior year when I found utter joy onstage and actually graduated with a varsity letter in theater.  (Take that, quarterback Mike Zurowski!)  For those who knew me in college, I’d undoubtedly be remembered as the guy somehow dating the hottest girl on campus and actually getting away with it.

But as a 37-year-old student ministry pastor, I’ve got to admit that I’m often shushing a quiet voice whispering from the back of my mind.  A young voice that brings me back to a place of insecurity.  A place where I don’t really fit in anywhere, with anyone; a place where I’m a “little guy” tagging along, trying to keep up.

And I realize how unmanly that last paragraph makes me sound.  But if this blog is nothing else, its honest.

I wonder how many other humans, or men, or husbands, or dads, or pastors have a similar voice.  After all, when we’re not totally sure of who we are, the temptation is to be defined by what we do.  I especially struggle with this when interacting with other men who aren’t in fulltime ministry.  Men who are corporate and upward, men who are in a hands-on and rugged kind of work.  Men who are successful and lucrative.  Men who know the stats of their favorite players and are able to banter with other guys about who’s team is better.

I guess I’ve never felt quite like I fit in.  There, I said it.

I know who I am from where I am now, but there’s another me that seems to be wandering around inside who is still trying to catch up with me.  And I also know that therapists worldwide would have a hey-day with that last statement.  There’ s a couch and a prescription somewhere with my name on it, to be sure.

The implications of this to my life now are (in no particular order):

a.  I’m not great at parties.  When surrounded by more confident people, I typically clam up; at least at first.  Why?  I’m not sure.

b.  I’m tentative and cautious about emerging opportunities.  A good friend of mine (and extremely talented chap) named Kent Julian contacted me years ago to be on a team of authors he was building to write a book together.  I turned him down.  He contacted me a year or so later with a similar request/invitation for the next book.  Again, I turned him down; again for primarily financial reasons (there was an initial outset of money needed).  Did I miss a golden opportunity?  Maybe.  But I can’t tell you how many times soon after both of his invitations that I asked myself, “Should I have not missed that one?”

c.  The biggest changes I tend to make are to move the family couch from this side of the room to that one.  And while I do rearrange furniture more often than most people, I also (more or less) like to keep things tidy and familiar.  I like to have a plan, know the plan, and work the plan.  When that translates into ministry, I may (not sure if its true) tend to move slower than people would like.  I’m not dumb, I’m just moving at the pace that I process things.  I’m actually at peace with this one.  I’m totally okay with not being able to move at lightning fast speed like others seem to do.

d.  I’m still tempted to seek to please people.  I’ve gotten a lot better at this one as I’ve grown though.  I recently turned down a premarital counseling and wedding request.  Its not (just) that I didn’t want to do it, it was more that I didn’t really feel like my schedule would allow it.  If the same request had come in to a younger Jerry Varner just starting out in ministry, I would have bent over backwards to do whatever necessary to please this couple, or anyone else asking for my time and attention.  I simply put pleasing people really high on my priority list.  And every so often, I find myself wrestling with that old monkey.  One of the most freeing things I’ve learned is that if I dropped dead today, nobody in my life would.

Okay, so all that (and more) are on the psyche/intellect/emotional side of things.  I’d be remiss to not turn my attention to the spiritual facts of who I am:

God’s child (John 1:12), a disciple of Jesus (John 15:15), justified (Romans 5:1), united with the Lord and one in spirit with Him (1 Cor. 6:17), bought with a price (1 Cor. 6:19-20), a part of Christ’s body (1 Cor. 12:27), chosen by God (Ephesians 1:3-8), complete (Colossians 2:9-10), given direct access to the throne of God (Hebrews 4:14-16), free from condemnation (Romans 8:1-2), assured that God is working in my life (Romans 8:28), a citizen of heaven (Philippians 3:20), not fearful but powerful (2 Timothy 1:7), born of God and the evil one can’t even touch me (1 John 5:18)….to name just a few.

So, yeah.  Like I said, I’m pretty amazed at what God does.  Especially when He does it through me.

I don’t remember where I was, but I was attending a conference of some type.  Let’s say it was Milwaukee.  My wife was with me and we had the afternoon free, so we decided to stroll around a bit and we saw a huge charter bus (as if there are small ones) with a bus-length “Discover Card” graphic on the side.  There was a welcome mat kind of thing at the door, and someone standing there obviously waiting for someone like me to stroll by.  And since I can’t possibly turn down a guided tour through anything, let alone a huge luxury cruise bus, I walked right up and walked right in.

As soon as I entered the mammoth vehicle I was immediately whisked away to a land where the fridge is stocked with glass bottle Coca-Cola, where chocolates are found by the basketfuls, and where Discover card hats are free for the taking.

I made my way along the center aisle/corridor of this behemoth bus and looked through to the back of the bus and saw a dude sitting at a table.  I didn’t know the dude, but I thought, “I guess that dude is somebody.”  What gave it away was his debonair looks repeated on the stack of 8×10 inch glossies he had of himself.  Next to the glossies was a bunch of Sharpie markers; presumably so the dude could write his autograph on the glossy and give it to people like me.  This guy was set.  He had a sweet luxury bus to hang out on, he had all the Coca-Cola he could dream of, he had a stack of hats, glossies, and markers, and he even had a flat-screen tv to watch sports on (which is what he was doing when I entered the room).

Before I could even take it all in, he looked over to me as I entered, grabbed a glossy,and scribbled his autograph while asking generically, “What’s your name?” and “How you doin’ today?”  He handed me my glossy, I took a few more Cokes and hats, and I made my way back to the front of the bus.

As I stepped off the bus, I looked down at the photo in my hand.  It was a picture of a professional hockey player that looked a lot like the dude; kind of one of those “in action” photos that was probably staged, but you’re not quite sure because he’s the only one in the picture, skating aggressively on some ice.  In the lower corner of the photo, I read “To my friend, Jerry”

We can view God like that sometimes.  We come into His presence, aware of the fact that He’s got some power (like my “friend” on his bus), aware that we should probably recognize who we’re talking to, but often feeling rather distant–or even foreign–to the idea of a true “friendship” with Him, despite the fact that if we really knew who we were dealing with, we would gush with excitement, unable to contain ourselves.

And perhaps when we find that our worship of God is weak, we can often trace it to the reality that we don’t really recognize who this God is.  We don’t have any kind of discernible friendship with Him.  Imagine if that hockey player really was my friend.  Imagine if I had known exactly who he was, that we had a history, and that we had plans to hang out later that day; after the whole Discover card promo bus gig was over.  I certainly wouldn’t have approached the bus as pensively as I had.  I would have bounded on, shouting my friend’s name, confident that he was in there and that me stopping by would make his day.

Have you ever thought, “I’m going to be spending some one-on-one time with God later on.  We’ve got plans.”  When I think about a date with my wife happening sometime this week, I have a hard time concentrating on the work I have to do in front of me.  I just about want to jump up on my desk, grab the hands of the clock on the wall, and spin them around and around in an effort to bring the time of our date closer.  Do I do that with God?  Do we think about grabbing a cup of coffee with our Creator this afternoon?  Do we see Him as close friend or unfamiliar celebrity?

As you read this today, I’d pray that in your near future, you’d have an opening in your schedule that would allow you to meet up with God somewhere and spend some time with Him.  Let that meeting encourage you, refuel you, and set your soul ablaze with a passion for an intimate friendship with Him.

Let’s be honest.  For those of us who have been around “church” and “worship services” for any amount of time, we can sometimes approach worship like a vending machine.  We seem to “enjoy” a worship service most when it has certain qualities such as a) that song/those songs I like, b) that style of music I prefer, c) a person up front that I connect to, d) a comfortable temperature in the sanctuary, e) a sermon that I find useful or funny or comforting or entertaining or (sometimes) thought-provoking or able to keep my attention, f) a seat/row/section that everyone understands is “mine”, g) not too much talk about money, h) not too convicting, i) a good volume level, j) no babies crying (“Don’t they know we have a nursery?), k) people around my seat who are friendly/likable/good singers/don’t smell bad, l) a preacher who has just enough fire, but without too much brimstone, m) clearly marked exits, n) not too many “crazies”, o) nothing that’s going to make feel uncomfortable in any way.  (I’ll save p-z for another time).

Is this the way worship services today are meant to be?  Here in America we seem to walk a tightrope balance of having nice amenities to bring people in (gifts for visiting, java-drenched atmosphere to make you comfortable, special parking spots, etc.) balanced with enough _________ and not too much __________ to ensure that they’ll return next week.

The worship service is one of the central components that create a local church’s identity.  When you invite someone to your church, one of their first questions is undoubtedly going to be “What’s the worship service like?”  And if you don’t have some good adjectives to use like “casual” or “welcoming” or “amazing music” or “friendly” or “comfortable” then you might not see them darken the door.  But has the modern worship service evolved into something it was never intended to be?  Does God have anything to say about how HE’D like to see worship services happen?

I once heard a question asked when I was in college that I don’t think I could forget if I wanted to.  A chapel speaker once asked “If the Holy Spirit left your ministry, how long would it take for you to notice?”  In other words, are we so busy planning, preparing, doing, and going that we leave  God’s Spirit entirely out of the whole equation?  As a pastor, believe me there have been times when I’ve gotten so busy doing things FOR God, that I stopped doing things WITH God.  Oh, I was doing pastoral ministry kinds of things, but God was nowhere in sight.  How messed up is that?

And I suppose a similar type of question could be asked about our worship services: “If God decided He wasn’t coming to the worship service you attend this week, would anybody notice?”  Are we so entrenched in our routine machine that we completely leave out the One who is supposed to be at the center of it all?

I have countless blogs that I’ve begun and haven’t finished.  I have learned about myself that if I don’t publish a blog post in one sitting, I’m likely not going to come back to it and complete it.  So, here’s a great stopping spot.  I’ll come back and do a “Part 2” kind of thing, but in the meantime, I’d like to invite your thoughts on what you’ve read so far.