I’m writing today in the direction of any senior pastor who’ll listen.  If you happen to not be a senior pastor, then by all means please read and pass this on.  Who am I?  I’m someone who’s been in youth ministry in some capacity for 20 years and who has worked with and seen/interacted with a wide variety of senior pastors.  I’m a huge fan of senior pastors.  I’ve seen your job and I don’t want it.  I’m an ally.

Before I dive in, I want to confess that I know there is always a behind-the-scene situation few people see.  And you may not hear a lot of sympathy for those details, but rest assured I know there’s usually lots there that most people don’t see and won’t know about.

I recently heard about a church just a few miles away from the church I serve at that has had six different youth pastors in the past six years.  SIX.  My stomach sank to hear those numbers.  A year in youth ministry is barely enough time to get unpacked and settled in, let alone make any kind of real and definitive impact.  My immediate thought when I heard about this church’s youth pastor turnover rate was this (and I confess this may be unfair): “I wonder what that senior pastor’s problem is.”  I know. I know.  You may just think I’m just another youth pastor who doesn’t care about the details and is just reacting by jumping to the defense of his fellow youth pastor.

Maybe I am.  Or maybe there’s more to the well-known stats that say the average stay of a youth pastor at a church is 18 months.  Maybe instead of considering the student ministry pastorate as synonymous with gypsies and nomads, we should step back for a bigger picture.  Maybe instead of simply reckoning student ministry pastors as ill-equipped, irresponsible, overgrown teens themselves we should take a look at the way student ministry pastors are viewed, hired, and even dismissed.  And why.

My good friend and mentor Dr. Len Kageler wrote a book a while back which has since gone into revision and reprint for the simple fact that its just that good.  It’s called “The Youth Ministry Survival Guide” and I recommend it to any potential or current youth ministry leader AND to any senior pastor who wants to be a better leader to his staff.  Grab a copy here.

Okay, senior pastors.  Listen up.

You will gain immeasurably more in the long haul of your church’s ministry by sticking with your youth pastor.  Unless there has been some gross negligence, chronic irresponsibility, or moral failure, let me implore you to stick with this person you’ve hired.  I completely understand that it might seem easier to toss them to the curb and find their replacement (some people consider youth pastors a-dime-a-dozen), but if that is your habit you are ultimately damaging the overall impact of your church as a whole.  While its true that I haven’t been to a new ministry post every few years, the churches I have served in (including internships) have been in such varied contexts that I’ve gotten a taste for different ministry styles found along the gammut.  Reformed church with 98% senior citizens where you can literally smell mothballs & death in the air? Been there.  Neighborhood church with an older pastor focused on young parents and community impact? Been there. A young church plant with a young, insecure pastor at the helm who was flying solo before hiring me? Been there.  A medium-sized church with a steady rotation of staffers filing in and out? Been there. A large church with a large dynamic staff and a senior pastor who’s heart is for people and for me? There now. Going on nine years. NINE.

Here’s what happens when you go the easier route of the firing/rehiring cycle:

You forfeit the impact of a long-term student ministry leader. You should know this better than anyone else.  If you’ve been at your church for 5+ years, you should be able to see how its just now that you’re starting to get traction.  Student ministry in that regard is not much different.

You create a culture of instability.  This is especially true if you have more than just you and the youth pastor on staff.  Others on staff (admins, children’s ministry, worship ministry, etc.) don’t ever get the chance to feel settled with that position and consequently may feel unsettled in general.

You gain a reputation as undesirable to other potential youth pastors.  Surprise! Youth pastors talk to each other.  We ask around.  We call the last person that held the position and find out why they’re not there anymore.

Your congregation may start to wonder what your problem is.  Remember those childhood report cards sent home with the “doesn’t play well with others” comment?  If you go through youth pastors like you go through spare ribs, you not going to be able to escape your congregation eventually wondering what your deal is that won’t let you keep someone on staff long enough to make a difference in their kids’ lives.

So senior pastor, before you reach for that pad of pink slips and peel the next one off the top, ask yourself a few questions:

1.  What can I do to strengthen my relationship with my youth ministry leader?  Am I spending enough time connecting with them? Do I see, understand, and embrace their vision for our student ministry?

2. How can I become their #1 support?

3. How much stronger could our youth ministry be if we had the same person in place investing in and loving students for the duration of their middle school and high school years?  What would longevity in that position produce for our overall church body?

4. Am I feeling threatened by their giftedness to lead? What insecurities are alive within me that I need to do away with?

5. How can I lead the culture of our church in order to create a place of stability among our staff? Are there power-players on my board that are undermining the potential for longevity in our youth ministry?

I’m sure there are other questions to ask and I’d love to hear some of our feedback and input, but let me close by sharing a text message I received this past weekend that really reminded me of the power of longevity in student ministry.  This text is from a former student of mine who I’ve seen through middle school and high school and who was about to walk across the graduation platform at Christopher Newport University.  Keep in mind that this text would never have been possible without a senior pastor who understands the power of allowing their youth pastor to leave a legacy in students’ lives.

That, my friends, is the sheer power of longevity in student ministry.

Let that be a driving desire for student ministries everywhere.

I was sitting in a well-known chain restaurant the other day (won’t say the name, but I was seated not far from the fireplace where people play checkers while sitting in rocking chairs) waiting for one of my stellar youth leaders to show up for a one-on-one breakfast meeting we had planned.  While I sat there, I eavesdropped on the conversation at the next table over.  It was between a waitress and a woman seated at that table who was in the process of ordering her breakfast.  It didn’t take long to notice a pattern in her order…

“I’d like 2 eggs fried, but instead of the whole eggs, I just want egg whites.”

“For my sides, instead of the apples and grits can I have double grits?”

“And I definitely want the biscuits, but instead of all biscuits can I have like half of the basket be wheat toast with butter?”

You see it too don’t you?  Its the art of the substitute.  Its the “I want this instead of that.”  Its the “your idea is good, but my idea is better.” Burger King made a national campaign out of it with “Have It Your Way.”  Its substituting and it can creep in to our walk with Christ if we’re not careful.

Jesus said, “If anyone wants to be my disciple, he must take up his cross and follow me.”  But we’d like to substitute “anyone” and put in “people like me”.  We’d like to substitute “must” with “could possibly”.  We’d rather have “think about” than “take up” and we’d rather substitute “cross” with “latte”.

We can trace substituting back to the garden of Eden.  God said “Here’s the menu. Eat any fruit you want. Just not that one.”  And we humans said, “Okay, but instead of all the fruit, can we have just that one?”  And here we are today, still swapping out what God said for what we’d rather have.

God: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength….and love your neighbor as yourself.”

Us: “Hmmm…..let’s see.  Instead of that can I just attend a church service once in a while and do what I want?  Besides, that one neighbor is…well…you know.”

God: “Love one another, encourage one another, forgive one another, bear with one another…”

Us: “Well, that sounds nice, but you know who really needs to hear this?  And besides, I’M right. They’re wrong.”

God: “Go and make disciples.”

Us:  “Change ‘disciples’ to ‘cake” and you’ve got a deal.”

What other substitutions do you commonly see among those who follow Jesus?

The longer I’m in youth ministry the more I wonder how long I can last in youth ministry.  Ever since my college days as a youth pastor in-training, I’ve always had the desire to be a lifelong youth leader.  Stop laughing, I’m not kidding.  But the clock on the wall, the calendar on the fridge, and the face in the mirror all seem to testify to the fact that I’m getting older.  This might be where you’d expect me to begin to concede a quiet retreat into the “good night” of the senior pastorate.  Sorry to disappoint you, but when it comes to student ministry, I’m here to stay.

But aging has a way of bringing out the practical side of us, doesn’t it?  This year I’ll hit 40 years of age and I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that I sometimes think things like: How marketable is a 40-something youth pastor? How true are the stories I’ve heard that at 40 (physically speaking), the “wheels start to fall off” and you’re introduced to unexplicible aches, and longer recovery times, not to mention the widening age gap between myself and those I love so much and want so badly to influence for the Kingdom.  My hairline and my waistline are beginning to betray me, I’m afraid.

Add to this the ever-evolving culture we are daily swimming in.  While so much of the teen experience is universal, more than ever it is also an incredibly uniquely challenging time to be an adolescent.  Rules, structure, discipline, and boundaries are fading away and being replaced by shifting lines of amorality, circumstance-dependant decision-making, and a no-one-is-wrong state of the union.  Toss in the hyper-connected, tech-saavy, socially-integrated mindset of the typical teenager and you’ve got the picture perfect opportunity for someone like me to face the temptation for feeling a bit…well…used up.

You may mistakenly chalk this next bit up to good ‘ol fashioned denial (or ego), but I still feel my best years are ahead of me.  Perhaps not my youngest years, but my best years.  I honest to goodness still feel like a 20-something who thankfully enjoys the bearings of a much older veteran of youth ministry.  I’m constantly excited about new ways to engage teens, to morph (appropriately) with the social tides, and to go stride for stride with anyone of any age willing to come along.

But how?  How can someone of–ahem–my age stay effective in a world where those I’m seeking to connect with are typically one-third my age?  Here are some things I’d like to encourage all of us with.

First, stick to the guns of your calling.  Write it down, nail it down, and stand on it.  Few things anchor me like knowing that I know that God has me in student ministry for a reason.  Maybe two.

Next, don’t ever stop being a student.  Be a student of teen culture.  Not in a lab-coat, clipboard kind of way but in a way that stays interested in what teens today think about anything under the Sun.  The greatest tool you have in this regard are the two things on either side of your head. You want to connect to another human being? Listen to them.

Next, embrace technology even though by the time you reach the end of this sentence what’s “in” will proably be “out” and replaced by a new “in”.   Case in point: emailing today’s teen is about as with-it as sending smoke signals.  Call them on the phone and you’re likely to be taken aback by their weirded out response that you use the phone to actually call people.  Current tech trends include Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, FaceTime, and even good ol’ fashion texting is still hanging in there.

Lastly (for this post at least), give up trying to fit in.  God didn’t call you to fit in with teenagers. Besides, few things are lamer (and sometimes creepier) than an adult trying to act/dress/fit in as a teen.  Not to mention it doesn’t really help them.  Instead, rely on your genuine love and interest in them, their joys, their hurts, and their life to be the thing that points them to Jesus through you.  You don’t have all the answers.  No one does.  But you likely have more answers than they do.  That’s not a point of boasting, its a point of reality.  God is writing your story for them to read.  Showing you care about them where they are, who they are, and what they are means you’re willing to be MORE than a friend; you’re willing to be an adult in their life that isn’t going anywhere.

Before you read this post, I want to say that I’m one of those people who loves the hymns I grew up on; I sing them often throughout the day. I find them encouraging, rich, beautiful, and important to my faith walk.  I also love most of today’s worship music. It’s passionate, powerful, and helps me express praise and worship to God.  This post isn’t about one “style” over the other.  Sadly, such debates have ripped Christians & local churches apart.  I can think of few things dumber.  Thanks.

I grew up with a hymnal in my hand.  The son of a preacher man, I learned from a young age that when what we believe is set to music, it often finds deeper, more fertile soil in our hearts.  The great hymns of the faith are great because they are literally our theology set to music.  Even since Biblical times, music has always been an integral part of worship.  The largest book in the Bible (Psalms) is actually a songbook.

In the past 20 years or so there has been a widespread shift in many local churches from hymnals to “praise music” as its often referred to.  And as a pastor to students I swim in that every single day.  I serve and help lead a ministry where there’s not one hymn book in sight.  We’re V-neck-deep in modern worship music and are always looking around for the latest worship songs from around the world.  But in all this striving for up-to-date worship tunes, we need to also be careful that we’re actually worshipping at all, and ever-mindful of WHO we’re worshipping.  And why.

I recently had one of our teens ask if we could open an upcoming student worship service with a song called “Paradise”.  I thought, “Only one song comes to mind when I hear the title “Paradise”, and that’s the one by Coldplay….”Para…para…paradise.  Para…para…paradise.”  But certainly he’s not referring to that song.”  I was wrong.  He was.

What makes a song useful in worship and/or appropriate to sing in praise to God?  Some would cite the words of Paul, “Everything is permissible…” (1 Cor. 6:12)  They’d say, “Open a worship service with Lady Gaga?  Sure!  Why not?  All the kids know it anyway and they’ll sing along….’Papa…papa-razzi!’  It’ll be great and really cool and so hip and then we’ll be even more relevant!”  And then there are some with clear lines as to what songs should go into a worship service and what shouldn’t.  I’ve actually discontinued using certain worship songs because they didn’t fit the description of what I consider a “worship” song.  By the way, what’s YOUR definition/criteria for a worship song to be used in a worship service?  Most recently, we stopped using a song because it never actually addresses God.   We had sung it on a few different occasions when I realized and asked myself “Who is this song directed at?”  It wasn’t a bad song; quite good actually.  But God’s people had gathered to worship God, not themselves.  So out it went.

Here are a few thoughts I keep in mind when deciding what’s worship and what’s just good music (or neither):

• What theology is the song teaching? What is the song saying about God? What is it saying to God?  Worship songs should lift God up, speak of His attributes, and worship Him for who He is, even apart from anything He has done (though that is often included).
• Is the song relatable to the audience?  There are some great hymns of the past, but without a thorough education beforehand the language would be lost on the crowd.  By the same token, just because a song is current in its popularity, doesn’t mean its good or should be used.
• Is the tune easily learnable?  This one might not be important to you, but some great songs I’ve found might have beautiful lyrics of praise, but the melody is so complex people would trip over themselves trying to sing it, and so it doesn’t lend itself to group worship singing.
• Are the lyrics redemptive?  There are lots of ways song lyrics can be redemptive, but there are also ways that lyrics can seem to sound good, but actually not being saying much of anything good at all.  Really study the lyrics before putting a song in front of a crowd.  Or better yet: put the song in front of the crowd not for singing, for first evaluative reading before they agree to include it in their worship.

What about you?  How do you decide what music to include/play before, during, and after a worship service?

And if you aren’t the one(s) who decides which songs are used in the worship service you participate in, then what are YOUR thoughts on worship music and what constitutes a good worship song?

I was just thinking of some reasons that youth leaders should get out of youth ministry (or should reconsider entering it).  Feel free to add or disgree…this list is likely to be non-exhaustive.  These are all straight from my own experience or from conversations with other youth leaders, but I’d love to hear about yours.

1.  If you view youth ministry as the price you pay on the toll road to “real” ministry.

Believe it or not, some youth leaders view youth ministry as a “placeholder” until they get called up to the “big leagues” of real pastoral ministry.  I’d be offended if I weren’t laughing so hard.

2.  If you want to be rich.

There are some ways to create extra income as a youth pastor (i.e. speaking at events, selling material, etc.) but that’s not the same as thinking being in youth ministry is your ride to Easy Street. It’s not.

3.  If you want to be respected when in conversation with those in corporate jobs.

When I tell people who aren’t in ministry that I’m a fulltime pastor to middle school and high school students, I get a look that’s a combination of “What’s wrong with you?” and “That’s an actual job?” and “Better you than me.” usually immediately followed by awkward silence and an unspoken vow never to speak of it again.

4.  If you want the stability that more often comes with a routine/9-5 job. 

(Routine?  Youth leaders can’t even spell that word. This blog post might be the first time they’ve heard of it.)

5.  If you don’t have or have lost your passion for people.

Ministry is all about people.  Not projects, or projections, or purposes, or prosperity.  It’s all about people.  Forget that and it might be time to pack it up.  Pronto.

6.  If you find yourself irritated when face-to-face interaction pulls you away from project planning or some other such non-personal activity.

Closely related to #5, and more dangerous as your ministry scope grows.  I’m in a fairly largish youth ministry and I abhor spreadsheets as much as I always have.  I can’t ever forget that no matter what I’m doing at any given time in ministry, the attention and need of a teen trumps it.  I hate to admit it, but I’ve actually had teens start a conversation with, “Jerry, I know you’re really busy, but…”

7.  If you don’t feel compassion for the hurting.

People all around you are heading into eternity separated from God.  People all around you are struggling to see any light in the darkness.  People all around you have a story that would break your heart if you were willing to slow down long enough to listen.  If you aren’t willing to listen and hurt with them, you might consider looking for a job where that isn’t critical.

8.  If you’re searching for fame/notoriety/accolades.

Francis Chan (I know, I know–he’s “famous” in his own right) said, “Fame is the most powerful drug among those in ministry right now.”  Getting heard, getting seen, getting “out there” and getting known can be an alluring temptation, especially under the guise of being “more used by God”.  (By the way, have you subscribed to jerrythinks.com and have you tweeted to all your followers about me?)

9.  If you’re not unmistakably called by God to it.

Okay, this one can sometimes be seen as wispy, undefinable, and subjective.  And all I can say is that calling should be verifiable.  Those around you who know the Lord and know you should be able to speak to the issue of your calling.  Your God-giftedness should speak to the issue of your calling.  And given time, the “fruit” of ministry can also serve as something that verifies your calling.

10.

 

Okay, it’s your turn to fill in number 10.  Even if you’re not in youth ministry, you can still share why you’re not or why you think others should think twice before jumping in.

I’ve been an ordained minister since 1999.  However, when I moved from NY to VA I also moved from one denomination to another.  For the most part (typing carefully here), I’m not really big on denominations.  It seems like denominations are the most important to the people who are entrenched in them.  The distinctives between denominations really only serve to confuse most non-churchgoers, in my experience.  I think we’d be better off (again, treading carefully) taking our church signs down and replacing them all with a “You Are Welcome” sign.  But I digress.

So, in order for my ordination to be recognized within the denomination I’m currently in, I’ve been required to take a few classes.  I’m in one such class right now.  This past Saturday I was in the midst of a 4-hour-long conversation about theology and began to hear things and think things that made me want to write things.  So here I am writing things.

I guess I’ll just ask a question: What’s our problem with mystery?  I’m not talking about the Charlie Chan episodes my dad subjected me —er, um…I mean–shared with me as I was growing up.  I’m not talking about Sherlock Holmes.  I’m not talking about the mystery of where your keys or your years since high school went.  I’m talking about our seemingly growing discomfort with the fact that we can’t possibly know the depths and heights of God.  He is unfathomable, unsearchable, and incomprehensible.  And yet when it comes to what we’ll decide to believe, we often get boxed in to what we can understand.  If we can understand it, then we’re okay to believe it.  But if its outside the reach of our intellect and logic, then we just can’t embrace it.  Careful there.  Don’t get caught building a view of God that can be contained by your definition of God.

I’ve heard people say in regards to a particular aspect of God’s character, attribute, or activity that “its not fair”.  Well, forgive me for saying so, but Boo hoo hoo.  Since when does what we consider fair have any bearing on the prerogative of Almighty God?  Statements that begin with “I just can’t believe that God would….” have no place in what constitutes our understanding of who God is and what God does.  In fact, if we’re going to get scriptural, the less sense things make to you, the more likely they’re making sense to God.  Check out Isaiah 55:8 in a variety of translations here.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD.”

I will walk with, investigate, study, learn, love, talk with, and follow God for the rest of my life and I can guarantee that there will be times when I’m just going to have to be okay with scratching my head.  I imagine standing at a well.  It’s a deep well with an unending supply of fresh, cool water.  This well simply won’t run dry; it’ll always yield water to drink.  I’m holding a ladle and the ladle I’m holding represents all that I can know of God in my lifetime.  I will spend my life sipping from that ladle and marveling at the refreshment that water brings.  I will reach the end of my life never once thirsting because in that ladle was all I needed, and furthermore all I could handle.  But the fact remains that there is still a virtually bottomless well of truth about God that I’ve never even touched or seen in my lifetime.  It is in that satisfaction of heart that I live.  I am completely at ease with loving an unsearchable God.  It is at His complete discretion that He adopt me for no good reason in and of myself and it is equally within His discretion that He discard me and never give me another thought.  I am a child of His and while I can type it, I can’t fully comprehend it.  I know it, but I do not fully realize all that it means.  I embrace it and revel in it, but I cannot fully understand it.  This is what it means to love the mystery of God.  It is His to do with this world as He pleases, whether that is to think no more about the earth and in a moment see it vaporize into the dust of space, or to patiently wait for a moment in the future that only He knows where He will set all things to the right condition of His choosing.

When was the last time you were in an argument?  Who was it with? What was it about? Did you win? Lose? Draw?  Did the person arguing with you persuade or even sway you to their way of thinking? Even a little?  Be honest–did the title of this blog pull you in? Even a little?

Arguments have a way of solidifying for each side that they’re side is right and the other side is wrong.  Dead wrong.  And even if you could shoot them in the neck with a syringe full of truth syrum, they’d probably never admit that they were wrong.  Pride won’t let them.  No, from what I’ve seen arguments do one thing really well: build walls that weren’t there before and thicken walls that already exist.

I saw a license plate recently that made me chuckle.  If I hadn’t been in such a hurry, I’d have followed that person to wherever it was they were going and done my best to strike up a conversation with them, testing the accuracy of their claim.

When you find yourself in an argument with someone, you’re on a battlefield whether you realize it or not. It might be over something seemingly small, or it may be over something enormously huge.  No matter what the issue, its present enough to spark a fiery exchange.

I’m fascinated by people who don’t agree with my viewpoint.  In fact, I’d say they’re some of the most fascinating people I interact with.  But I’ve also been in dialogue with those who seem to agree with Mr. License Plate over there; as if once they find out my worldview and my connection to Christianity, well, its “go” time.  They’ve got an ax and they’re looking for a place to grind it.

But I don’t see anything in Scripture that tells Jesus’ followers to do any amount of verbal sparring with those who aren’t following Jesus.  I don’t see any mandate that calls us to “Go therefore and win arguments.”  Why? Because Jesus knew (shocking, I know) that people aren’t argued into a relationship. They’re LOVED in.  When the apostle Paul said “Make the most of every opportunity…”, some people read it as: “Make the most opportunities” and take the Holy Spirit’s job away from Him; He’s the one who calls (1 Cor. 12:3), He’s the who softens hearts, and who convicts of sin (John 16:8-11).   Not us.

Instead, Jesus’ followers are instructed: “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect…”  (1 Peter 3:15)

Now don’t get me wrong.  I’m not one for mamsy-pamsy, milk-toast, easy-believism, I’m-okay-you’re-okay-we’re-okay-that’s-okay kind of wallflower follower of Christ either.  It’s just that I don’t see Jesus calling His followers into arguing His Kingdom.  If you want to take it a step further, you might want to check out the parable Jesus told about the “Wheats and the Tares”.  Jesus advocated for leaving the weeds to grow up among the wheat until harvest time when we’d all see what’s wheat and what’s weed.  In just the same way, militant argumentative attitudes are simply not the way of Jesus and shouldn’t be the tactic of His followers.  Instead, God’s Word gives us wisdom like “A soft answer turns away wrath.” (Proverbs 15:1)

And if you do find yourself in an argument and there isn’t an easy way out, here’s what you should remember:

1. Be motivated by love, not the need to be (or appear) right.  Remember that the other person is just like you, but with an opposing perspective.

2. Keep your answers clear and keep them gentle.  Let the other person know that you’ve heard them, even if you disagree with them.

3. Always have the goal of reconciliation at the forefront of your mind.  This was the mission of Christ and is the commission given to those who call Him Lord.  (2 Corinthians 5:18)