I sometimes wonder what percentage of the average adult’s insides are occupied by the child version of themselves. On the outside, we appear to be put together, mature, doing just fine, and ready to tackle whatever the day holds. But what part of you is still underprepared, timid, or unsure of what next step is the right next step?

The quality of confidence is a magnetic one to be sure. But if it’s true that many adults walking around today are toting their own childlike version of themselves along with its insecurities, how much of confidence in day-to-day life needs to be feigned in order to operate as a “normal” adult? This is what I’m wondering today.

As I look back on my own life, I can absolutely see a growth path that has afforded me to move more into a place of competence, if not confidence. As a side thought, I think confidence and the concept of being a confident person can have it’s own baggage. There seems to sometimes be a thin line between confidence and cockiness or even outright arrogance. Arrogance is repulsive, while confidence is attractive. So it’s important to be careful about what side of that thin line you are on.

As a spiritual exercise, it’s also important to consider what (if any) role confidence plays in the life of a follower of Jesus. Certainly there are reasons to have confidence, and these are supported with scripture. However, confidence as the world defines it has far less of a place in the heart, mind, and attitude of anyone who claims to follow Jesus.

Is there such a thing as holy, sanctified, or pure confidence? I think there is.

Let’s look at a few examples that tell us exactly where our confidence should be:

• Proverbs 3:26: “For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.”
• 2 Corinthians 3:4-5: “Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves…but our competence comes from God.”
• Isaiah 41:10: “Do not fear, for I am with you…I will strengthen you and help you.”

The flipside of the coin is where we are warned about the places NOT to put confidence:

• Philippians 3:3-4: “…we who serve God by His Spirit…put no confidence in the flesh–though I myself have reasons for such confidence…”
• Proverbs 28:26: “Those who trust in themselves are fools…”
• 1 Corinthians 10:12: “If you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!”

So as you move throughout your day, it’s good to know who you are, what you’re about, what things you’re good (and not so good) at. This helps you function among others in a way that is cooperative and helpful. But be careful not to think that your personality, skills, abilities, and connections are more valuable than another person’s. This is where the line gets crossed. This is where people move into arrogance, and this is where patience and compassion die, and where humilty breathes its last breath.

How to build the right kind of confidence:

• Begin with a conversation with God each morning. Let Him set the thermostat of your confidence. In Him you are completely loved, accepted, and usable for His glory all throughout your day. So each morning, you get to choose if you’ll be submitted to Him or go it on your own.
• Be honest in your reflections on the skills you are blessed with. Seek ways to hone them, sharpen them, and exercise them. A dream life might be where you get to only do what you’re good at every day all day, but that’s not reality for 99.99% of us. So look at your hour-by-hour movements as filled with opportunities to not only grow in what you love, but explore and improve in what you’re not quite as good at. Some very qualified people have suggested that you jettison what you’re not good at, and only allow yourself to live in the lane of your own skills. But I think that approach forfeits skill expansion.
• Exploit any chance you get to share what you know with others, especially those who are behind you on the road you’re on. You’re not the first to do what you do and you won’t be the last. Good stewardship of your confidence means that you must share what you have with those who will be strengthened by it. Take any chance, big or small, to invest your knowledge in people who will likewise steward it well and benefit from it. If you’ve been doing something (anything) for more than 2-3 years, you absolutely have plenty to offer those coming behind you. Be the kind of confident person who doesn’t gatekeep the lessons you’ve learned.

These are just the beginnings of some developing thoughts on confidence that I’ve had recently. I want to invite you to share your experiences with me. Leave a story, a truth, or anything else in the comments that have to do with confidence and the role it plays in our daily lives.