I’m going to guess that you’re discontent with some aspect of your life right now. That’s not much of a risky guess on my part, as any human 11 years old and older is cognisant of something, some area of who they are, where they are, or how they are that they’d prefer to change if they could.

Being who I am and doing what I do, I am keenly interested in how people grow. Not so much physically (which seems to take care of itself), but mentally, emotionally, psychologically, socially, and spiritually.

I’ve been doing that thing I do for over 3 decades and counting, and there seems to persist a common desire in most people that I’ve interacted with: humans want more. There’s an insatiable drive for something more than what currently is. It’s almost–though not quite–universal. So if that’s you, let me assure you that you’re not broken, you’re human. (And yes, I understand those are oftentimes interchangeable.)

What I’m thinking about today is a progression that you’ve likely considered if you’ve thought very much about how “more” or “deeper”, “authentic”, “growing”, or “dynamic” works when it comes to healthy relationships. If you have relationships, you want them to be as healthy as they can be. You might not know how to get there, but you want health nonetheless.

Here’s my mini-thesis: Heightened spirituality comes from deepened vulnerability.

We will not and cannot be closer to God apart from being closer to other humans. And any relationship you can have with any other human is measured in vulnerability. However vulnerable you have been has determined what depth of the relationship you have with them. It cannot be otherwise.

We tend to call this “deeper,” but I’m not sure if that’s actually the best term for it. It’ll suffice for now, but as we roll along, let’s keep our eyes out for some, perhaps more precise terminology here.

I’m not presenting a fully-developed “How to…” as in “Jerry’s 3 Easy Steps of How to Make Every Relationship You Have Or Will Ever Have As Healthy As It Can Possibly Be, Guaranteed.” But I do think that there’s probably some unearthed truth that we can dig up together for our good. Let’s dig.

When I say “vulnerability”, what thoughts come to mind? If I may, I’d like to introduce a wee bit of discomfort here. I want to remind you that we humans were created vulnerable. We (by virture of the first humans) were unclothed. Completely vulnerable. Can you even imagine that now? Don’t answer that. I don’t really want to know if you imagine that or not. Let’s move on.

God created humans into a state of vulnerability. Have you ever considered how peculiar that is? Why would God not flex his creative muscle even further by showing off his fashion design skills as well? Can you even imagine the type of clothing stylings the Almighty could send down the runway?

God created us as vulnerable creatures. We probably didn’t view it that way since there was no one else to compare ourselves to, but the very fact that Adam & Eve were naked and unashamed (Gen. 2:25) is clear evidence that we were indeed created for holy vulnerability. It stands to reason, then, that hiding is more connected to our fallenness, and openness is more connected to our divinity. Would you agree?

Simply put, human existence is measured in relationships. Two weekends ago, I attended two different celebrations of life (some call them funerals). Not surprisingly, I was again reminded that the measure of a person’s life has nothing at all to do with what they collected, accomplished, or saw. The measure was and is the relationships they forged. No one at either service spoke a word about each person’s bank account, model of car, size of house, position in the company, or even goals achieved. Nope. The entirety of every service was centered on who they were because of who they knew, and who knew them.

If you want to cultivate vulnerability in your life and thereby cultivate healthier, deeper relationships, you’ll need to start with the fact that you are completely vulnerable and known by God. Your soul is laid bare before Him. Right now. There is no chance of hiding one shred of thought from His gaze. He knows you fully. And here’s the kicker: He loves you fully. Yes. Still.

This truth unlocks the dark closet you’ve kept closed from others. Why? Because you have absolutely nothing to fear. If the Almighty God knows you and loves you, what can anyone else’s view matter? What exactly are you running from? The haunting and common thought “If they only knew _____ about me, they’d never want anything to do with me” dissolves and dissipates when we realize that God sees all of you and actually wants EVERYTHING to do with you.

So, how do we turn this seemingly powerful truth into actionable steps to take in terms of our relationships with others? First, I’d ask that you take stock in how vulnerable you’ve been. I’ll be quick to say that if you’ve been hurt in the past, I get that, but that’s not a good excuse. I recognize that guardedness is wise in certain directions, but I’d suggest to you that it’s really only necessary and healthy in ONE direction, not all. The mistake commonly made is that when pain comes from one, we defend against all. Again, I get it. But it’s not healthy.

So take stock of your vulnerability levels. How open have you been? How accessible have you been to others? How readily available have you been to be known and loved by those who are around you? I know some who bemoan the lack of love they feel from me or others, yet they themselves have kept me and others at arm’s length. It leaves me frustrated and largely powerless to convince them of the love I have.

Nothing wrong with having a moat, as long as you’ve got a working drawbridge.

What you’ll find as you pursue vulnerability is a freedom that you didn’t have before. The more open you are in the relationships you’re seeking to deepen (that word still ok?), the more you’ll find that others reciprocate and everyone wins. If you try and there’s no reciprocation, just move on. They’re not ready for a healthy relationship yet. It’s not that they’re broken necessarily; they’re just not ready.

Okay, let’s turn a corner. By now, you’ve got the idea nailed down that vulnerability is necessary for your relationships to be healthy. The dots I want to connect now are to the spiritual vitality that awaits you as a result of your vulnerability. Remember my mini-thesis: Heightened spirituality comes from deepened vulnerability.

What you’re going to find is that there’s a cyclical pattern that emerges when we are willing to open ourselves up. And I’ll warn you that it isn’t easy or comfortable. Let me explain.

Vulnerability leads to authenticity, which leads to intimacy, which leads to messiness. Simply put, vulnerability leads to messiness. The more you get to know someone, the more you get to see their flaws as well as their beauty. You’re a mixed bag of both. So are they. And vulnerability unveils both.

Before you pack it up and head out so as to avoid any relational messiness, let me also say this as emphatically as I can: Messiness is next to Godliness. What I mean is that when I have been willing to get messy in the details of someone’s life, God seems to be most apparent and His work seems most obvious. Why? Because I have chosen vulnerability, and as stated, hiding is more connected to our fallenness (Gen. 3:8), and openness is more connected to our divinity.

Can I take you to just one (out of many) examples of Jesus getting messy? You can read the whole account for yourself in John 8:1-11. But let me sum it up…

A woman had been caught in a very vulnerable position; evidently caught in the very act of sexual intercourse with someone. Those specific details aren’t shared. We only know she had been “caught in the act of adultery.” We don’t know if she was married, the guy she was “with” was married, or even if–ahem–the other woman she perhaps was “with” was married. We only know adultery had been committed.

It was the religious leaders who caught her in the act of adultery. As a pastor myself, I can’t even begin to tell you how infuriating that part of the story is; it really deserves its own blog post. So I’ll move on.

So there she is–maybe naked, maybe wrapped in a cloth. Who knows. All we know is that she’s exposed and “in front of the crowd,” and being accused, she was brought to Jesus for judgment.

But look at the messiness Jesus engages with. Read verse 6. Jesus stoops down and begins to write in the dirt with his finger. May I suggest to you that the dirt under Jesus’ fingernails is indicative of the messiness He invites us to as we interact with people? There was no reason for Jesus to get dirty and messy that day, except that He was identifying with the woman who had been caught in her own mess.

Here’s my suggestion: If you want to get closer to God, get messy with people.

I love how the New Living Translation presents Hebrews 4:13:

“Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”

So your life and mine aren’t meant to be guarded, but given. Our relationships are built for openness. Our fingernails are made to dig in the dirt of unafraid vulnerability. As we do, we find that our closeness with God and others increases. He made us to be known, and we rest fully when we know we are fully known.