I hated reading. I didn’t grow up loving books like some of my friends did. I’d rather crash my Star Wars figures together in some epic battle, or spend hours building with my beloved Lego. In sixth grade, I feigned being a book lover in order to catch the attention of a girl in my class who was toting Tolkien’s “The Hobbit” around. Somehow, I found a copy to tote around, hoping to be noticed. That plan never amounted to anything. Even as I got into high school, I just didn’t enjoy reading. It felt too subdued. Too tame. Too blah.

It wasn’t that I didn’t read. It wasn’t that I didn’t know how. I just found it to be pointless. Then in my senior year, I was in Mr. Mathis’ English class. Like many high schools, ours had an English teacher who was just odd, a man who marched to the beat of his own drum. And yes, he was also in charge of all the theatrical productions that the school produced. Mr. Mathis changed my view of reading and writing. In fact, you are reading these words right now largely thanks to Mr. Paul Mathis. He taught me a love of reading and writing that I haven’t been able to shake. It’s hard to explain, but my fingers flying around this keyboard, landing on letters, and pounding out these words is akin to someone else laying their head back on a therapist’s couch as they let their guard and inhibitions down in a way that is healing, helpful, and hopefully healthy.

If I could draft my own ideal existence, it would be largely centered around the act of writing and reading. In my life, reading fuels writing. In fact, this blog post with its peculiar title “Bookmarks” directly resulted from my reading some words just moments ago. It’s natural for my eyes to go left to right, line after line, reading some random something, and suddenly be struck with the undeniable urge to create some words of my own. So here I am.

The title of this post, I admit, is quite last century. In our digital age, the types of bookmarks I’m referring to are slim pieces of paper that serve to mark our spot. It’s a thing we place where we have to stop so that when we begin reading again we can quickly pick right back up. I have a few favorite bookmarks of my own. I suppose my favorite is one we purchased the last time (many years ago now) that we vacationed on Anna Maria Island on the Gulf of Mexico. There’s a small restaurant called “Rod & Reel Pier” that lives on stilts over the water. It serves fresh caught seafood dishes and other delectable delights. It’s a favorite stop of ours. Some local artist created a watercolor painting of that local eatery and laminated it into a bookmark. Anytime I look at it, I’m taken back to that delicious grouper sandwich.

Bookmarks exist because we can’t read nonstop. Life gets in the way. There are other things to do, to think, to act on, and problems to work out. So the bookmark is a non-digital pause button. We must pause in order to give our attention to other things.

If I’m being completely honest (and I am), I’ve had a sense of placing a bookmark in some desires, plans, and dreams for the past two years. This is Friday morning and I’m sitting in a coffee shop doing what I really want to do: write this blog post. Whether anyone reads it or not is secondary if that. The point is, I’ve long since been under a strong obligation to move from what needs to be done to the next thing that needs to be done. This has been my existence for the past 2 years. Please understand that my life has not been 2 years of doldrums or dragging myself along in a joyless existence. But when I assess the reality as it has been, I’ve been far more likely found taking care of some responsibility and requirement (a need) than I have been able to engage in what I’d like to do (a want). In other words, lots of bookmarking.

But I’m 3 weeks from the end of that 2-year journey. I’m completing my graduate school journey. The only reason I’m not buried in a textbook or writing a paper or working on a project is because earlier this week was Labor Day, so we had a rare week off from assignments being due. But still, in an effort to get ahead, I chose to still do school work this week thereby alleviating as much work from next week. That decision has afforded me a morning relatively free from “needs” and more in line with “wants”.

But all this results in me asking you: What have you bookmarked? And why have you bookmarked it? What is it that’s holding you in the paused posture? It very well may be a legitimate list of reasons (like grad school) and you’ve simply had an enormous amount of responsibilities, precluding you from having much margin in which to chase “wants”. But maybe you’ve bookmarked that step or those plans because you’ve simply allowed life to dictate to you what you’re going to do. I wonder where we got the idea that we are simply victims of circumstance? How did we ever come up with the concept of “that’s just want happened to me and I’ve just got to live the hand I’ve been dealt”? Your bookmark might be more accurately identified as fear, as insecurity, as busyness, as financial stress, or due to lack of connection to others that could propel you toward action. No matter what you call it, see it for what it is.

I know its easy for someone like me to sit here and pound out these words and not be fully connected with your circumstance. I know you very well may have a bagful of “yeah, but” that might negate this attempted encouragement in your life. I get that. But what if after honest assessment, you came to see that there really is a step you can take, albeit a small step? I’m a firm believer that when it comes to unbookmarking, no step is too small. All steps qualify.

So pull that bookmark. Get moving again. And see what happens on the next page.