I’ve been thinking lately about systematized spiritual growth. For much of my years on earth walking with Jesus, I’d have preferred to look at our relationship as 100% organic, free-flowing, and even undefinable. After all, if what we’ve got here is a love relationship, not only can it NOT be measured; it SHOULDN’T be measured. Doesn’t seeking to apply a metric to a love affair automatically take away the cache’, the soul of it all, and the essence of what a relationship is in the first place? So I thought.
What would happen to your thoughts if I asked you to qualify your most important relationship? What would you start thinking if I required you to prove empirically that what you say you have in that relationship is what you actually have? Where would you begin? What measuring stick would you use? I believe most of us would point to our actions as qualifiers of our affections, wouldn’t we? I believe most of us would start listing the things we DO as evidence for how we FEEL. If I say to you, “I’m in love with my wife” and you reply with, “Prove it.” then I’d probably start to tell you all the things I attempt to do on the practical level; visible, outward signs that I actually AM in love with my wife. (I am, by the way.)
Can we put such measures on our spiritual health? Does action always equal affection? Of course not. But I do believe that affection always leads us to action.
I was visiting a friend in the hospital the other day. I pushed the elevator’s “up” button from the first-floor lobby and waited for the *ding* that indicated my ride had arrived. While waiting there, a young woman with a child stood nearby, presumably waiting for the same elevator. *DING* The metal doors slid open and we all stepped in. The doors slid closed. There’s that awkward, almost heavy-ish silence in elevators with strangers, right? We had several floors to ascend, so this silence would be a little bit longer than usual. Then suddenly, the silence was shattered: “WHO ARE YOU?!?” The young boy, I’m guessing 6 or 7 years old had boisterously broken that awkward silence with a straight-forward, yet equally awkward question, given the context we were in.
Always a fan of the assertive and wanting to reward him with a reply, I turned my whole body toward him to show him I was fully engaged and ready to answer his question. “My name is Jerry. I’m a pastor and I’m here to visit a teenager I know who’s here in the hospital. What’s your name?” The mom, slightly aghast of the friendly outburst her son just filled the elevator with quickly and sternly corrected him, trying to use it as a training moment on how to introduce yourself to someone. Sadly, that training went mobile as the doors opened and they walked out of that elevator. I never got my answer on who that kid was. But I could tell we’d have had a great chat, given more time.
Since then, his question has hung in my mind like an elevator between floors.
I don’t suppose he meant it existentially. I think he probably saw a man (me), didn’t know that man’s name, and very practically went about the business of finding out. Good for him. But still, the question is more than that. Much more, in fact.
Let me disappoint you here and tell you that I’m not going to unpack all there is to unpack in this one single blog post. So please revisit to travel with me on this stroll. Or as I’ve invited you previously, you can email me or text me. I’m fine with either. Here’s the thought I’m thinking and trying to move forward in terms of systematized spiritual growth and health: The life of one who embraces their own spiritual journey will ultimately travel this continuum:
“Who am I?” —————————————————————————“Here am I.”
I’d submit to you that every living and thinking human on this dust ball speck that’s hurdling at a speed of 67,000 mph through the universe is, at some point earlier than later thinking that question on some level: “Who am I?” Or to break it down a bit more, we could ask accompanying questions like, “What makes me tick?”, “What are my passions?”, “What am I about?”, “What does/should my life look like?”, “Where is my value?”, “Who are my people?”, and even “Do I like me?” All these questions and more float through our conscious and subconscious continually; until they are satisfied(ish).
The shortcut I’d like to give anyone who’d like to take it is that the question “Who am I?” cannot possibly be answered apart from acknowledging some level of Other-ness. What I mean is that you’ll never find a suitable or satisfactory answer to that question inside yourself. No offense. It’s just not possible. And here’s more bad news. If you’re someone who has spun the Wheel of Origin and landed on “Humans are accidental beings results from millions and billions of years of evolution”…well…then….I got nothing for you. But I do tip my hat on the amount of faith you’re displaying in believing that drivel. Again, no offense.
That Other-ness must–hear me–it MUST acknowledge a cause outside yourself. More to the point, it MUST acknowledge a Creator. You’ll never ever find out the answer to “Who am I?” apart from embracing that you’re not your own. If this is where you slam this website shut in disgust, then so be it.
The rest of your spiritual walk will (and should) lead you ultimately to where the prophet Isaiah ended up in chapter six of his now-famous book. Isaiah is known as the “messianic” prophet because of his mile-long list of prophecies about Jesus some 700 years or so before Jesus’ birth. Read Isaiah 6. Look at the conclusion this prophet comes to after experiencing the full majesty of the King and Creator. Knowing precisely now who he was, Isaiah rightfully came to the only conclusion any of us can reach: “Here am I.” (Isaiah 6:8). I’m not a tattoo guy, but man that verse sums up the greatest posture any human can take in terms of spiritual vitality, passion, and mission.
So I told you I don’t have all this nailed down or packaged up, but I am going to think deeply and intentionally about what it looks like to help people move from “Who am I?” to “Here am I.” After all, these two coordinates on the map of spiritual growth represent two very distinct places we find ourselves. And in full disclosure, I’ve been at both points. Currently, my daily mindset starts with “Here am I” and goes from there because I know that since I’m breathing the work isn’t done. It’s good work and it’s God’s work and that’s what I want MY life to be about. I learned at the age of 16 the answer to the question “Who am I?” and now at the age of 50, I get to live a “Here am I” life. And in case I haven’t bee clear, I fully recommend it.
As always, I love to hear from those who read my blog (Hi, Mom!). Feel free to leave a comment. And realize this one isn’t over. Not by a long shot.
jerrythinks. 