“To lead is to serve.”

That’s the mantra of a group of young people I’m privileged to walk with. This particular group is called “Crew” and it’s our student leadership team. The goal of this team is not to manufacture pastors or full-time ministry leaders but rather to create a sense of ownership and urgency in terms of mission. What’s the mission? Simple. To “make disciples.”

Jesus is the one-stop shop for all things leadership, servanthood, visioning, planning, time management, personal growth, team-building, and organizational structuring, to name a few. You need not look any further than the person of Jesus Christ and His 33 years on earth if you want to learn anything in any of the areas above.

I’m a chronic evaluator. I’ve never been able to leave things alone that could potentially be improved. Sometimes, creating from nothing is involved in that, but most times, it’s taking what already is and asking, “How could this be even better?” And sometimes “better” comes in the form of taking an approach, a paradigm, or an established methodology, tying it to the nearest tree, and putting a bullet in its head. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Because I’m constantly evaluating and seldom (if ever) fully satisfied, my mind is continually spinning and working on what-ifs, what-nows, and why-nots? I don’t suppose I’m unique in this; I bet you have a fair measure of evaluative DNA in your bones as well.

One of the assessments I’m trying to make right now is to evaluate how emotionally supportive and personally accessible I am. I didn’t wake up with those two areas of growth in my mental crosshairs, but as I’ve thought about it, they have emerged as two possible areas I could do some work in.

I’ve often said that self-awareness is a superpower. It’s one of those things you notice more when it’s absent than when it’s present. For example, my wife and I drove out to the middle of nowhere to a small country furniture store that sold Amish-quality (if you know, you know) furniture, and it was also a deli of sorts that reportedly piled the lunch meats high on their freshly made bread. We didn’t go for the furniture.

While waiting for our sandwiches to be assembled by bonnet-wearing, long-dress-adorned women, another customer approached us to tell a joke. I’m not kidding. No warning. No “I’m about to tell you a joke” disclaimer. No preparation. She just hit us with this quip that she considered amusing.

Have you ever had to make a decision that, in the face of sheer awkwardness, you’re going to just go with it and try and endure with a smile on your face? That was us. Her joke was understandable, but it just wasn’t funny. It was on par with a really bad “dad joke.” We responded with the appropriate amount of sympathy laugh, trailed off with the well-known “after-laugh” sigh that kind of trails off, letting the jokemaker know that their joke was…ummm….over.

Undaunted and clearly unaware of our discomfort, she doubled down with another joke. A swing and a miss. Strike two.

Then, to my horror, she pulls out her third attempt. I wish I could tell you what it was, but it was so bad that my mind instantly protected itself by erasing the memory of that joke.

One thing I can say for this sweet lady was that she was gleefully unaware of the situation as we saw it. She was just doing what she did: cracking jokes and taking names. Yep. Self-awareness is a superpower. And you know it best when it’s absent.

So, all that to say, I want to be self-aware. Sorry, that deli story was the “long way around the barn” as my dad would say. Still, I want to be in tune with areas of growth that present themselves.

I wonder how well or poorly I’ve actually done in these two areas. The areas of support and accessibility, in particular, are, for whatever reason, the two areas that are in front of me right now. I won’t share the details, but I can look back on different situations where I have been either accidentally unsupportive or inadvertently inaccessible.

I titled this blog post as I did because I really do believe that. At the end of the day, it really is connections that matter most. First, I want to be connected to Jesus. And by connected, I mean abiding deeply in who He is, how He loves, and where He’s going. (John 15:4-11) The youthful desire I once had to just “get stuff done” has been slowly replaced by a desire to “keep Jesus close.” I’ve learned over the years that getting stuff done without keeping Jesus close is worth exactly nothing. (Psalm 127:1) I know that’s a harsh statement. But it’s not less true because it’s difficult to hear.

One of the things I love about this young generation is their apparent desire to connect more than accomplish. God bless previous generations and their dogged determination to grind at all costs, and I don’t mean to say that Gen Z or Alpha or even Millenials aren’t hard workers. They most assuredly are. But what is of equal or greater value seems to be connecting well while they also do the stuff on their to-do lists. It’s the beautiful understanding that the program is the vehicle, but the person holds the value.

So, how do I make better connections? How do I increase my accessibility? I have taken steps in that direction and have seen some traction. But what must be in place is the intentional steps of seeing what is lacking or needing strengthening, swallowing your pride, and seeking out ways to improve upon it.

Here’s one thing I’m doing. It’s so simple that I’m sure millions of others have already figured this out and applied this to their daily lives. Since I want my life to be marked by JOY, and since I’m a sucker for acrostics, I’m seeking to live each day with these three things at the forefront of my interactions and connections:

J – Jesus. Jesus is my best friend, my King, my healer, my grace-giver, my companion, and my Lord to name just a few. Because of the love relationship I have with Him, I am guided in all ways to love and to serve as He loves and serves. He enables me by the power of His own Spirit to do that; it is none of me and all of Him.

O – Others. If you know me personally or if we’ve ever even had just one interaction, I hope and pray that I gave you attention, showed you respect, and dignified you as a beloved creation of God. I hope that when we talked, you felt heard, understood, seen, and even embraced. If I fell short of that, I apologize. Let’s try again. I drink coffee every day and eat lunch every day. I’d love to do either of those with you.

Y – You. This one’s interesting because John clearly taught us that “I must decrease, and He [Jesus] must increase.” (John 3:30). So it stands to reason that the less of me there is, the more of Jesus there is. But then again, Jesus Himself taught us to “Love your neighbor AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF.” (Mark 12:31) Do these two principles (me decreasing and me loving myself) conflict with each other? I don’t think so. We must have a God-view of ourselves just as we do of others. One prayer I regularly pray is “God help me to see and love people as you see and love them.” But I’ll confess to you that I do not pray that prayer to include myself when, in actuality, I should. “God, help me to see myself as you see me” is a prayer that I need to put into practice.

What connections are most important in your life? How could they possibly be stronger?

What other areas of your life are you evaluating and strengthening?

Leave some thoughts in the comments.